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witty； agreeable companion … not what you call clever； but just enough to
make him entertaining； and a man one needn't be ashamed of anywhere；
and would not soon grow tired of； and to confess the truth； I rather liked
him … better even； of late； than Harry Meltham … and he evidently idolised
me； and yet； though he came upon me all alone and unprepared； I had the
wisdom； and the pride； and the strength to refuse him … and so scornfully
and coolly as I did： I have good reason to be proud of that。'
'And are you equally proud of having told him that his having the
wealth of Sir Hugh Meltham would make no difference to you； when that
was not the case； and of having promised to tell no one of his
misadventure； apparently without the slightest intention of keeping your
promise？'
'Of course！ what else could I do？ You would not have had me … but I
see； Miss Grey； you're not in a good temper。 Here's Matilda； I'll see what
she and mamma have to say about it。'
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She left me； offended at my want of sympathy； and thinking； no doubt；
that I envied her。 I did not … at least； I firmly believed I did not。 I was
sorry for her； I was amazed； disgusted at her heartless vanity； I wondered
why so much beauty should be given to those who made so bad a use of it；
and denied to some who would make it a benefit to both themselves and
others。
But； God knows best； I concluded。 There are； I suppose； some men
as vain； as selfish； and as heartless as she is； and； perhaps； such women
may be useful to punish them。
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CHAPTER XV … THE WALK
'OH； dear！ I wish Hatfield had not been so precipitate！' said Rosalie
next day at four P。M。； as； with a portentous yawn； she laid down her
worsted…work and looked listlessly towards the window。 'There's no
inducement to go out now； and nothing to look forward to。 The days will
be so long and dull when there are no parties to enliven them； and there
are none this week； or next either； that I know of。'
'Pity you were so cross to him；' observed Matilda； to whom this
lamentation was addressed。 'He'll never come again： and I suspect you
liked him after all。 I hoped you would have taken him for your beau； and
left dear Harry to me。'
'Humph！ my beau must be an Adonis indeed； Matilda； the admired of
all beholders； if I am to be contented with him alone。 I'm sorry to lose
Hatfield； I confess； but the first decent man； or number of men； that come
to supply his place； will be more than welcome。 It's Sunday to…morrow … I
do wonder how he'll look； and whether he'll be able to go through the
service。 Most likely he'll pretend he's got a cold； and make Mr。 Weston
do it all。'
'Not he！' exclaimed Matilda； somewhat contemptuously。 'Fool as he
is； he's not so soft as that comes to。'
Her sister was slightly offended； but the event proved Matilda was
right： the disappointed lover performed his pastoral duties as usual。
Rosalie； indeed； affirmed he looked very pale and dejected： he might be a
little paler； but the difference； if any； was scarcely perceptible。 As for his
dejection； I certainly did not hear his laugh ringing from the vestry as
usual； nor his voice loud in hilarious discourse； though I did hear it
uplifted in rating the sexton in a manner that made the congregation stare；
and； in his transits to and from the pulpit and the communion…table； there
was more of solemn pomp； and less of that irreverent； self…confident； or
rather self…delighted imperiousness with which he usually swept along …
that air that seemed to say； 'You all reverence and adore me； I know； but if
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anyone does not； I defy him to the teeth！' But the most remarkable
change was； that he never once suffered his eyes to wander in the direction
of Mr。 Murray's pew； and did not leave the church till we were gone。
Mr。 Hatfield had doubtless received a very severe blow； but his pride
impelled him to use every effort to conceal the effects of it。 He had been
disappointed in his certain hope of obtaining not only a beautiful； and； to
him； highly attractive wife； but one whose rank and fortune might give
brilliance to far inferior charms： he was likewise； no doubt； intensely
mortified by his repulse； and deeply offended at the conduct of Miss
Murray throughout。 It would have given him no little consolation to
have known how disappointed she was to find him apparently so little
moved； and to see that he was able to refrain from casting a single glance
at her throughout both services； though； she declared； it showed he was
thinking of her all the time； or his eyes would have fallen upon her； if it
were only by chance： but if they had so chanced to fall； she would have
affirmed it was because they could not resist the attraction。 It might have
pleased him； too； in some degree； to have seen how dull and dissatisfied
she was throughout that week （the greater part of it； at least）； for lack of
her usual source of excitement； and how often she regretted having 'used
him up so soon；' like a child that； having devoured its plumcake too hastily；
sits sucking its fingers； and vainly lamenting its greediness。
At length I was called upon； one fine morning； to accompany her in a
walk to the village。 Ostensibly she went to get some shades of Berlin
wool； at a tolerably respectable shop that was chiefly supported by the
ladies of the vicinity： really … I trust there is no breach of charity in
supposing that she went with the idea of meeting either with the Rector
himself； or some other admirer by the way； for as we went along； she kept
wondering 'what Hatfield would do or say； if we met him；' &c。 &c。； as we
passed Mr。 Green's park…gates； she 'wondered whether he was at home …
great stupid blockhead'； as Lady Meltham's carriage passed us； she
'wondered what Mr。 Harry was doing this fine day'