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'Yes； papa； don't YOU say anything against it： I should like it so
much； and I am sure I could manage delightfully。'
'But； my darling； we could not spare you。' And a tear glistened in his
eye as he added … 'No； no！ afflicted as we are； surely we are not brought to
that pass yet。'
'Oh； no！' said my mother。 'There is no necessity whatever for such a
step； it is merely a whim of her own。 So you must hold your tongue； you
naughty girl； for； though you are so ready to leave us； you know very well
we cannot part with YOU。'
I was silenced for that day； and for many succeeding ones； but still I
did not wholly relinquish my darling scheme。 Mary got her drawing
materials； and steadily set to work。 I got mine too； but while I drew； I
thought of other things。 How delightful it would be to be a governess！
To go out into the world； to enter upon a new life； to act for myself； to
exercise my unused faculties； to try my unknown powers； to earn my own
maintenance； and something to comfort and help my father； mother； and
sister； besides exonerating them from the provision of my food and
clothing； to show papa what his little Agnes could do； to convince mamma
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and Mary that I was not quite the helpless； thoughtless being they
supposed。 And then； how charming to be entrusted with the care and
education of children！ Whatever others said； I felt I was fully competent
to the task： the clear remembrance of my own thoughts in early
childhood would be a surer guide than the instructions of the most mature
adviser。 I had but to turn from my little pupils to myself at their age； and
I should know； at once； how to win their confidence and affections： how
to waken the contrition of the erring； how to embolden the timid and
console the afflicted； how to make Virtue practicable； Instruction desirable；
and Religion lovely and comprehensible。
… Delightful task！ To teach the young idea how to shoot！
To train the tender plants； and watch their buds unfolding day by day！
Influenced by so many inducements； I determined still to persevere；
though the fear of displeasing my mother； or distressing my father's
feelings； prevented me from resuming the subject for several days。 At
length； again； I mentioned it to my mother in private； and； with some
difficulty； got her to promise to assist me with her endeavours。 My
father's reluctant consent was next obtained； and then； though Mary still
sighed her disapproval； my dear； kind mother began to look out for a
situation for me。 She wrote to my father's relations； and consulted the
newspaper advertisements … her own relations she had long dropped all
communication with： a formal interchange of occasional letters was all
she had ever had since her marriage； and she would not at any time have
applied to them in a case of this nature。 But so long and so entire had
been my parents' seclusion from the world； that many weeks elapsed
before a suitable situation could be procured。 At last； to my great joy； it
was decreed that I should take charge of the young family of a certain Mrs。
Bloomfield； whom my kind； prim aunt Grey had known in her youth； and
asserted to be a very nice woman。 Her husband was a retired tradesman；
who had realized a very comfortable fortune； but could not be prevailed
upon to give a greater salary than twenty…five pounds to the instructress of
his children。 I； however； was glad to accept this； rather than refuse the
situation … which my parents were inclined to think the better plan。
But some weeks more were yet to be devoted to preparation。 How
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AGNES GREY
long； how tedious those weeks appeared to me！ Yet they were happy
ones in the main … full of bright hopes and ardent expectations。 With what
peculiar pleasure I assisted at the making of my new clothes； and；
subsequently； the packing of my trunks！ But there was a feeling of
bitterness mingling with the latter occupation too； and when it was done …
when all was ready for my departure on the morrow； and the last night at
home approached … a sudden anguish seemed to swell my heart。 My dear
friends looked so sad； and spoke so very kindly； that I could scarcely keep
my eyes from overflowing： but I still affected to be gay。 I had taken
my last ramble with Mary on the moors； my last walk in the garden； and
round the house； I had fed； with her； our pet pigeons for the last time … the
pretty creatures that we had tamed to peck their food from our hands： I
had given a farewell stroke to all their silky backs as they crowded in my
lap。 I had tenderly kissed my own peculiar favourites； the pair of snow…
white fantails； I had played my last tune on the old familiar piano； and
sung my last song to papa： not the last； I hoped； but the last for what
appeared to me a very long time。 And； perhaps； when I did these things
again it would be with different feelings： circumstances might be
changed； and this house might never be my settled home again。 My dear
little friend； the kitten； would certainly be changed： she was already
growing a fine cat； and when I returned； even for a hasty visit at Christmas；
would； most likely； have forgotten both her playmate and her merry pranks。
I had romped with her for the last time； and when I stroked her soft bright
fur； while she lay purring herself to sleep in my lap； it was with a feeling
of sadness I could not easily disguise。 Then at bed…time； when I retired
with Mary to our quiet little chamber； where already my drawers were
cleared out and my share of the bookcase was empty … and where；
hereafter； she would have to sleep alone； in dreary solitude； as she
expressed it … my heart sank more than ever： I felt as if I had been selfish
and wrong to persist in leaving her； and when I knelt once more beside our
little bed； I prayed for