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They may crush； but they shall not subdue me！ 'Tis of thee that I
think； not of them。
About Christmas I was allowed to visit home； but my holiday was
only of a fortnight's duration： 'For；' said Mrs。 Bloomfield； 'I thought； as
you had seen your friends so lately； you would not care for a longer stay。'
I left her to think so still： but she little knew how long； how wearisome
those fourteen weeks of absence had been to me； how intensely I had
longed for my holidays； how greatly I was disappointed at their
curtailment。 Yet she was not to blame in this。 I had never told her my
feelings； and she could not be expected to divine them； I had not been with
her a full term； and she was justified in not allowing me a full vacation。
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CHAPTER IV … THE
GRANDMAMMA
I SPARE my readers the account of my delight on coming home； my
happiness while there … enjoying a brief space of rest and liberty in that
dear； familiar place； among the loving and the loved … and my sorrow on
being obliged to bid them； once more； a long adieu。
I returned； however； with unabated vigour to my work … a more
arduous task than anyone can imagine； who has not felt something like the
misery of being charged with the care and direction of a set of
mischievous； turbulent rebels； whom his utmost exertions cannot bind to
their duty； while； at the same time； he is responsible for their conduct to a
higher power； who exacts from him what cannot be achieved without the
aid of the superior's more potent authority； which； either from indolence；
or the fear of becoming unpopular with the said rebellious gang； the latter
refuses to give。 I can conceive few situations more harassing than that
wherein； however you may long for success； however you may labour to
fulfil your duty； your efforts are baffled and set at nought by those beneath
you； and unjustly censured and misjudged by those above。
I have not enumerated half the vexatious propensities of my pupils； or
half the troubles resulting from my heavy responsibilities； for fear of
trespassing too much upon the reader's patience； as； perhaps； I have
already done； but my design in writing the few last pages was not to
amuse； but to benefit those whom it might concern； he that has no interest
in such matters will doubtless have skipped them over with a cursory
glance； and； perhaps； a malediction against the prolixity of the writer； but
if a parent has； therefrom； gathered any useful hint； or an unfortunate
governess received thereby the slightest benefit； I am well rewarded for
my pains。
To avoid trouble and confusion； I have taken my pupils one by one；
and discussed their various qualities； but this can give no adequate idea of
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AGNES GREY
being worried by the whole three together； when； as was often the case； all
were determined to 'be naughty； and to tease Miss Grey； and put her in a
passion。'
Sometimes； on such occasions； the thought has suddenly occurred to
me … 'If they could see me now！' meaning； of course； my friends at home；
and the idea of how they would pity me has made me pity myself … so
greatly that I have had the utmost difficulty to restrain my tears： but I
have restrained them； till my little tormentors were gone to dessert； or
cleared off to bed （my only prospects of deliverance）； and then； in all the
bliss of solitude； I have given myself up to the luxury of an unrestricted
burst of weeping。 But this was a weakness I did not often indulge： my
employments were too numerous； my leisure moments too precious； to
admit of much time being given to fruitless lamentations。
I particularly remember one wild； snowy afternoon； soon after my
return in January： the children had all come up from dinner； loudly
declaring that they meant 'to be naughty；' and they had well kept their
resolution； though I had talked myself hoarse； and wearied every muscle
in my throat； in the vain attempt to reason them out of it。 I had got Tom
pinned up in a corner； whence； I told him； he should not escape till he had
done his appointed task。 Meantime； Fanny had possessed herself of my
work…bag； and was rifling its contents … and spitting into it besides。 I told
her to let it alone； but to no purpose； of course。 'Burn it； Fanny！' cried
Tom： and THIS command she hastened to obey。 I sprang to snatch it
from the fire； and Tom darted to the door。 'Mary Ann； throw her desk out
of the window！' cried he： and my precious desk； containing my letters
and papers； my small amount of cash； and all my valuables； was about to
be precipitated from the three…storey window。 I flew to rescue it。
Meanwhile Tom had left the room； and was rushing down the stairs；
followed by Fanny。 Having secured my desk； I ran to catch them； and
Mary Ann came scampering after。 All three escaped me； and ran out of
the house into the garden； where they plunged about in the snow； shouting
and screaming in exultant glee。
What must I do？ If I followed them； I should probably be unable to
capture one； and only drive them farther away； if I did not； how was I to
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get them in？ And what would their parents think of me； if they saw or
heard the children rioting； hatless； bonnetless； gloveless； and bootless； in
the deep soft snow？ While I stood in this perplexity； just without the
door； trying； by grim looks and angry words； to awe them into subjection；
I heard a voice behind me； in harshly piercing tones； exclaiming； …
'Miss Grey！ Is it possible？ What； in the devil's name； can you be
thinking about？'
'I can't get them in； sir；' said I； turning round； and beholding Mr。
Bloomfield； with his hair on end； and his pale blue eyes bolting from their
sockets。
'But I INSIST upon their being got in！' cried he