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fear and shame？ We expect no miracles of fortitude and purity from our disciples。 It is our discipline； our wariness； our laborious preparation that creates the excellence we have among us。 We find it not ready made。
I counsel you to join Mrs。 Benington without delay。 You may see me when and as often as you please。 When it is proper to renew the present topic； it shall be renewed。 Till then we will be silent。Here Ludloe left me alone； but not to indifference or vacuity。 Indeed I was overwhelmed with the reflections that arose from this conversation。 So； said I； I am still saved； if I have wisdom enough to use the opportunity； from the consequences of past concealments。 By a distinction which I had wholly overlooked； but which could not be missed by the sagacity and equity of Ludloe； I have praise for telling the truth； and an excuse for withholding some of the truth。 It was； indeed； a praise to which I was entitled； for I have made no ~~additions~~ to the tale of my early adventures。 I had no motive to exaggerate or dress out in false colours。 What I sought to conceal； I was careful to exclude entirely； that a lame or defective narrative might awaken no suspicions。
The allusion to incidents at Toledo confounded and bewildered all my thoughts。 I still held the paper he had given me。 So far as memory could be trusted； it was the same which； an hour after I had received it； I burnt； as I conceived； with my own hands。 How Ludloe came into possession of this paper； how he was apprised of incidents； to which only the female mentioned and myself were privy； which she had too good reason to hide from all the world； and which I had taken infinite pains to bury in oblivion； I vainly endeavoured to conjecture。
End