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master mariner; knowing that many ships are wrecked in the
British channel; should venture there without a pilot; thinking
that he knew its perils too well to run any risk of them。 Yet; as
the doctor might hold such an opinion if he believed himself to
be constituted differently from ordinary men; or the shipmaster
adopt such a course under the impression that his vessel was a
star; Agatha found false security in the subjective difference
between her fellows seen from without and herself known from
within。 When; for instance; she fell in love with Mr。 Jefferson
Smilash (a step upon which she resolved the day after the storm);
her imagination invested the pleasing emotion with a sacredness
which; to her; set it far apart and distinct from the frivolous
fancies of which Henry and Augustus had been the subject; and she
the confidant。
〃I can look at him quite coolly and dispassionately;〃 she said to
herself。 〃Though his face has a strange influence that must; I
know; correspond to some unexplained power within me; yet it is
not a perfect face。 I have seen many men who are; strictly
speaking; far handsomer。 If the light that never was on sea or
land is in his eyes; yet they are not pretty eyesnot half so
clear as mine。 Though he wears his common clothes with a nameless
grace that betrays his true breeding at every step; yet he is not
tall; dark; and melancholy; as my ideal hero would be if I were
as great a fool as girls of my age usually are。 If I am in love;
I have sense enough not to let my love blind my judgment。〃
She did not tell anyone of her new interest in life。 Strongest in
that student community; she had used her power with good…nature
enough to win the popularity of a school leader; and occasionally
with unscrupulousness enough to secure the privileges of a school
bully。 Popularity and privilege; however; only satisfied her when
she was in the mood for them。 Girls; like men; want to be petted;
pitied; and made much of; when they are diffident; in low
spirits; or in unrequited love。 These are services which the weak
cannot render to the strong and which the strong will not render
to the weak; except when there is also a difference of sex。
Agatha knew by experience that though a weak woman cannot
understand why her stronger sister should wish to lean upon her;
she may triumph in the fact without understanding it; and give
chaff instead of consolation。 Agatha wanted to be understood and
not to be chaffed。 Finding herself unable to satisfy both these
conditions; she resolved to do without sympathy and to hold her
tongue。 She had often had to do so before; and she was helped on
this occasion by a sense of the ridiculous appearance her passion
might wear in the vulgar eye。 Her secret kept itself; as she was
supposed in the college to be insensible to the softer emotions。
Love wrought no external change upon her。 It made her believe
that she had left her girlhood behind her and was now a woman
with a newly…developed heart capacity at which she would
childishly have scoffed a little while before。 She felt ashamed
of the bee on the window pane; although it somehow buzzed as
frequently as before in spite of her。 Her calendar; formerly a
monotonous cycle of class times; meal times; play times; and bed
time; was now irregularly divided by walks past the chalet and
accidental glimpses of its tenant。
Early in December came a black frost; and navigation on the canal
was suspended。 Wickens's boy was sent to the college with news
that Wickens's pond would bear; and that the young ladies should
be welcome at any time。 The pond was only four feet deep; and as
Miss Wilson set much store by the physical education of her
pupils; leave was given for skating。 Agatha; who was expert on
the ice; immediately proposed that a select party should go out
before breakfast next morning。 Actions not in themselves virtuous
often appear so when performed at hours that compel early rising;
and some of the candidates for the Cambridge Local; who would not
have sacrificed the afternoon to amusement; at once fell in with
her suggestion。 But for them it might never have been carried
out; for when they summoned Agatha; at half…past six next
morning; to leave her warm bed and brave the biting air; she
would have refused without hesitation had she not been shamed
into compliance by these laborious ones who stood by her bedside;
blue…nosed and hungry; but ready for the ice。 When she had
dressed herself with much shuddering and chattering; they allayed
their internal discomfort by a slender meal of biscuits; got
their skates; and went out across the rimy meadows; past patient
cows breathing clouds of steam; to Wickens's pond。 Here; to their
surprise; was Smilash; on electro…plated acme skates; practicing
complicated figures with intense diligence。 It soon appeared that
his skill came short of his ambition; for; after several narrow
escapes and some frantic staggering; his calves; elbows; and
occiput smote the ice almost simultaneously。 On rising ruefully
to a sitting posture he became aware that eight young ladies were
watching his proceedings with interest。
〃This comes of a common man putting himself above his station by
getting into gentlemen's skates;〃 he said。 〃Had I been content
with a humble slide; as my fathers was; I should ha' been a
happier man at the present moment。〃 He sighed; rose; touched his
hat to Miss Ward; and took off his skates; adding: 〃Good…morning;
Miss。 Miss Wilson sent me word to be here sharp at six to put on
the young ladies' skates; and I took the liberty of trying a
figure or two to keep out the cold。〃
〃Miss Wilson did not tell me that she ordered you to come;〃 said
Miss Ward。
〃Just like her to be thoughtful and yet not let on to be! She is
a kind lady; and a learnedlike yourself; Miss。 Sit yourself
down on the camp…stool。 and give me your heel; if I may be so
bold as to stick a gimlet into it。〃
His assistance was welcome; and Miss Ward allowed him to put on
her skates。 She was a Canadian; and could skate well。 Jane; the
first to follow her; was anxious as to the strength of the ice;
but when reassured; she acquitted herself admirably; for she was
proficient in outdoor exercises; and had the satisfaction of
laughing in the field at those who laughed at her in the study。
Agatha; contrary to her custom; gave way to her companions; and
her boots were the last upon which Smilash operated。
〃How d'you do; Miss Wylie?〃 he said; dropping the Smilash manner
now that the rest were out of earshot。
〃I am very well; thank you;〃 said Agatha; shy and constrained。
This phase of her being new to him; he paused with her heel in
his hand and looked up at her curiously。 She collected herself;
returned his gaze steadily; and said: 〃How did Miss Wilson send
you word to come? She only knew of our party at half…past nine
last night。〃
〃Miss Wilson did not send for me。〃
〃But you have just told Miss Ward that she did。〃
〃Yes。 I find it necessary to tell almost as many lies now that I
am a simple laborer as I did when I was a gentleman。 More; in
fact。〃
〃I shall know how much to believe of what you say in the future。〃
〃The tru