按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
his heart in one last wild embrace and stifles a sob； I feel as sad as though
I had dealt at whist and turned up only a deuce； and when the heroine dies
in the end I weep。 If I read the same tale early in the morning I should
sneer at it。 Digestion； or rather indigestion； has a marvelous effect upon
the heart。 If I want to write any thing very patheticI mean； if I want to try
to write anything very patheticI eat a large plateful of hot buttered
muffins about an hour beforehand； and then by the time I sit down to my
work a feeling of unutterable melancholy has come over me。 I picture
heartbroken lovers parting forever at lonely wayside stiles； while the sad
twilight deepens around them； and only the tinkling of a distant sheep…bell
breaks the sorrow…laden silence。 Old men sit and gaze at withered flowers
till their sight is dimmed by the mist of tears。 Little dainty maidens wait
and watch at open casements； but 〃he cometh not；〃 and the heavy years
roll by and the sunny gold tresses wear white and thin。 The babies that
they dandled have become grown men and women with podgy torments of
their own； and the playmates that they laughed with are lying very silent
73
… Page 74…
THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
under the waving grass。 But still they wait and watch； till the dark
shadows of the unknown night steal up and gather round them and the
world with its childish troubles fades from their aching eyes。
I see pale corpses tossed on white…foamed waves； and death…beds
stained with bitter tears； and graves in trackless deserts。 I hear the wild
wailing of women； the low moaning of little children； the dry sobbing of
strong men。 It's all the muffins。 I could not conjure up one melancholy
fancy upon a mutton chop and a glass of champagne。
A full stomach is a great aid to poetry； and indeed no sentiment of any
kind can stand upon an empty one。 We have not time or inclination to
indulge in fanciful troubles until we have got rid of our real misfortunes。
We do not sigh over dead dicky…birds with the bailiff in the house； and
when we do not know where on earth to get our next shilling from； we do
not worry as to whether our mistress' smiles are cold； or hot； or lukewarm；
or anything else about them。
Foolish peoplewhen I say 〃foolish people〃 in this contemptuous way
I mean people who entertain different opinions to mine。 If there is one
person I do despise more than another； it is the man who does not think
exactly the same on all topics as I dofoolish people； I say； then； who
have never experienced much of either； will tell you that mental distress is
far more agonizing than bodily。 Romantic and touching theory！ so
comforting to the love…sick young sprig who looks down patronizingly at
some poor devil with a white starved face and thinks to himself； 〃Ah； how
happy you are compared with me！〃so soothing to fat old gentlemen who
cackle about the superiority of poverty over riches。 But it is all nonsense
all cant。 An aching head soon makes one forget an aching heart。 A broken
finger will drive away all recollections of an empty chair。 And when a man
feels really hungry he does not feel anything else。
We sleek； well…fed folk can hardly realize what feeling hungry is like。
We know what it is to have no appetite and not to care for the dainty
victuals placed before us； but we do not understand what it means to
sicken for foodto die for bread while others waste itto gaze with
famished eyes upon coarse fare steaming behind dingy windows； longing
for a pen'orth of pea pudding and not having the penny to buy itto feel
74
… Page 75…
THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
that a crust would be delicious and that a bone would be a banquet。
Hunger is a luxury to us； a piquant； flavor…giving sauce。 It is well
worth while to get hungry and thirsty merely to discover how much
gratification can be obtained from eating and drinking。 If you wish to
thoroughly enjoy your dinner； take a thirty…mile country walk after
breakfast and don't touch anything till you get back。 How your eyes will
glisten at sight of the white table…cloth and steaming dishes then！ With
what a sigh of content you will put down the empty beer tankard and take
up your knife and fork！ And how comfortable you feel afterward as you
push back your chair； light a cigar； and beam round upon everybody。
Make sure； however； when adopting this plan； that the good dinner is
really to be had at the end； or the disappointment is trying。 I remember
once a friend and Idear old Joe； it was。 Ah！ how we lose one another in
life's mist。 It must be eight years since I last saw Joseph Taboys。 How
pleasant it would be to meet his jovial face again； to clasp his strong hand；
and to hear his cheery laugh once more！ He owes me 14 shillings； too。
Well； we were on a holiday together； and one morning we had breakfast
early and started for a tremendous long walk。 We had ordered a duck for
dinner over night。 We said； 〃Get a big one； because we shall come home
awfully hungry；〃 and as we were going out our landlady came up in great
spirits。 She said； 〃I have got you gentlemen a duck； if you like。 If you get
through that you'll do well；〃 and she held up a bird about the size of a
door…mat。 We chuckled at the sight and said we would try。 We said it with
self…conscious pride； like men who know their own power。 Then we
started。
We lost our way； of course。 I always do in the country； and it does
make me so wild； because it is no use asking direction of any of the people
you meet。 One might as well inquire of a lodging…house slavey the way to
make beds as expect a country bumpkin to know the road to the next
village。 You have to shout the question about three times before the sound
of your voice penetrates his skull。 At the third time he slowly raises his
head and stares blankly at you。 You yell it at him then for a fourth time；
and he repeats it after you。 He ponders while you count a couple of
hundred； after