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himself is nothing worse than a boisterous friend when we meet him
between the hedge…rows。
But in the city where the painted stucco blisters under the smoky sun；
and the sooty rain brings slush and mud； and the snow lies piled in dirty
heaps； and the chill blasts whistle down dingy streets and shriek round
flaring gas lit corners； no face of Nature charms us。 Weather in towns is
like a skylark in a counting…houseout of place and in the way。 Towns
ought to be covered in； warmed by hot…water pipes； and lighted by
electricity。 The weather is a country lass and does not appear to advantage
in town。 We liked well enough to flirt with her in the hay…field； but she
does not seem so fascinating when we meet her in Pall Mall。 There is too
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
much of her there。 The frank； free laugh and hearty voice that sounded so
pleasant in the dairy jars against the artificiality of town…bred life； and her
ways become exceedingly trying。
Just lately she has been favoring us with almost incessant rain for
about three weeks； and I am a demned damp； moist； unpleasant body； as
Mr。 Mantalini puts it。
Our next…door neighbor comes out in the back garden every now and
then and says it's doing the country a world of goodnot his coming out
into the back garden； but the weather。 He doesn't understand anything
about it； but ever since he started a cucumber…frame last summer he has
regarded himself in the light of an agriculturist； and talks in this absurd
way with the idea of impressing the rest of the terrace with the notion that
he is a retired farmer。 I can only hope that for this once he is correct； and
that the weather really is doing good to something； because it is doing me
a considerable amount of damage。 It is spoiling both my clothes and my
temper。 The latter I can afford； as I have a good supply of it； but it wounds
me to the quick to see my dear old hats and trousers sinking； prematurely
worn and aged； beneath the cold world's blasts and snows。
There is my new spring suit； too。 A beautiful suit it was； and now it is
hanging up so bespattered with mud I can't bear to look at it。
That was Jim's fault； that was。 I should never have gone out in it that
night if it had not been for him。 I was just trying it on when he came in。 He
threw up his arms with a wild yell the moment be caught sight of it； and
exclaimed that he had 〃got 'em again！〃
I said： 〃Does it fit all right behind？〃
〃Spiffin； old man；〃 he replied。 And then he wanted to know if I was
coming out。
I said 〃no〃 at first； but he overruled me。 He said that a man with a suit
like that bad no right to stop indoors。 〃Every citizen；〃 said he； 〃owes a
duty to the public。 Each one should contribute to the general happiness as
far as lies in his power。 Come out and give the girls a treat。〃
Jim is slangy。 I don't know where he picks it up。 It certainly is not from
me
I said： 〃Do you think it will really please 'em？〃 He said it would be
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
like a day in the country to them。
That decided me。 It was a lovely evening and I went。
When I got home I undressed and rubbed myself down with whisky；
put my feet in hot water and a mustard…plaster on my chest； had a basin of
gruel and a glass of hot brandy…and…water； tallowed my nose； and went to
bed。
These prompt and vigorous measures； aided by a naturally strong
constitution； were the means of preserving my life； but as for the suit！
Well； there； it isn't a suit； it's a splash…board。
And I did fancy that suit； too。 But that's just the way。 I never do get
particular｛y fond of anything in this world but what something dreadful
happens to it。 I had a tame rat when I was a boy； and I loved that animal as
only a boy would love an old water…rat； and one day it fell into a large dish
of gooseberry…fool that was standing to cool in the kitchen； and nobody
knew what had become of the poor creature until the second helping。
I do hate wet weather in town。 At least； it is not so much the wet as the
mud that I object to。 Somehow or other I seem to possess an irresistible
alluring power over mud。 I have only to show myself in the street on a
muddy day to be half…smothered by it。 It all comes of being so attractive；
as the old lady said when she was struck by lightning。 Other people can go
out on dirty days and walk about for hours without getting a speck upon
themselves； while if I go across the road I come back a perfect disgrace to
be seen （as in my boyish days my poor dear mother tried often to tell me）。
If there were only one dab of mud to be found in the whole of London； I
am convinced I should carry it off from all competitors。
I wish I could return the affection； but I fear I never shall be able to。 I
have a horror of what they call the 〃London particular。〃 I feel miserable
and muggy all through a dirty day； and it is quite a relief to pull one's
clothes off and get into bed； out of the way of it all。 Everything goes
wrong in wet weather。 I don't know how it is； but there always seem to me
to be more people； and dogs； and perambulators； and cabs； and carts about
in wet weather than at any other time； and they all get in your way more；
and everybody is so disagreeableexcept myselfand it does make me so
wild。 And then； too； somehow I always find myself carrying more things
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
in wet weather than in dry； and when you have a bag； and three parcels；
and a newspaper； and it suddenly comes on to rain； you can't open your
umbrella。
Which reminds me of another phase of the weather that I can't bear；
and that is April weather （so called because it always comes in May）。
Poets think it very nice。 As it does not know its own mind five minutes
together； they liken it to a woman； and it is supposed to be very charming
on that account。 I don't appreciate it； myself。 Such lightning…change
business may be all very agreeable in a girl。 It is no doubt highly
delightful to have to do with a person who grins one moment about
nothing at all； and snivels the next for precisely the same cause； and who
then giggles； and