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Things do go so contrary…like with me。 I wanted to hit upon an
especially novel； out…of…the…way subject for one of these articles。 〃I will
write one paper about something altogether new；〃 I said to myself；
〃something that nobody else has ever written or talked about before； and
then I can have it all my own way。〃 And I went about for days； trying to
think of something of this kind； and I couldn't。 And Mrs。 Cutting； our
charwoman； came yesterdayI don't mind mentioning her name； because I
know she will not see this book。 She would not look at such a frivolous
publication。 She never reads anything but the Bible and _Lloyd's Weekly
News_。 All other literature she considers unnecessary and sinful。
She said： 〃Lor'； sir； you do look worried。〃
I said： 〃Mrs。 Cutting； I am trying to think of a subject the discussion of
which will come upon the world in the nature of a startlersome subject
upon which no previous human being has ever said a wordsome subject
that will attract by its novelty； invigorate by its surprising freshness。〃
She laughed and said I was a funny gentleman。
That's my luck again。 When I make serious observations people
chuckle； when I attempt a joke nobody sees it。 I had a beautiful one last
week。 I thought it so good； and I worked it up and brought it in artfully at
a dinner…party。 I forget how exactly； but we had been talking about the
attitude of Shakespeare toward the Reformation； and I said something and
immediately added； 〃Ah； that reminds me； such a funny thing happened
the other day in Whitechapel。〃 〃Oh；〃 said they； 〃what was that？〃 〃Oh；
'twas awfully funny；〃 I replied； beginning to giggle myself； 〃it will make
you roar；〃 and I told it them。
There was dead silence when I finishedit was one of those long jokes；
tooand then； at last； somebody said： 〃And that was the joke？〃
I assured them that it was； and they were very polite and took my word
for it。 All but one old gentleman at the other end of the table； who wanted
to know which was the jokewhat he said to her or what she said to him；
and we argued it out。
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
Some people are too much the other way。 I knew a fellow once whose
natural tendency to laugh at everything was so strong that if you wanted to
talk seriously to him； you had to explain beforehand that what you were
going to say would not be amusing。 Unless you got him to clearly
understand this； he would go off into fits of merriment over every word
you uttered。 I have known him on being asked the time stop short in the
middle of the road； slap his leg； and burst into a roar of laughter。 One
never dared say anything really funny to that man。 A good joke would
have killed him on the spot。
In the present instance I vehemently repudiated the accusation of
frivolity； and pressed Mrs。 Cutting for practical ideas。 She then became
thoughtful and hazarded 〃samplers；〃 saying that she never heard them
spoken much of now； but that they used to be all the rage when she was a
girl。
I declined samplers and begged her to think again。 She pondered a
long while； with a tea…tray in her hands； and at last suggested the weather；
which she was sure had been most trying of late。
And ever since that idiotic suggestion I have been unable to get the
weather out of my thoughts or anything else in。
It certainly is most wretched weather。 At all events it is so now at the
time I am writing； and if it isn't particularly unpleasant when I come to be
read it soon will be。
It always is wretched weather according to us。 The weather is like the
governmentalways in the wrong。 In summer…time we say it is stifling； in
winter that it is killing； in spring and autumn we find fault with it for being
neither one thing nor the other and wish it would make up its mind。 If it is
fine we say the country is being ruined for want of rain； if it does rain we
pray for fine weather。 If December passes without snow； we indignantly
demand to know what has become of our good old…fashioned winters； and
talk as if we had been cheated out of something we had bought and paid
for； and when it does snow； our language is a disgrace to a Christian
nation。 We shall never be content until each man makes his own weather
and keeps it to himself。
If that cannot be arranged； we would rather do without it altogether。
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THE IDLE THOUGHTS OF AN IDLE FELLOW。
Yet I think it is only to us in cities that all weather is so unwelcome。 In
her own home； the country； Nature is sweet in all her moods。 What can be
more beautiful than the snow； falling big with mystery in silent softness；
decking the fields and trees with white as if for a fairy wedding！ And how
delightful is a walk when the frozen ground rings beneath our swinging
treadwhen our blood tingles in the rare keen air； and the sheep…dogs'
distant bark and children's laughter peals faintly clear like Alpine bells
across the open hills！ And then skating！ scudding with wings of steel
across the swaying ice； making whirring music as we fly。 And oh； how
dainty is springNature at sweet eighteen！
When the little hopeful leaves peep out so fresh and green； so pure and
bright； like young lives pushing shyly out into the bustling world； when
the fruit…tree blossoms； pink and white； like village maidens in their
Sunday frocks； hide each whitewashed cottage in a cloud of fragile
splendor； and the cuckoo's note upon the breeze is wafted through the
woods！ And summer； with its deep dark green and drowsy humwhen the
rain…drops whisper solemn secrets to the listening leaves and the twilight
lingers in the lanes！ And autumn！ ah； how sadly fair； with its golden glow
and the dying grandeur of its tinted woodsits blood…red sunsets and its
ghostly evening mists； with its busy murmur of reapers； and its laden
orchards； and the calling of the gleaners； and the festivals of praise！
The very rain； and sleet； and hail seem only Nature's useful servants
when found doing their simple duties in the country； and the East Wind
himself is nothing worse than a boisterous friend when we meet him
betwee