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the Town Hall windows than sunlight streaming in shaft…like lines。
4。 OCTOBER THE NINETEENTH
When death enters a house； an element of sadness and an element of
horror accompany it。 Sadness； from the death itself： horror； from
the clouds of blackness we designedly labour to introduce。
The funeral had taken place。 Depressed； yet resolved in his
demeanour； Owen Graye sat before his father's private escritoire；
engaged in turning out and unfolding a heterogeneous collection of
papersforbidding and inharmonious to the eye at all timesmost of
all to one under the influence of a great grief。 Laminae of white
paper tied with twine were indiscriminately intermixed with other
white papers bounded by black edgesthese with blue foolscap
wrapped round with crude red tape。
The bulk of these letters； bills； and other documents were submitted
to a careful examination； by which the appended particulars were
ascertained：
First； that their father's income from professional sources had
been very small； amounting to not more than half their expenditure；
and that his own and his wife's property； upon which he had relied
for the balance； had been sunk and lost in unwise loans to
unscrupulous men； who had traded upon their father's too open…
hearted trustfulness。
Second； that finding his mistake； he had endeavoured to regain
his standing by the illusory path of speculation。 The most notable
instance of this was the following。 He had been induced； when at
Plymouth in the autumn of the previous year； to venture all his
spare capital on the bottomry security of an Italian brig which had
put into the harbour in distress。 The profit was to be
considerable； so was the risk。 There turned out to be no security
whatever。 The circumstances of the case tendered it the most
unfortunate speculation that a man like himselfignorant of all
such matterscould possibly engage in。 The vessel went down； and
all Mr。 Graye's money with it。
Third； that these failures had left him burdened with debts he
knew not how to meet； so that at the time of his death even the few
pounds lying to his account at the bank were his only in name。
Fourth； that the loss of his wife two years earlier had
awakened him to a keen sense of his blindness； and of his duty by
his children。 He had then resolved to reinstate by unflagging zeal
in the pursuit of his profession； and by no speculation； at least a
portion of the little fortune he had let go。
Cytherea was frequently at her brother's elbow during these
examinations。 She often remarked sadly
'Poor papa failed to fulfil his good intention for want of time；
didn't he； Owen？ And there was an excuse for his past； though he
never would claim it。 I never forget that original disheartening
blow； and how that from it sprang all the ills of his life
everything connected with his gloom； and the lassitude in business
we used so often to see about him。'
'I remember what he said once；' returned the brother； 'when I sat up
late with him。 He said； 〃Owen； don't love too blindly： blindly you
will love if you love at all； but a little care is still possible to
a well…disciplined heart。 May that heart be yours as it was not
mine；〃 father said。 〃Cultivate the art of renunciation。〃 And I am
going to； Cytherea。'
'And once mamma said that an excellent woman was papa's ruin；
because he did not know the way to give her up when he had lost her。
I wonder where she is now； Owen？ We were told not to try to find
out anything about her。 Papa never told us her name； did he？'
'That was by her own request； I believe。 But never mind her； she
was not our mother。'
The love affair which had been Ambrose Graye's disheartening blow
was precisely of that nature which lads take little account of； but
girls ponder in their hearts。
5。 FROM OCTOBER THE NINETEENTH TO JULY THE NINTH
Thus Ambrose Graye's good intentions with regard to the
reintegration of his property had scarcely taken tangible form when
his sudden death put them for ever out of his power。
Heavy bills； showing the extent of his obligations； tumbled in
immediately upon the heels of the funeral from quarters previously
unheard and unthought of。 Thus pressed； a bill was filed in
Chancery to have the assets； such as they were； administered by the
Court。
'What will become of us now？' thought Owen continually。
There is in us an unquenchable expectation； which at the gloomiest
time persists in inferring that because we are OURSELVES； there must
be a special future in store for us； though our nature and
antecedents to the remotest particular have been common to
thousands。 Thus to Cytherea and Owen Graye the question how their
lives would end seemed the deepest of possible enigmas。 To others
who knew their position equally well with themselves the question
was the easiest that could be asked'Like those of other people
similarly circumstanced。'
Then Owen held a consultation with his sister to come to some
decision on their future course； and a month was passed in waiting
for answers to letters； and in the examination of schemes more or
less futile。 Sudden hopes that were rainbows to the sight proved
but mists to the touch。 In the meantime； unpleasant remarks；
disguise them as some well…meaning people might； were floating
around them every day。 The undoubted truth； that they were the
children of a dreamer who let slip away every farthing of his money
and ran into debt with his neighboursthat the daughter had been
brought up to no professionthat the son who had； had made no
progress in it； and might come to the dogscould not from the
nature of things be wrapped up in silence in order that it might not
hurt their feelings； and as a matter of fact； it greeted their ears
in some form or other wherever they went。 Their few acquaintances
passed them hurriedly。 Ancient pot…wallopers； and thriving
shopkeepers； in their intervals of leisure； stood at their shop…
doorstheir toes hanging over the edge of the step； and their obese
waists hanging over their toesand in discourses with friends on
the pavement； formulated the course of the improvident； and reduced
the children's prospects to a shadow…like attenuation。 The sons of
these men （who wore breastpins of a sarcastic kind； and smoked
humorous pipes） stared at Cytherea with a stare unmitigated by any
of the respect that had formerly softened it。
Now it is a noticeable fact that we do not much mind what men think
of us； or what humiliating secret they discover of our means；
parentage； or object； provided that each thinks and acts thereupon
in isolation。 It is the exchange of ideas about us that we dread
most； and the possession by a hundred acquaintances； severally
insulated； of the knowledge of our skeleton…closet's whereabouts； is
not so distressing to the nerves as a chat over it by a party of
half…a…dozenexclusive depositaries though these may be。
Perhaps； though Hocbridge watched and whispered； its animus would
have been little more than a trifle to persons in thriving
circumstances。 But unfortunately； poverty； whilst it is new； and
before the skin has had time to thicken； makes