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year a thousand problem plays and novels； poems and essays； tear the
curtain from Love's Temple； drag it naked into the market…place for
grinning crowds to gape at。 In a million short stories； would…be comic；
would…be serious； it is handled more or less coarsely； more or less
unintelligently； gushed over； gibed and jeered at。 Not a shred of self…
respect is left to it。 It is made the central figure of every farce； danced
and sung round in every music…hall； yelled at by gallery； guffawed at by
stalls。 It is the stock…in…trade of every comic journal。 Could any god；
even a Mumbo Jumbo； so treated； hold its place among its votaries？
Every term of endearment has become a catchword； every caress mocks us
from the hoardings。 Every tender speech we make recalls to us even
while we are uttering it a hundred parodies。 Every possible situation has
been spoilt for us in advance by the American humorist。〃
〃I have sat out a good many parodies of 'Hamlet；'〃 said the Minor Poet；
〃but the play still interests me。 I remember a walking tour I once took in
Bavaria。 In some places the waysides are lined with crucifixes that are
either comic or repulsive。 There is a firm that turns them out by
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machinery。 Yet； to the peasants who pass by； the Christ is still beautiful。
You can belittle only what is already contemptible。〃 〃Patriotism is a
great virtue；〃 replied the Philosopher： 〃the Jingoes have made it
ridiculous。〃
〃On the contrary；〃 said the Minor Poet； 〃they have taught us to
distinguish between the true and the false。 So it is with love。 The more it
is cheapened； ridiculed； employed for market purposes； the less the
inclination to affect itto be in love with love； as Heine admitted he was；
for its own sake。〃
〃Is the necessity to love born in us；〃 said the Girton Girl； 〃or do we
practise to acquire it because it is the fashionmake up our mind to love；
as boys learn to smoke； because every other fellow does it； and we do not
like to be peculiar？〃
〃The majority of men and women；〃 said the Minor Poet； 〃are
incapable of love。 With most it is a mere animal passion； with others a
mild affection。〃
〃We talk about love；〃 said the Philosopher； 〃as though it were a known
quantity。 After all； to say that a man loves is like saying that he paints or
plays the violin； it conveys no meaning until we have witnessed his
performance。 Yet to hear the subject discussed； one might imagine the
love of a Dante or a society Johnny； of a Cleopatra or a Georges Sand； to
be precisely the same thing。〃
〃It was always poor Susan's trouble；〃 said the Woman of the World；
〃she could never be persuaded that Jim really loved her。 It was very sad；
because I am sure he was devoted to her； in his way。 But he could not do
the sort of things she wanted him to do； she was so romantic。 He did try。
He used to go to all the poetical plays and study them。 But he hadn't the
knack of it and he was naturally clumsy。 He would rush into the room
and fling himself on his knees before her； never noticing the dog； so that；
instead of pouring out his heart as he had intended； he would have to start
off with； 'So awfully sorry！ Hope I haven't hurt the little beast？' Which
was enough to put anybody out。〃
〃Young girls are so foolish；〃 said the Old Maid； 〃they run after what
glitters； and do not see the gold until it is too late。 At first they are all
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eyes and no heart。〃
〃I knew a girl；〃 I said； 〃or； rather； a young married woman； who was
cured of folly by the homoeopathic method。 Her great trouble was that
her husband had ceased to be her lover。〃
〃It seems to me so sad；〃 said the Old Maid。 〃Sometimes it is the
woman's fault； sometimes the man's； more often both。 The little
courtesies； the fond words； the tender nothings that mean so much to those
that loveit would cost so little not to forget them； and they would make
life so much more beautiful。〃
〃There is a line of common sense running through all things；〃 I replied；
〃the secret of life consists in not diverging far from it on either side。 He
had been the most devoted wooer； never happy out of her eyes； but before
they had been married a year she found to her astonishment that he could
be content even away from her skirts； that he actually took pains to render
himself agreeable to other women。 He would spend whole afternoons at
his club； slip out for a walk occasionally by himself； shut himself up now
and again in his study。 It went so far that one day he expressed a distinct
desire to leave her for a week and go a…fishing with some other men。 She
never complainedat least； not to him。〃 〃That is where she was foolish；〃
said the Girton Girl。 〃Silence in such cases is a mistake。 The other
party does not know what is the matter with you； and you yourselfyour
temper bottled up within become more disagreeable every day。〃
〃She confided her trouble to a friend；〃 I explained。
〃I so dislike people who do that；〃 said the Woman of the World。
〃Emily never would speak to George； she would come and complain about
him to me； as if I were responsible for him： I wasn't even his mother。
When she had finished； George would come along； and I had to listen to
the whole thing over again from his point of view。 I got so tired of it at last
that I determined to stop it。〃
〃How did you succeed？〃 asked the Old Maid； who appeared to be
interested in the recipe。
〃I knew George was coming one afternoon；〃 explained the Woman of
the World； 〃so I persuaded Emily to wait in the conservatory。 She
thought I was going to give him good advice； instead of that I sympathised
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with him and encouraged him to speak his mind freely； which he did。 It
made her so mad that she came out and told him what she thought of him。
I left them at it。