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〃As a matter of fact；〃 observed the Woman of the World； 〃I don't think
we donot we； personally； not much。 Most of our time we appear to be
listening to you。〃
〃Then why do I talk so much； if you prefer to put it that way？〃
continued the Minor Poet。 〃If I talked less； one of you others would have
to talk more。〃
〃There would be that advantage about it；〃 agreed the Philosopher。
〃In all probability； you；〃 returned to him the Minor Poet。 〃Whether
as a happy party we should gain or lose by the exchange； it is not for me to
say； though I have my own opinion。 The essential remains… …that the
stream of chatter must be kept perpetually flowing。 Why？〃
〃There is a man I know；〃 I said； 〃you may have met him； a man named
Longrush。 He is not exactly a bore。 A bore expects you to listen to him。
This man is apparently unaware whether you are listening to him or not。
He is not a fool。 A fool is occasionally amusing Longrush never。 No
subject comes amiss to him。 Whatever the topic； he has something
uninteresting to say about it。 He talks as a piano…organ grinds out music
steadily； strenuously； tirelessly。 The moment you stand or sit him down
he begins； to continue ceaselessly till wheeled away in cab or omnibus to
his next halting…place。 As in the case of his prototype； his rollers are
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changed about once a month to suit the popular taste。 In January he
repeats to you Dan Leno's jokes； and gives you other people's opinions
concerning the Old Masters at the Guild…hall。 In June he recounts at
length what is generally thought concerning the Academy； and agrees with
most people on most points connected with the Opera。 If forgetful for a
momentas an Englishman may be excused for beingwhether it be
summer or winter； one may assure oneself by waiting to see whether
Longrush is enthusing over cricket or football。 He is always up…to… date。
The last new Shakespeare； the latest scandal； the man of the hour； the next
nine days' wonderby the evening Longrush has his roller ready。 In my
early days of journalism I had to write each evening a column for a
provincial daily； headed 'What People are Saying。' The editor was
precise in his instructions。 'I don't want your opinions； I don't want you
to be funny； never mind whether the thing appears to you to be interesting
or not。 I want it to be real； the things people ARE saying。' I tried to be
conscientious。 Each paragraph began with 'That。' I wrote the column
because I wanted the thirty shillings。 Why anybody ever read it； I fail to
understand to this day； but I believe it was one of the popular features of
the paper。 Longrush invariably brings back to my mind the dreary hours
I spent penning that fatuous record。〃
〃I think I know the man you mean；〃 said the Philosopher。 〃I had
forgotten his name。〃
〃I thought it possible you might have met him；〃 I replied。 〃Well； my
cousin Edith was arranging a dinner…party the other day； and； as usual； she
did me the honour to ask my advice。 Generally speaking； I do not give
advice nowadays。 As a very young man I was generous with it。 I have
since come to the conclusion that responsibility for my own muddles and
mistakes is sufficient。 However； I make an exception in Edith's case；
knowing that never by any chance will she follow it。〃
〃Speaking of editors；〃 said the Philosopher； 〃Bates told me at the club
the other night that he had given up writing the 'Answers to
Correspondents' personally； since discovery of the fact that he had been
discussing at some length the attractive topic； 'Duties of a Father；' with his
own wife； who is somewhat of a humorist。〃
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〃There was the wife of a clergyman my mother used to tell of；〃 said
the Woman of the World； 〃who kept copies of her husband's sermons。 She
would read him extracts from them in bed； in place of curtain lectures。
She explained it saved her trouble。 Everything she felt she wanted to say
to him he had said himself so much more forcibly。〃
〃The argument always appears to me weak；〃 said the Philosopher。 〃If
only the perfect may preach； our pulpits would remain empty。 Am I to
ignore the peace that slips into my soul when perusing the Psalms； to deny
myself all benefit from the wisdom of the Proverbs； because neither David
nor Solomon was a worthy casket of the jewels that God had placed in
them？ Is a temperance lecturer never to quote the self…reproaches of poor
Cassio because Master Will Shakespeare； there is evidence to prove； was a
gentleman； alas！ much too fond of the bottle？ The man that beats the
drum may be himself a coward。 It is the drum that is the important thing
to us； not the drummer。〃
〃Of all my friends；〃 said the Woman of the World； 〃the one who has
the most trouble with her servants is poor Jane Meredith。〃
〃I am exceedingly sorry to hear it；〃 observed the Philosopher； after a
slight pause。 〃But forgive me； I really do not see〃
〃I beg your pardon；〃 answered the Woman of the World。 〃I thought
everybody knew 'Jane Meredith。' She writes 'The Perfect Home' column
for The Woman's World。〃
〃It will always remain a riddle； one supposes；〃 said the Minor Poet。
〃Which is the real egoI； the author of 'The Simple Life；' fourteenth
edition； three and sixpence net〃
〃Don't；〃 pleaded the Old Maid； with a smile； 〃please don't。〃
〃Don't what？〃 demanded the Minor Poet。
〃Don't ridicule itmake fun of it； even though it may happen to be
your own。 There are parts of it I know by heart。 I say them over to
myself when Don't spoil it for me。〃 The Old Maid laughed； but
nervously。
〃My dear lady；〃 reassured her the Minor Poet； 〃do not be afraid。 No
one regards that poem with more reverence than do I。 You can have but
small concep