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cushion； and closed his eyes。 He remained thus for a minute。
〃Is it disagreeable to you to remain with me； now that you know
who I am？〃
〃Oh； no。〃
〃You have no desire to sleep？〃
〃Not at all。〃
〃Then do you want me to tell you the story of my life？〃
Just then the conductor passed。 He followed him with an
ill…natured look； and did not begin until he had gone again。
Then during all the rest of the story he did not stop once。 Even
the new travellers as they entered did not stop him。
His face； while he was talking； changed several times so
completely that it bore positively no resemblance to itself as it
had appeared just before。 His eyes； his mouth； his moustache；
and even his beard； all were new。 Each time it was a beautiful
and touching physiognomy； and these transformations were produced
suddenly in the penumbra； and for five minutes it was the same
face； that could not be compared to that of five minutes before。
And then； I know not how； it changed again； and became
unrecognizable。
CHAPTER IV。
〃Well； I am going then to tell you my life； and my whole
frightful history；yes； frightful。 And the story itself is more
frightful than the outcome。〃
He became silent for a moment； passed his hands over his eyes；
and began：
〃To be understood clearly； the whole must be told from the
beginning。 It must be told how and why I married； and what I was
before my marriage。 First； I will tell you who I am。 The son of
a rich gentleman of the steppes； an old marshal of the nobility；
I was a University pupil； a graduate of the law school。 I
married in my thirtieth year。 But before talking to you of my
marriage； I must tell you how I lived formerly； and what ideas I
had of conjugal life。 I led the life of so many other so…called
respectable people；that is； in debauchery。 And like the
majority； while leading the life of a debauche； I was convinced
that I was a man of irreproachable morality。
〃The idea that I had of my morality arose from the fact that in
my family there was no knowledge of those special debaucheries；
so common in the surroundings of land…owners； and also from the
fact that my father and my mother did not deceive each other。 In
consequence of this； I had built from childhood a dream of high
and poetical conjugal life。 My wife was to be perfection itself；
our mutual love was to be incomparable； the purity of our
conjugal life stainless。 I thought thus； and all the time I
marvelled at the nobility of my projects。
〃At the same time； I passed ten years of my adult life without
hurrying toward marriage； and I led what I called the
well…regulated and reasonable life of a bachelor。 I was proud of
it before my friends； and before all men of my age who abandoned
themselves to all sorts of special refinements。 I was not a
seducer； I had no unnatural tastes； I did not make debauchery the
principal object of my life； but I found pleasure within the
limits of society's rules； and innocently believed myself a
profoundly moral being。 The women with whom I had relations did
not belong to me alone； and I asked of them nothing but the
pleasure of the moment。
〃In all this I saw nothing abnormal。 On the contrary； from the
fact that I did not engage my heart； but paid in cash； I supposed
that I was honest。 I avoided those women who； by attaching
themselves to me； or presenting me with a child； could bind my
future。 Moreover； perhaps there may have been children or
attachments； but I so arranged matters that I could not become
aware of them。
〃And living thus； I considered myself a perfectly honest man。 I
did not understand that debauchery does not consist simply in
physical acts； that no matter what physical ignominy does not yet
constitute debauchery； and that real debauchery consists in
freedom from the moral bonds toward a woman with whom one enters
into carnal relations； and I regarded THIS FREEDOM as a merit。 I
remember that I once tortured myself exceedingly for having
forgotten to pay a woman who probably had given herself to me
through love。 I only became tranquil again when； having sent her
the money； I had thus shown her that I did not consider myself as
in any way bound to her。 Oh； do not shake your head as if you
were in agreement with me （he cried suddenly with vehemence）。 I
know these tricks。 All of you； and you especially； if you are
not a rare exception； have the same ideas that I had then。 If
you are in agreement with me； it is now only。 Formerly you did
not think so。 No more did I； and； if I had been told what I have
just told you； that which has happened would not have happened。
However； it is all the same。 Excuse me （he continued）： the truth
is that it is frightful； frightful； frightful； this abyss of
errors and debaucheries in which we live face to face with the
real question of the rights of woman。〃 。 。 。
〃What do you mean by the 'real' question of the rights of
woman？〃
〃The question of the nature of this special being； organized
otherwise than man； and how this being and man ought to view the
wife。 。 。 。
CHAPTER V。
〃Yes： for ten years I lived the most revolting existence； while
dreaming of the noblest love； and even in the name of that love。
Yes； I want to tell you how I killed my wife； and for that I must
tell you how I debauched myself。 I killed her before I knew her。
I killed THE wife when I first tasted sensual joys without love；
and then it was that I killed MY wife。 Yes； sir： it is only
after having suffered； after having tortured myself； that I have
come to understand the root of things； that I have come to
understand my crimes。 Thus you will see where and how began the
drama that has led me to misfortune。
〃It is necessary to go back to my sixteenth year； when I was
still at school； and my elder brother a first…year student。 I
had not yet known women but； like all the unfortunate children of
our society； I was already no longer innocent。 I was tortured；
as you were； I am sure； and as are tortured ninety…nine
one…hundredths of our boys。 I lived in a frightful dread； I
prayed to God； and I prostrated myself。
〃I was already perverted in imagination； but the last steps
remained to be taken。 I could still escape； when a friend of my
brother； a very gay student； one of those who are called good
fellows；that is； the greatest of scamps；and who had taught us
to drink and play cards； took advantage of a night of
intoxication to drag us THERE。 We started。 My brother； as
innocent as I； fell that night； and I； a mere lad of sixteen；
polluted myself and helped to pollute a sister…woman； without
understanding what I did。 Never had I heard from my elders that
what I thus did was bad。 It is true that there are the ten
commandments of the Bible； but the commandments are made only to
be recited before the priests at examinations； and even then are
not as