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smoking。'
〃And she sat down beside me on the sofa; resting against my
shoulder。 I recoiled; that I might not touch her。
〃'I see that you are displeased with what I wish to play on
Sunday;' said she。
〃'I am not at all displeased;' said I。
〃'Can I not see?'
〃'Well; I congratulate you on your clairvoyance。 Only to you
every baseness is agreeable; and I abhor it。'
〃'If you are going to swear like a trooper; I am going away。'
〃'Then go away。 Only know that; if the honor of the family is
nothing to you; to me it is dear。 As for you; the devil take
you!'
〃'What! What is the matter?'
〃'Go away; in the name of God。'
〃But she did not go away。 Was she pretending not to understand;
or did she really not understand what I meant? But she was
offended and became angry。
〃'You have become absolutely impossible;' she began; or some such
phrase as that regarding my character; trying; as usual; to give
me as much pain as possible。 'After what you have done to my
sister (she referred to an incident with her sister; in which;
beside myself; I had uttered brutalities; she knew that that
tortured me; and tried to touch me in that tender spot) nothing
will astonish me。'
〃'Yes; offended; humiliated; and dishonored; and after that to
hold me still responsible;' thought I; and suddenly a rage; such
a hatred invaded me as I do not remember to have ever felt
before。 For the first time I desired to express this hatred
physically。 I leaped upon her; but at the same moment I
understood my condition; and I asked myself whether it would be
well for me to abandon myself to my fury。 And I answered myself
that it would be well; that it would frighten her; and; instead
of resisting; I lashed and spurred myself on; and was glad to
feel my anger boiling more and more fiercely。
〃'Go away; or I will kill you!' I cried; purposely; with a
frightful voice; and I grasped her by the arm。 She did not go
away。 Then I twisted her arm; and pushed her away violently。
〃'What is the matter with you? Come to your senses!' she
shrieked。
〃'Go away;' roared I; louder than ever; rolling my eyes wildly。
'It takes you to put me in such a fury。 I do not answer for
myself! Go away!'
〃In abandoning myself to my anger; I became steeped in it; and I
wanted to commit some violent act to show the force of my fury。
I felt a terrible desire to beat her; to kill her; but I realized
that that could not be; and I restrained myself。 I drew back
from her; rushed to the table; grasped the paper…weight; and
threw it on the floor by her side。 I took care to aim a little
to one side; and; before she disappeared (I did it so that she
could see it); I grasped a candlestick; which I also hurled; and
then took down the barometer; continuing to shout:
〃'Go away! I do not answer for myself!'
〃She disappeared; and I immediately ceased my demonstrations。 An
hour later the old servant came to me and said that my wife was
in a fit of hysterics。 I went to see her。 She sobbed and
laughed; incapable of expressing anything; her whole body in a
tremble。 She was not shamming; she was really sick。 We sent for
the doctor; and all night long I cared for her。 Toward daylight
she grew calmer; and we became reconciled under the influence of
that feeling which we called 'love。' The next morning; when;
after the reconciliation; I confessed to her that I was jealous
of Troukhatchevsky; she was not at all embarrassed; and began to
laugh in the most natural way; so strange did the possibility of
being led astray by such a man appear to her。
〃'With such a man can an honest woman entertain any feeling
beyond the pleasure of enjoying music with him? But if you like;
I am ready to never see him again; even on Sunday; although
everybody has been invited。 Write him that I am indisposed; and
that will end the matter。 Only one thing annoys me;that any
one could have thought him dangerous。 I am too proud not to
detest such thoughts。'
〃And she did not lie。 She believed what she said。 She hoped by
her words to provoke in herself a contempt for him; and thereby
to defend herself。 But she did not succeed。 Everything was
directed against her; especially that abominable music。 So ended
the quarrel; and on Sunday our guests came; and Troukhatchevsky
and my wife again played together。
CHAPTER XXIII。
〃I think that it is superfluous to say that I was very vain。 If
one has no vanity in this life of ours; there is no sufficient
reason for living。 So for that Sunday I had busied myself in
tastefully arranging things for the dinner and the musical
soiree。 I had purchased myself numerous things for the dinner;
and had chosen the guests。 Toward six o'clock they arrived; and
after them Troukhatchevsky; in his dress…coat; with diamond
shirt…studs; in bad taste。 He bore himself with ease。 To all
questions he responded promptly; with a smile of contentment and
understanding; and that peculiar expression which was intended to
mean: 'All that you may do and say will be exactly what I
expected。' Everything about him that was not correct I now
noticed with especial pleasure; for it all tended to tranquillize
me; and prove to me that to my wife he stood in such a degree of
inferiority that; as she had told me; she could not stoop to his
level。 Less because of my wife's assurances than because of the
atrocious sufferings which I felt in jealousy; I no longer
allowed myself to be jealous。
〃In spite of that; I was not at ease with the musician or with
her during dinner…time and the time that elapsed before the
beginning of the music。 Involuntarily I followed each of their
gestures and looks。 The dinner; like all dinners; was tiresome
and conventional。 Not long afterward the music began。 He went
to get his violin; my wife advanced to the piano; and rummaged
among the scores。 Oh; how well I remember all the details of
that evening! I remember how he brought the violin; how he
opened the box; took off the serge embroidered by a lady's hand;
and began to tune the instrument。 I can still see my wife sit
down; with a false air of indifference; under which it was plain
that she hid a great timidity; a timidity that was especially due
to her comparative lack of musical knowledge。 She sat down with
that false air in front of the piano; and then began the usual
preliminaries;the pizzicati of the violin and the arrangement
of the scores。 I remember then how they looked at each other;
and cast a glance at their auditors who were taking their seats。
They said a few words to each other; and the music began。 They
played Beethoven's 'Kreutzer Sonata。' Do you know the first
presto? Do you know it? Ah!〃 。 。 。
Posdnicheff heaved a sigh; and was silent for a long time。
〃A terrible thing is that sonata; especially the presto! And a
terrible thing is music in general。 What is it