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01-the kreutzer sonata-第21章

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smoking。'



〃And she sat down beside me on the sofa; resting against my

shoulder。  I recoiled; that I might not touch her。



〃'I see that you are displeased with what I wish to play on

Sunday;' said she。



〃'I am not at all displeased;' said I。



〃'Can I not see?'



〃'Well; I congratulate you on your clairvoyance。  Only to you

every baseness is agreeable; and I abhor it。'



〃'If you are going to swear like a trooper; I am going away。'



〃'Then go away。  Only know that; if the honor of the family is

nothing to you; to me it is dear。  As for you; the devil take

you!'



〃'What!  What is the matter?'



〃'Go away; in the name of God。'



〃But she did not go away。  Was she pretending not to understand;

or did she really not understand what I meant?  But she was

offended and became angry。



〃'You have become absolutely impossible;' she began; or some such

phrase as that regarding my character; trying; as usual; to give

me as much pain as possible。  'After what you have done to my

sister (she referred to an incident with her sister; in which;

beside myself; I had uttered brutalities; she knew that that

tortured me; and tried to touch me in that tender spot) nothing

will astonish me。'



〃'Yes; offended; humiliated; and dishonored; and after that to

hold me still responsible;' thought I; and suddenly a rage; such

a hatred invaded me as I do not remember to have ever felt

before。  For the first time I desired to express this hatred

physically。  I leaped upon her; but at the same moment I

understood my condition; and I asked myself whether it would be

well for me to abandon myself to my fury。  And I answered myself

that it would be well; that it would frighten her; and; instead

of resisting; I lashed and spurred myself on; and was glad to

feel my anger boiling more and more fiercely。



〃'Go away; or I will kill you!' I cried; purposely; with a

frightful voice; and I grasped her by the arm。  She did not go

away。  Then I twisted her arm; and pushed her away violently。



〃'What is the matter with you?  Come to your senses!' she

shrieked。



〃'Go away;' roared I; louder than ever; rolling my eyes wildly。 

'It takes you to put me in such a fury。  I do not answer for

myself!  Go away!'



〃In abandoning myself to my anger; I became steeped in it; and I

wanted to commit some violent act to show the force of my fury。 

I felt a terrible desire to beat her; to kill her; but I realized

that that could not be; and I restrained myself。  I drew back

from her; rushed to the table; grasped the paper…weight; and

threw it on the floor by her side。  I took care to aim a little

to one side; and; before she disappeared (I did it so that she

could see it); I grasped a candlestick; which I also hurled; and

then took down the barometer; continuing to shout:



〃'Go away!  I do not answer for myself!'



〃She disappeared; and I immediately ceased my demonstrations。  An

hour later the old servant came to me and said that my wife was

in a fit of hysterics。  I went to see her。  She sobbed and

laughed; incapable of expressing anything; her whole body in a

tremble。  She was not shamming; she was really sick。  We sent for

the doctor; and all night long I cared for her。  Toward daylight

she grew calmer; and we became reconciled under the influence of

that feeling which we called 'love。'  The next morning; when;

after the reconciliation; I confessed to her that I was jealous

of Troukhatchevsky; she was not at all embarrassed; and began to

laugh in the most natural way; so strange did the possibility of

being led astray by such a man appear to her。



 〃'With such a man can an honest woman entertain any feeling

beyond the pleasure of enjoying music with him?  But if you like;

I am ready to never see him again; even on Sunday; although

everybody has been invited。  Write him that I am indisposed; and

that will end the matter。  Only one thing annoys me;that any

one could have thought him dangerous。  I am too proud not to

detest such thoughts。'



〃And she did not lie。  She believed what she said。  She hoped by

her words to provoke in herself a contempt for him; and thereby

to defend herself。  But she did not succeed。  Everything was

directed against her; especially that abominable music。  So ended

the quarrel; and on Sunday our guests came; and Troukhatchevsky

and my wife again played together。



 

CHAPTER  XXIII。



〃I think that it is superfluous to say that I was very vain。  If

one has no vanity in this life of ours; there is no sufficient

reason for living。 So for that Sunday I had busied myself in

tastefully arranging things for the dinner and the musical

soiree。  I had purchased myself numerous things for the dinner;

and had chosen the guests。  Toward six o'clock they arrived; and

after them Troukhatchevsky; in his dress…coat; with diamond

shirt…studs; in bad taste。  He bore himself with ease。  To all

questions he responded promptly; with a smile of contentment and

understanding; and that peculiar expression which was intended to

mean: 'All that you may do and say will be exactly what I

expected。' Everything about him that was not correct I now

noticed with especial pleasure; for it all tended to tranquillize

me; and prove to me that to my wife he stood in such a degree of

inferiority that; as she had told me; she could not stoop to his

level。  Less because of my wife's assurances than because of the

atrocious sufferings which I felt in jealousy; I no longer

allowed myself to be jealous。



〃In spite of that; I was not at ease with the musician or with

her during dinner…time and the time that elapsed before the

beginning of the music。  Involuntarily I followed each of their

gestures and looks。  The dinner; like all dinners; was tiresome

and conventional。  Not long afterward the music began。  He went

to get his violin; my wife advanced to the piano; and rummaged

among the scores。  Oh; how well I remember all the details of

that evening!  I remember how he brought the violin; how he

opened the box; took off the serge embroidered by a lady's hand;

and began to tune the instrument。  I can still see my wife sit

down; with a false air of indifference; under which it was plain

that she hid a great timidity; a timidity that was especially due

to her comparative lack of musical knowledge。  She sat down with

that false air in front of the piano; and then began the usual

preliminaries;the pizzicati of the violin and the arrangement

of the scores。  I remember then how they looked at each other;

and cast a glance at their auditors who were taking their seats。 

They said a few words to each other; and the music began。  They

played Beethoven's 'Kreutzer Sonata。'  Do you know the first

presto? Do you know it?  Ah!〃 。 。 。



Posdnicheff heaved a sigh; and was silent for a long time。



〃A terrible thing is that sonata; especially the presto!  And a

terrible thing is music in general。  What is it 
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