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Clarence's must have had a pleasanter flavor than Seine mud。 When we
sink gloriously under the table； is not that a periodical death by
drowning on a small scale？ If we are picked up by the police and
stretched out on those chilly benches of theirs at the police…station；
do we not enjoy all the pleasures of the Morgue？ For though we are not
blue and green； muddy and swollen corpses； on the other hand we have
the consciousness of the climax。
〃 'Ah；' he went on； 'this protracted suicide has nothing in common
with the bankrupt grocer's demise。 Tradespeople have brought the river
into disrepute； they fling themselves in to soften their creditors'
hearts。 In your place I should endeavor to die gracefully； and if you
wish to invent a novel way of doing it； by struggling with life after
this manner； I will be your second。 I am disappointed and sick of
everything。 The Alsacienne； whom it was proposed that I should marry；
had six toes on her left foot； I cannot possibly live with a woman who
has six toes！ It would get about to a certainty； and then I should be
ridiculous。 Her income was only eighteen thousand francs； her fortune
diminished in quantity as her toes increased。 The devil take it； if we
begin an outrageous sort of life； we may come on some bit of luck；
perhaps！'
〃Rastignac's eloquence carried me away。 The attractions of the plan
shone too temptingly； hopes were kindled； the poetical aspects of the
matter appealed to a poet。
〃 'How about money？' I said。
〃 'Haven't you four hundred and fifty francs？'
〃 'Yes； but debts to my landlady and the tailor'
〃 'You would pay your tailor？ You will never be anything whatever； not
so much as a minister。'
〃 'But what can one do with twenty louis？'
〃 'Go to the gaming…table。'
〃I shuddered。
〃 'You are going to launch out into what I call systematic
dissipation；' said he； noticing my scruples； 'and yet you are afraid
of a green table…cloth。'
〃 'Listen to me；' I answered。 'I promised my father never to set foot
in a gaming…house。 Not only is that a sacred promise； but I still feel
an unconquerable disgust whenever I pass a gambling…hell； take the
money and go without me。 While our fortune is at stake； I will set my
own affairs straight； and then I will go to your lodgings and wait for
you。'
〃That was the way I went to perdition。 A young man has only to come
across a woman who will not love him； or a woman who loves him too
well； and his whole life becomes a chaos。 Prosperity swallows up our
energy just as adversity obscures our virtues。 Back once more in my
Hotel de Saint…Quentin； I gazed about me a long while in the garret
where I had led my scholar's temperate life； a life which would
perhaps have been a long and honorable one； and that I ought not to
have quitted for the fevered existence which had urged me to the brink
of a precipice。 Pauline surprised me in this dejected attitude。
〃 'Why； what is the matter with you？' she asked。
〃I rose and quietly counted out the money owing to her mother； and
added to it sufficient to pay for six months' rent in advance。 She
watched me in some alarm。
〃 'I am going to leave you； dear Pauline。'
〃 'I knew it！' she exclaimed。
〃 'Listen； my child。 I have not given up the idea of coming back。 Keep
my room for me for six months。 If I do not return by the fifteenth of
November； you will come into possession of my things。 This sealed
packet of manuscript is the fair copy of my great work on 〃The
Will；〃 ' I went on； pointing to a package。 'Will you deposit it in the
King's Library？ And you may do as you wish with everything that is
left here。'
〃Her look weighed heavily on my heart； Pauline was an embodiment of
conscience there before me。
〃 'I shall have no more lessons；' she said； pointing to the piano。
〃I did not answer that。
〃 'Will you write to me？'
〃 'Good…bye； Pauline。'
〃I gently drew her towards me； and set a kiss on that innocent fair
brow of hers； like snow that has not yet touched the eartha father's
or a brother's kiss。 She fled。 I would not see Madame Gaudin； hung my
key in its wonted place； and departed。 I was almost at the end of the
Rue de Cluny when I heard a woman's light footstep behind me。
〃 'I have embroidered this purse for you；' Pauline said； 'will you
refuse even that？'
〃By the light of the street lamp I thought I saw tears in Pauline's
eyes； and I groaned。 Moved perhaps by a common impulse； we parted in
haste like people who fear the contagion of the plague。
〃As I waited with dignified calmness for Rastignac's return； his room
seemed a grotesque interpretation of the sort of life I was about to
enter upon。 The clock on the chimney…piece was surmounted by a Venus
resting on her tortoise； a half…smoked cigar lay in her arms。 Costly
furniture of various kindslove tokens； very likelywas scattered
about。 Old shoes lay on a luxurious sofa。 The comfortable armchair
into which I had thrown myself bore as many scars as a veteran； the
arms were gnashed； the back was overlaid with a thick； stale deposit
of pomade and hair…oil from the heads of all his visitors。 Splendor
and squalor were oddly mingled； on the walls； the bed； and everywhere。
You might have thought of a Neapolitan palace and the groups of
lazzaroni about it。 It was the room of a gambler or a mauvais sujet；
where the luxury exists for one individual； who leads the life of the
senses and does not trouble himself over inconsistencies。
〃There was a certain imaginative element about the picture it
presented。 Life was suddenly revealed there in its rags and spangles
as the incomplete thing it really is； of course； but so vividly and
picturesquely； it was like a den where a brigand has heaped up all the
plunder in which he delights。 Some pages were missing from a copy of
Byron's poems： they had gone to light a fire of a few sticks for this
young person； who played for stakes of a thousand francs； and had not
a faggot； he kept a tilbury； and had not a whole shirt to his back。
Any day a countess or an actress or a run of luck at ecarte might set
him up with an outfit worthy of a king。 A candle had been stuck into
the green bronze sheath of a vestaholder； a woman's portrait lay
yonder； torn out of its carved gold setting。 How was it possible that
a young man； whose nature craved excitement； could renounce a life so
attractive by reason of its contradictions； a life that afforded all
the delights of war in the midst of peace？ I was growing drowsy when
Rastignac kicked the door open and shouted：
〃 'Victory！ Now we can take our time about dying。'
〃He held out his hat filled with gold to me； and put it down on the
table； then we pranced round it like a pair of cannibals about to eat
a victim； we stamped； and danced； and yelled； and sang； we gave each
other blows fit to kill an elephant； at sight of all the pleasures of
the world contained in that hat。
〃 'Twenty…seven thousand francs；' said Rastignac； adding a few bank…
notes to the pile of gold。 'That would be enough for other folk to
live upon； will it be sufficient for us to die on？ Yes！ we will
breathe our last in a bath of goldhurrah！' and we capered afresh。
〃We divided the