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father goriot-第79章

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much? They themselves have been the instruments of vengeance;

they have tortured me for my sin of affection。



〃Ah; well! fathers know no better; I loved them so; I went back

to them as a gambler goes to the gaming table。 This love was my

vice; you see; my mistressthey were everything in the world to

me。 They were always wanting something or other; dresses and

ornaments; and what not; their maids used to tell me what they

wanted; and I used to give them the things for the sake of the

welcome that they bought for me。 But; at the same time; they used

to give me little lectures on my behavior in society; they began

about it at once。 Then they began to feel ashamed of me。 That is

what comes of having your children well brought up。 I could not

go to school again at my time of life。 (This pain is fearful! MON

DIEU! These doctors! these doctors! If they would open my head;

it would give me some relief!) Oh; my daughters; my daughters!

Anastasie! Delphine! If I could only see them! Send for the

police; and make them come to me! Justice is on my side; the

whole world is on my side; I have natural rights; and the law

with me。 I protest! The country will go to ruin if a father's

rights are trampled under foot。 That is easy to see。 The whole

world turns on fatherly love; fatherly love is the foundation of

society; it will crumble into ruin when children do not love

their fathers。 Oh! if I could only see them; and hear them; no

matter what they said; if I could simply hear their voices; it

would soothe the pain。 Delphine! Delphine most of all。 But tell

them when they come not to look so coldly at me as they do。 Oh!

my friend; my good Monsieur Eugene; you do not know that it is

when all the golden light in a glance suddenly turns to a leaden

gray。 It has been one long winter here since the light in their

eyes shone no more for me。 I have had nothing but disappointments

to devour。 Disappointment has been my daily bread; I have lived

on humiliation and insults。 I have swallowed down all the

affronts for which they sold me my poor stealthy little moments

of joy; for I love them so! Think of it! a father hiding himself

to get a glimpse of his children! I have given all my life to

them; and to…day they will not give me one hour! I am hungering

and thirsting for them; my heart is burning in me; but they will

not come to bring relief in the agony; for I am dying now; I feel

that this is death。 Do they not know what it means to trample on

a father's corpse? There is a God in heaven who avenges us

fathers whether we will or no。



〃Oh! they will come! Come to me; darlings; and give me one more

kiss; one last kiss; the Viaticum for your father; who will pray

God for you in heaven。 I will tell Him that you have been good

children to your father; and plead your cause with God! After

all; it is not their fault。 I tell you they are innocent; my

friend。 Tell every one that it is not their fault; and no one

need be distressed on my account。 It is all my own fault; I

taught them to trample upon me。 I loved to have it so。 It is no

one's affair but mine; man's justice and God's justice have

nothing to do in it。 God would be unjust if He condemned them for

anything they may have done to me。 I did not behave to them

properly; I was stupid enough to resign my rights。 I would have

humbled myself in the dust for them。 What could you expect? The

most beautiful nature; the noblest soul; would have been spoiled

by such indulgence。 I am a wretch; I am justly punished。 I; and I

only; am to blame for all their sins; I spoiled them。 To…day they

are as eager for pleasure as they used to be for sugar…plums。

When they were little girls I indulged them in every whim。 They

had a carriage of their own when they were fifteen。 They have

never been crossed。 I am guilty; and not theybut I sinned

through love。



〃My heart would open at the sound of their voices。 I can hear

them; they are coming。 Yes! yes! they are coming。 The law demands

that they should be present at their father's deathbed; the law

is on my side。 It would only cost them the hire of a cab。 I would

pay that。 Write to them; tell them that I have millions to leave

to them! On my word of honor; yes。 I am going to manufacture

Italian paste foods at Odessa。 I understand the trade。 There are

millions to be made in it。 Nobody has thought of the scheme as

yet。 You see; there will be no waste; no damage in transit; as

there always is with wheat and flour。 Hey! hey! and starch too;

there are millions to be made in the starch trade! You will not

be telling a lie。 Millions; tell them; and even if they really

come because they covet the money; I would rather let them

deceive me; and I shall see them in any case。 I want my children!

I gave them life; they are mine; mine!〃 and he sat upright。 The

head thus raised; with its scanty white hair; seemed to Eugene

like a threat; every line that could still speak spoke of menace。



〃There; there; dear father;〃 said Eugene; 〃lie down again; I will

write to them at once。 As soon as Bianchon comes back I will go

for them myself; if they do not come before。〃



〃If they do not come?〃 repeated the old man; sobbing。 〃Why; I

shall be dead before then; I shall die in a fit of rage; of rage!

Anger is getting the better of me。 I can see my whole life at

this minute。 I have been cheated! They do not love methey have

never loved me all their lives! It is all clear to me。 They have

not come; and they will not come。 The longer they put off their

coming; the less they are likely to give me this joy。 I know

them。 They have never cared to guess my disappointments; my

sorrows; my wants; they never cared to know my life; they will

have no presentiment of my death; they do not even know the

secret of my tenderness for them。 Yes; I see it all now。 I have

laid my heart open so often; that they take everything I do for

them as a matter of course。 They might have asked me for the very

eyes out of my head and I would have bidden them to pluck them

out。 They think that all fathers are like theirs。 You should

always make your value felt。 Their own children will avenge me。

Why; for their own sakes they should come to me! Make them

understand that they are laying up retribution for their own

deathbeds。 All crimes are summed up in this one。 。 。 。 Go to

them; just tell them that if they stay away it will be parricide!

There is enough laid to their charge already without adding that

to the list。 Cry aloud as I do now; 'Nasie! Delphine! here! Come

to your father; the father who has been so kind to you is lying

ill!'Not a sound; no one comes! Then am I do die like a dog?

This is to be my rewardI am forsaken at the last。 They are

wicked; heartless women; curses on them; I loathe them。 I shall

rise at night from my grave to curse them again; for; after all;

my friends; have I done wrong? They are behaving very badly to

me; eh? 。 。 。 What am I saying? Did you not tell me just now that

Delph
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