按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
everything I want； or I seem as if I had everything。 Very well；
you must know that M。 de Nucingen does not allow me the control
of a single penny； he pays all the bills for the house expenses；
he pays for my carriages and opera box； he does not give me
enough to pay for my dress； and he reduces me to poverty in
secret on purpose。 I am too proud to beg from him。 I should be
the vilest of women if I could take his money at the price at
which he offers it。 Do you ask how I； with seven hundred thousand
francs of my own； could let myself be robbed？ It is because I was
proud； and scorned to speak。 We are so young； so artless when our
married life begins！ I never could bring myself to ask my husband
for money； the words would have made my lips bleed； I did not
dare to ask； I spent my savings first； and then the money that my
poor father gave me； then I ran into debt。 Marriage for me is a
hideous farce； I cannot talk about it； let it suffice to say that
Nucingen and I have separate rooms； and that I would fling myself
out of the window sooner than consent to any other manner of
life。 I suffered agonies when I had to confess to my girlish
extravagance； my debts for jewelry and trifles （for our poor
father had never refused us anything； and spoiled us）； but at
last I found courage to tell him about them。 After all； I had a
fortune of my own。 Nucingen flew into a rage； he said that I
should be the ruin of him； and used frightful language！ I wished
myself a hundred feet down in the earth。 He had my dowry； so he
paid my debts； but he stipulated at the same time that my
expenses in future must not exceed a certain fixed sum； and I
gave way for the sake of peace。 And then；〃 she went on； 〃I wanted
to gratify the self…love of some one whom you know。 He may have
deceived me； but I should do him the justice to say that there
was nothing petty in his character。 But； after all； he threw me
over disgracefully。 If； at a woman's utmost need； SOMEBODY heaps
gold upon her； he ought never to forsake her； that love should
last for ever！ But you； at one…and…twenty； you； the soul of
honor； with the unsullied conscience of youth； will ask me how a
woman can bring herself to accept money in such a way？ MON DIEU！
is it not natural to share everything with the one to whom we owe
our happiness？ When all has been given； why should we pause and
hesitate over a part？ Money is as nothing between us until the
moment when the sentiment that bound us together ceases to exist。
Were we not bound to each other for life？ Who that believes in
love foresees such an end to love？ You swear to love us
eternally； how； then； can our interests be separate？
〃You do not know how I suffered to…day when Nucingen refused to
give me six thousand francs； he spends as much as that every
month on his mistress； an opera dancer！ I thought of killing
myself。 The wildest thoughts came into my head。 There have been
moments in my life when I have envied my servants； and would have
changed places with my maid。 It was madness to think of going to
our father； Anastasie and I have bled him dry； our poor father
would have sold himself if he could have raised six thousand
francs that way。 I should have driven him frantic to no purpose。
You have saved me from shame and death； I was beside myself with
anguish。 Ah！ monsieur； I owed you this explanation after my mad
ravings。 When you left me just now； as soon as you were out of
sight； I longed to escape； to run away 。 。 。 where； I did not
know。 Half the women in Paris lead such lives as mine； they live
in apparent luxury； and in their souls are tormented by anxiety。
I know of poor creatures even more miserable than I； there are
women who are driven to ask their tradespeople to make out false
bills； women who rob their husbands。 Some men believe that an
Indian shawl worth a thousand louis only cost five hundred
francs； others that a shawl costing five hundred francs is worth
a hundred louis。 There are women； too； with narrow incomes； who
scrape and save and starve their children to pay for a dress。 I
am innocent of these base meannesses。 But this is the last
extremity of my torture。 Some women will sell themselves to their
husbands； and so obtain their way； but I； at any rate； am free。
If I chose； Nucingen would cover me with gold； but I would rather
weep on the breast of a man whom I can respect。 Ah！ tonight； M。
de Marsay will no longer have a right to think of me as a woman
whom he has paid。〃 She tried to conceal her tears from him；
hiding her face in her hands； Eugene drew them away and looked at
her； she seemed to him sublime at that moment。
〃It is hideous； is it not；〃 she cried； 〃to speak in a breath of
money and affection。 You cannot love me after this；〃 she added。
The incongruity between the ideas of honor which make women so
great； and the errors in conduct which are forced upon them by
the constitution of society； had thrown Eugene's thoughts into
confusion； he uttered soothing and consoling words； and wondered
at the beautiful woman before him； and at the artless imprudence
of her cry of pain。
〃You will not remember this against me？〃 she asked； 〃promise me
that you will not。〃
〃Ah！ madame； I am incapable of doing so；〃 he said。 She took his
hand and held it to her heart； a movement full of grace that
expressed her deep gratitude。
〃I am free and happy once more； thanks to you；〃 she said。 〃Oh！ I
have felt lately as if I were in the grasp of an iron hand。 But
after this I mean to live simply and to spend nothing。 You will
think me just as pretty； will you not； my friend？ Keep this；〃 she
went on； as she took only six of the banknotes。 〃In conscience I
owe you a thousand crowns； for I really ought to go halves with
you。〃
Eugene's maiden conscience resisted； but when the Baroness said；
〃I am bound to look on you as an accomplice or as an enemy；〃 he
took the money。
〃It shall be a last stake in reserve；〃 he said； 〃in case of
misfortune。〃
〃That was what I was dreading to hear；〃 she cried； turning pale。
〃Oh； if you would that I should be anything to you； swear to me
that you will never re…enter a gaming…house。 Great Heaven！ that I
should corrupt you！ I should die of sorrow！〃
They had reached the Rue Saint…Lazare by this time。 The contrast
between the ostentation of wealth in the house； and the wretched
condition of its mistress； dazed the student； and Vautrin's
cynical words began to ring in his ears。
〃Seat yourself there；〃 said the Baroness； pointing to a low chair
beside the fire。 〃I have a difficult letter to write；〃 she added。
〃Tell me what to say。〃
〃Say nothing；〃 Eugene answered her。 〃Put the bills in an
envelope； direct it； and send it by your maid。〃
〃Why； you are a love of a man；〃 she said。 〃Ah！ see what it is to
have been well brought up。 That is the Beauseant through and
through；〃 she went on； smiling at him。
〃She is charming；〃 thought Eugene； more and more in