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DR。 DIGGS'S STATEMENT。
My name is David Diggs。 I am a surgeon； living at No。 9 Tottenham
Court。 On the 15th of June； 1854； I was called to see an elderly gentleman
lodging on the Kent Road。 Found him highly excited； with strong febrile
symptoms； pulse 120； increasing。 Repeated incoherently what I judged to
be the popular form of a conundrum。 On closer examination found acute
hydrocephalus and both lobes of the brain rapidly filling with water。 In
consultation with an eminent phrenologist； it was further discovered that
all the organs were more or less obliterated； except that of Comparison。
Hence the patient was enabled to only distinguish the most common points
of resemblance between objects； without drawing upon other faculties；
such as Ideality or Language； for assistance。 Later in the day found him
sinking；being evidently unable to carry the most ordinary conundrum to
a successful issue。 Exhibited Tinct。 Val。； Ext。 Opii； and Camphor； and
prescribed quiet and emollients。 On the 17th the patient was missing。
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CHAPTER VI。
STATEMENT OF THE PUBLISHER。
On the 18th of June； Mr。 Wilkie Collins left a roll of manuscript with
us for publication； without title or direction； since which time he has not
been heard from。 In spite of the care of the proof…readers； and valuable
literary assistance； it is feared that the continuity of the story has been
destroyed by some accidental misplacing of chapters during its progress。
How and what chapters are so misplaced； the publisher leaves to an
indulgent public to discover。
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N N。BEING A NOVEL IN THE
FRENCH PARAGRAPHIC STYLE。
Mademoiselle； I swear to you that I love you。
You who read these pages。 You who turn your burning eyes upon
these wordswords that I trace Ah； Heaven！ the thought maddens me。
I will be calm。 I will imitate the reserve of the festive Englishman；
who wears a spotted handkerchief which he calls a Belchio； who eats
biftek； and caresses a bulldog。 I will subdue myself like him。
Ha！ Poto…beer！ All rightGoddam！
Or； I will conduct myself as the free…born Americanthe gay Brother
Jonathan！ I will whittle me a stick。 I will whistle to myself 〃Yankee
Doodle；〃 and forget my passion in excessive expectoration。 Hoho！wake
snakes and walk chalks。
The world is divided into two great divisions；Paris and the
provinces。 There is but one Paris。 There are several provinces； among
which may be numbered England； America； Russia； and Italy。
N N。 was a Parisian。
But N N。 did not live in Paris。 Drop a Parisian in the provinces； and
you drop a part of Paris with him。 Drop him in Senegambia； and in three
days he will give you an omelette soufflee； or a pate de foie gras； served
by the neatest of Senegambian filles； whom he will call Mademoiselle。 In
three weeks he will give you an opera。
N N。 was not dropped in Senegambia； but in San Francisco；quite as
awkward。
They find gold in San Francisco； but they don't understand gilding。
N N。 existed three years in this place。 He became bald on the top of his
head； as all Parisians do。 Look down from your box at the Opera Comique；
Mademoiselle； and count the bald crowns of the fast young men in the pit。
Ahyou tremble！ They show where the arrows of love have struck and
glanced off。
N N。 was also near…sighted； as all Parisians finally become。 This is a
gallant provision of Nature to spare them the mortification of observing
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that their lady friends grow old。 After a certain age every woman is
handsome to a Parisian。
One day； N N。 was walking down Washington street。 Suddenly he
stopped。
He was standing before the door of a mantuamaker。 Beside the counter；
at the farther extremity of the shop； stood a young and elegantly formed
woman。 Her face was turned from N N。 He entered。 With a plausible
excuse； and seeming indifference； he gracefully opened conversation with
the mantuamaker as only a Parisian can。 But he had to deal with a Parisian。
His attempts to view the features of the fair stranger by the counter were
deftly combated by the shop…woman。 He was obliged to retire。
N N。 went home and lost his appetite。 He was haunted by the elegant
basque and graceful shoulders of the fair unknown； during the whole
night。
The next day he sauntered by the mantuamaker。 Ah！ Heavens！ A thrill
ran through his frame； and his fingers tingled with a delicious electricity。
The fair inconnue was there！ He raised his hat gracefully。 He was not
certain； but he thought that a slight motion of her faultless bonnet betrayed
recognition。 He would have wildly darted into the shop； but just then the
figure of the mantuamaker appeared in the doorway。
Did Monsieur wish anything？
Misfortune！ Desperation。 N N。 purchased a bottle of Prussic acid； a
sack of charcoal； and a quire of pink note…paper； and returned home。 He
wrote a letter of farewell to the closely fitting basque； and opened the
bottle of Prussic acid。
Some one knocked at his door。 It was a Chinaman； with his weekly
linen。
These Chinese are docile； but not intelligent。 They are ingenious； but
not creative。 They are cunning in expedients； but deficient in tact。 In love
they are simply barbarous。 They purchase their wives openly； and not
constructively by attorney。 By offering small sums for their sweethearts；
they degrade the value of the sex。
Nevertheless； N N。 felt he was saved。 He explained all to the faithful
Mongolian； and exhibited the letter he had written。 He implored him to
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deliver it。
The Mongolian assented。 The race are not cleanly or sweet…savored；
but N N。 fell upon his neck。 He embraced him with one hand； and closed
his nostrils with the other。 Through him； he felt he clasped the close…fitting
basque。