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of blood to my uncle； then came the storm I feared at first； for；
starting from my bed…side like a fury； she flew to my sword； and
with much ado I prevented her doing me or herself a mischief。
Having disarmed her； in a gust of passion she left me； and in a
resolution； confirmed by a thousand curses； not to close her eyes
till they had seen my ruin。
CARE。 Exquisite woman！ But what the devil； does she think thou
hast no more sense than to get an heir upon her body to disinherit
thyself？ for as I take it this settlement upon you is； with a
proviso； that your uncle have no children。
MEL。 It is so。 Well； the service you are to do me will be a
pleasure to yourself： I must get you to engage my Lady Plyant all
this evening； that my pious aunt may not work her to her interest。
And if you chance to secure her to yourself； you may incline her to
mine。 She's handsome； and knows it； is very silly； and thinks she
has sense； and has an old fond husband。
CARE。 I confess； a very fair foundation for a lover to build upon。
MEL。 For my Lord Froth； he and his wife will be sufficiently taken
up with admiring one another and Brisk's gallantry； as they call it。
I'll observe my uncle myself； and Jack Maskwell has promised me to
watch my aunt narrowly； and give me notice upon any suspicion。 As
for Sir Paul； my wise father…in…law that is to be； my dear Cynthia
has such a share in his fatherly fondness； he would scarce make her
a moment uneasy to have her happy hereafter。
CARE。 So you have manned your works； but I wish you may not have
the weakest guard where the enemy is strongest。
MEL。 Maskwell； you mean； prithee why should you suspect him？
CARE。 Faith I cannot help it； you know I never liked him： I am a
little superstitious in physiognomy。
MEL。 He has obligations of gratitude to bind him to me： his
dependence upon my uncle is through my means。
CARE。 Upon your aunt； you mean。
MEL。 My aunt！
CARE。 I'm mistaken if there be not a familiarity between them you
do not suspect； notwithstanding her passion for you。
MEL。 Pooh； pooh！ nothing in the world but his design to do me
service； and he endeavours to be well in her esteem； that he may be
able to effect it。
CARE。 Well； I shall be glad to be mistaken； but your aunt's
aversion in her revenge cannot be any way so effectually shown as in
bringing forth a child to disinherit you。 She is handsome and
cunning and naturally wanton。 Maskwell is flesh and blood at best；
and opportunities between them are frequent。 His affection to you；
you have confessed； is grounded upon his interest； that you have
transplanted； and should it take root in my lady； I don't see what
you can expect from the fruit。
MEL。 I confess the consequence is visible； were your suspicions
just。 But see； the company is broke up； let's meet 'em。
SCENE IV。
＇To them＇ LORD TOUCHWOOD； LORD FROTH； SIR PAUL PLYANT； and BRISK。
LORD TOUCH。 Out upon't； nephew。 Leave your father…in…law and me to
maintain our ground against young people！
MEL。 I beg your lordship's pardon。 We were just returning。
SIR PAUL。 Were you； son？ Gadsbud； much better as it is。 Good；
strange！ I swear I'm almost tipsy； t'other bottle would have been
too powerful for me；as sure as can be it would。 We wanted your
company； but Mr。 Briskwhere is he？ I swear and vow he's a most
facetious person； and the best company。 And； my Lord Froth； your
lordship is so merry a man； he； he； he。
LORD FROTH。 Oh； foy； Sir Paul； what do you mean？ Merry！ Oh；
barbarous！ I'd as lieve you called me fool。
SIR PAUL。 Nay； I protest and vow now； 'tis true； when Mr。 Brisk
jokes； your lordship's laugh does so become you； he； he； he。
LORD FROTH。 Ridiculous！ Sir Paul； you're strangely mistaken； I
find champagne is powerful。 I assure you； Sir Paul； I laugh at
nobody's jest but my own； or a lady's； I assure you； Sir Paul。
BRISK。 How？ how； my lord？ what； affront my wit！ Let me perish； do
I never say anything worthy to be laughed at？
LORD FROTH。 Oh； foy； don't misapprehend me； I don't say so； for I
often smile at your conceptions。 But there is nothing more
unbecoming a man of quality than to laugh； 'tis such a vulgar
expression of the passion； everybody can laugh。 Then especially to
laugh at the jest of an inferior person； or when anybody else of the
same quality does not laugh with oneridiculous！ To be pleased
with what pleases the crowd！ Now when I laugh； I always laugh
alone。
BRISK。 I suppose that's because you laugh at your own jests； i'gad；
ha； ha； ha。
LORD FROTH。 He； he； I swear though； your raillery provokes me to a
smile。
BRISK。 Ay； my lord； it's a sign I hit you in the teeth； if you show
'em。
LORD FROTH。 He； he； he； I swear that's so very pretty； I can't
forbear。
CARE。 I find a quibble bears more sway in your lordship's face than
a jest。
LORD TOUCH。 Sir Paul； if you please we'll retire to the ladies； and
drink a dish of tea to settle our heads。
SIR PAUL。 With all my heart。 Mr。 Brisk； you'll come to us； or call
me when you joke； I'll be ready to laugh incontinently。
SCENE V。
MELLEFONT； CARELESS； LORD FROTH； BRISK。
MEL。 But does your lordship never see comedies？
LORD FROTH。 Oh yes； sometimes； but I never laugh。
MEL。 No？
LORD FROTH。 Oh no； never laugh indeed； sir。
CARE。 No！ why； what d'ye go there for？
LORD FROTH。 To distinguish myself from the commonalty and mortify
the poets； the fellows grow so conceited； when any of their foolish
wit prevails upon the side…boxes。 I swear；he； he； he； I have
often constrained my inclinations to laugh；he； he； he； to avoid
giving them encouragement。
MEL。 You are cruel to yourself； my lord； as well as malicious to
them。
LORD FROTH。 I confess I did myself some violence at first； but now
I think I have conquered it。
BRISK。 Let me perish； my lord； but there is something very
particular in the humour； 'tis true it makes against wit； and I'm
sorry for some friends of mine that write； but； i'gad； I love to be
malicious。 Nay； deuce take me； there's wit in't； too。 And wit must
be foiled by wit； cut a diamond with a diamond； no other way； i'gad。
LORD FROTH。 Oh； I thought you would not be long before you found
out the wit。
CARE。 Wit！ In what？ Where the devil's the wit in not laughing
when a man has a mind to't？
BRISK。 O Lord； why can't you find it out？ Why； there 'tis； in the
not laughing。 Don't you apprehend me？ My lord； Careless is a very
honest fellow； but harkee； you understand me； somewhat heavy； a
little shallow； or so。 Why； I'll tell you now； suppose now you come
up to menay； prithee； Careless； be instructed。 Suppose； as I was
saying； you come up to me holding your sides； and laughing as if you
wouldwellI look grave； and ask the cause of this immoderate
mirth。 Y