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MEN。
MASKWELL； a villain； pretended friend to Mellefont； gallant to Lady
Touchwood； and in love with Cynthia；Mr。 Betterton
LORD TOUCHWOOD； uncle to Mellefont；Mr。 Kynaston
MELLEFONT； promised to； and in love with Cynthia；Mr。 Williams
CARELESS； his friend；Mr。 Verbruggen
LORD FROTH； a solemn coxcomb；Mr。 Bowman
BRISK； a pert coxcomb；Mr。 Powell
SIR PAUL PLYANT； an uxorious； foolish old knight； brother to Lady
Touchwood； and father to Cynthia；Mr。 Dogget
WOMEN。
LADY TOUCHWOOD； in love with Mellefont；Mrs。 Barry
CYNTHIA； daughter to Sir Paul by a former wife； promised to
Mellefont；Mrs。 Bracegirdle
LADY FROTH； a great coquette； pretender to poetry； wit； and
learning；Mrs。 Mountfort
LADY PLYANT； insolent to her husband； and easy to any pretender；
Mrs。 Leigh
CHAPLAIN； BOY； FOOTMEN； AND ATTENDANTS。
THE SCENE： A gallery in the Lord Touchwood's house； with chambers
adjoining。
THE DOUBLE…DEALERACT I。SCENE I。
A gallery in the Lord Touchwood's home； with chambers adjoining。
Enter CARELESS； crossing the stage； with his hat； gloves； and sword
in his hands； as just risen from table： MELLEFONT following him。
MEL。 Ned； Ned； whither so fast？ What； turned flincher！ Why； you
wo' not leave us？
CARE。 Where are the women？ I'm weary of guzzling； and begin to
think them the better company。
MEL。 Then thy reason staggers； and thou'rt almost drunk。
CARE。 No； faith； but your fools grow noisy； and if a man must
endure the noise of words without sense； I think the women have more
musical voices； and become nonsense better。
MEL。 Why； they are at the end of the gallery； retired to their tea
and scandal； according to their ancient custom； after dinner。 But I
made a pretence to follow you； because I had something to say to you
in private； and I am not like to have many opportunities this
evening。
CARE。 And here's this coxcomb most critically come to interrupt
you。
SCENE II。
＇To them＇ BRISK。
BRISK。 Boys； boys； lads； where are you？ What； do you give ground？
Mortgage for a bottle； ha？ Careless； this is your trick； you're
always spoiling company by leaving it。
CARE。 And thou art always spoiling company by coming in o't。
BRISK。 Pooh； ha； ha； ha； I know you envy me。 Spite； proud spite；
by the gods！ and burning envy。 I'll be judged by Mellefont here；
who gives and takes raillery better than you or I。 Pshaw； man； when
I say you spoil company by leaving it； I mean you leave nobody for
the company to laugh at。 I think there I was with you。 Ha；
Mellefont？
MEL。 O' my word； Brisk； that was a home thrust； you have silenced
him。
BRISK。 Oh； my dear Mellefont； let me perish if thou art not the
soul of conversation； the very essence of wit and spirit of wine。
The deuce take me if there were three good things said； or one
understood； since thy amputation from the body of our society。 He；
I think that's pretty and metaphorical enough； i'gad I could not
have said it out of thy company。 Careless； ha？
CARE。 Hum； ay； what is't？
BRISK。 O MON COEUR！ What is't！ Nay； gad； I'll punish you for want
of apprehension。 The deuce take me if I tell you。
MEL。 No； no； hang him； he has no taste。 But； dear Brisk； excuse
me； I have a little business。
CARE。 Prithee get thee gone； thou seest we are serious。
MEL。 We'll come immediately； if you'll but go in and keep up good
humour and sense in the company。 Prithee do； they'll fall asleep
else。
BRISK。 I'gad； so they will。 Well； I will； I will； gad； you shall
command me from the Zenith to the Nadir。 But the deuce take me if I
say a good thing till you come。 But prithee； dear rogue； make
haste； prithee make haste； I shall burst else。 And yonder your
uncle； my Lord Touchwood； swears he'll disinherit you； and Sir Paul
Plyant threatens to disclaim you for a son…in…law； and my Lord Froth
won't dance at your wedding to…morrow； nor； the deuce take me； I
won't write your Epithalamiumand see what a condition you're like
to be brought to。
MEL。 Well； I'll speak but three words； and follow you。
BRISK。 Enough； enough。 Careless； bring your apprehension along
with you。
SCENE III。
MELLEFONT； CARELESS。
CARE。 Pert coxcomb。
MEL。 Faith； 'tis a good…natured coxcomb； and has very entertaining
follies。 You must be more humane to him； at this juncture it will
do me service。 I'll tell you； I would have mirth continued this day
at any rate； though patience purchase folly； and attention be paid
with noise； there are times when sense may be unseasonable as well
as truth。 Prithee do thou wear none to…day； but allow Brisk to have
wit； that thou may'st seem a fool。
CARE。 Why； how now； why this extravagant proposition？
MEL。 Oh； I would have no room for serious design； for I am jealous
of a plot。 I would have noise and impertinence keep my Lady
Touchwood's head from working： for hell is not more busy than her
brain； nor contains more devils than that imaginations。
CARE。 I thought your fear of her had been over。 Is not to…morrow
appointed for your marriage with Cynthia； and her father； Sir Paul
Plyant； come to settle the writings this day on purpose？
MEL。 True； but you shall judge whether I have not reason to be
alarmed。 None besides you and Maskwell are acquainted with the
secret of my Aunt Touchwood's violent passion for me。 Since my
first refusal of her addresses she has endeavoured to do me all ill
offices with my uncle； yet has managed 'em with that subtilty； that
to him they have borne the face of kindness； while her malice； like
a dark lanthorn； only shone upon me where it was directed。 Still；
it gave me less perplexity to prevent the success of her displeasure
than to avoid the importunities of her love； and of two evils I
thought myself favoured in her aversion。 But whether urged by her
despair and the short prospect of time she saw to accomplish her
designs； whether the hopes of revenge； or of her love； terminated in
the view of this my marriage with Cynthia； I know not； but this
morning she surprised me in my bed。
CARE。 Was there ever such a fury！ 'Tis well nature has not put it
into her sex's power to ravish。 Well； bless us； proceed。 What
followed？
MEL。 What at first amazed mefor I looked to have seen her in all
the transports of a slighted and revengeful womanbut when I
expected thunder from her voice； and lightning in her eyes； I saw
her melted into tears and hushed into a sigh。 It was long before
either of us spoke： passion had tied her tongue； and amazement
mine。 In short； the consequence was thus； she omitted nothing that
the most violent love could urge； or tender words express； which
when she saw had no effect； but still I pleaded honour and nearness
of blood to my uncle； then came the storm I feared at fi