按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
The Dog and His Reflection
A STATE Official carrying off the Dome of the Capitol met the Ghost
of his predecessor； who had come out of his political grave to warn
him that God saw him。 As the place of meeting was lonely and the
time midnight； the State Official set down the Dome of the Capitol；
and commanded the supposed traveller to throw up his hands。 The
Ghost replied that he had not eaten them； and while he was
explaining the situation another State Official silently added the
dome to his own collection。
The Lion； the Bear； and the Fox
Two Thieves having stolen a Piano and being unable to divide it
fairly without a remainder went to law about it and continued the
contest as long as either one could steal a dollar to bribe the
judge。 When they could give no more an Honest Man came along and
by a single small payment obtained a judgment and took the Piano
home； where his daughter used it to develop her biceps muscles；
becoming a famous pugiliste。
The Ass and the Lion's Skin
A MEMBER of the State Militia stood at a street corner； scowling
stormily； and the people passing that way went a long way around
him； thinking of the horrors of war。 But presently； in order to
terrify them still more； he strode toward them； when； his sword
entangling his legs； he fell upon the field of glory； and the
people passed over him singing their sweetest songs。
The Ass and the Grasshoppers
A STATESMAN heard some Labourers singing at their work； and wishing
to be happy too； asked them what made them so。
〃Honesty；〃 replied the Labourers。
So the Statesman resolved that he too would be honest； and the
result was that he died of want。
The Wolf and the Lion
AN Indian who had been driven out of a fertile valley by a White
Settler； said：
〃Now that you have robbed me of my land； there is nothing for me to
do but issue invitations to a war…dance。〃
〃I don't so much mind your dancing；〃 said the White Settler；
putting a fresh cartridge into his rifle； 〃but if you attempt to
make me dance you will become a good Indian lamented by all who
didn't know you。 How did YOU get this land； anyhow？〃
The Indian's claim was compromised for a plug hat and a tin horn。
The Hare and the Tortoise
OF two Writers one was brilliant but indolent； the other though
dull； industrious。 They set out for the goal of fame with equal
opportunities。 Before they died the brilliant one was detected in
seventy languages as the author of but two or three books of
fiction and poetry； while the other was honoured in the Bureau of
Statistics of his native land as the compiler of sixteen volumes of
tabulated information relating to the domestic hog。
The Milkmaid and Her Bucket
A SENATOR fell to musing as follows： 〃With the money which I shall
get for my vote in favour of the bill to subsidise cat…ranches； I
can buy a kit of burglar's tools and open a bank。 The profit of
that enterprise will enable me to obtain a long； low； black
schooner； raise a death's…head flag and engage in commerce on the
high seas。 From my gains in that business I can pay for the
Presidency； which at 50；000 a year will give me in four years … 〃
but it took him so long to make the calculation that the bill to
subsidise cat…ranches passed without his vote； and he was compelled
to return to his constituents an honest man； tormented with a clean
conscience。
King Log and King Stork
THE People being dissatisfied with a Democratic Legislature； which
stole no more than they had； elected a Republican one； which not
only stole all they had but exacted a promissory note for the
balance due； secured by a mortgage upon their hope of death。
The Wolf Who Would Be a Lion
A FOOLISH Fellow who had been told that he was a great man believed
it； and got himself appointed a Commissioner to the Interasylum
Exposition of Preserved Idiots。 At the first meeting of the Board
he was mistaken for one of the exhibits； and the janitor was
ordered to remove him to his appropriate glass case。
〃Alas！〃 he exclaimed as he was carried out； 〃why was I not content
to remain where the cut of my forehead is so common as to be known
as the Pacific Slope？〃
The Monkey and the Nuts
A CERTAIN City desiring to purchase a site for a public Deformatory
procured an appropriation from the Government of the country。
Deeming this insufficient for purchase of the site and payment of
reasonable commissions to themselves； the men in charge of the
matter asked for a larger sum； which was readily given。 Believing
that the fountain could not be dipped dry； they applied for still
more and more yet。 Wearied at last by their importunities； the
Government said it would be damned if it gave anything。 So it gave
nothing and was damned all the harder。
The Boys and the Frogs
SOME editors of newspapers were engaged in diffusing general
intelligence and elevating the moral sentiment of the public。 They
had been doing this for some time； when an Eminent Statesman stuck
his head out of the pool of politics； and； speaking for the members
of his profession； said：
〃My friends； I beg you will desist。 I know you make a great deal
of money by this kind of thing； but consider the damage you inflict
upon the business of others！〃
End