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SOME Holy Missionaries in China having been deprived of life by the
Bigoted Heathens； the Christian Press made a note of it； and was
greatly pained to point out the contrast between the Bigoted
Heathens and the law…abiding countrymen of the Holy Missionaries
who had wickedly been sent to eternal bliss。
〃Yes；〃 assented a Miserable Sinner； as he finished reading the
articles； 〃the Heathens of Ying Shing are deceitful above all
things and desperately wicked。 By the way；〃 he added； turning over
the paper to read the entertaining and instructive Fables； 〃I know
the Heathenese lingo。 Ying Shing means Rock Creek； it is in the
Province of Wyo Ming。〃
A Ship and a Man
SEEING a ship sailing by upon the sea of politics； an Ambitious
Person started in hot pursuit along the strand； but the people's
eyes being fixed upon the Presidency no one observed the pursuer。
This greatly annoyed him； and recollecting that he was not aquatic；
he stopped and shouted across the waves' tumultous roar：
〃Take my name off the passenger list。〃
Back to him over the waters； hollow and heartless； like laughter in
a tomb； rang the voice of the Skipper：
〃'T ain't on！〃
And there； in the focus of a million pairs of convergent eyes； the
Ambitious Person sat him down between the sun and moon and murmured
sadly to his own soul：
〃Marooned； by thunder！〃
Congress and the People
SUCCESSIVE Congresses having greatly impoverished the People； they
were discouraged and wept copiously。
〃Why do you weep？〃 inquired an Angel who had perched upon a fence
near by。
〃They have taken all we have；〃 replied the People … 〃excepting；〃
they added； noting the suggestive visitant … 〃excepting our hope in
heaven。 Thank God； they cannot deprive us of that！〃
But at last came the Congress of 1889。
The Justice and His Accuser
AN eminent Justice of the Supreme Court of Patagascar was accused
of having obtained his appointment by fraud。
〃You wander；〃 he said to the Accuser； 〃it is of little importance
how I obtained my power； it is only important how I have used it。〃
〃I confess；〃 said the Accuser； 〃that in comparison with the
rascally way in which you have conducted yourself on the Bench； the
rascally way in which you got there does seem rather a trifle。〃
The Highwayman and the Traveller
A HIGHWAYMAN confronted a Traveller； and covering him with a
firearm； shouted： 〃Your money or your life！〃
〃My good friend；〃 said the Traveller； 〃according to the terms of
your demand my money will save my life； my life my money； you imply
you will take one or the other； but not both。 If that is what you
mean； please be good enough to take my life。〃
〃That is not what I mean；〃 said the Highwayman； 〃you cannot save
your money by giving up your life。〃
〃Then take it； anyhow；〃 the Traveller said。 〃If it will not save
my money； it is good for nothing。〃
The Highwayman was so pleased with the Traveller's philosophy and
wit that he took him into partnership； and this splendid
combination of talent started a newspaper。
The Policeman and the Citizen
A POLICEMAN； finding a man that had fallen in a fit； said； 〃This
man is drunk；〃 and began beating him on the head with his club。 A
passing Citizen said：
〃Why do you murder a man that is already harmless？〃
Thereupon the Policeman left the man in a fit and attacked the
Citizen； who； after receiving several severe contusions； ran away。
〃Alas；〃 said the Policeman； 〃why did I not attack the sober one
before exhausting myself upon the other？〃
Thenceforward he pursued that plan； and by zeal and diligence rose
to be Chief； and sobriety is unknown in the region subject to his
sway。
The Writer and the Tramps
AN Ambitious Writer； distinguished for the condition of his linen；
was travelling the high road to fame； when he met a Tramp。
〃What is the matter with your shirt？〃 inquired the Tramp。
〃It bears the marks of that superb unconcern which is the
characteristic of genius；〃 replied the Ambitious Writer；
contemptuously passing him by。
Resting by the wayside a little later； the Tramp carved upon the
smooth bark of a birch…tree the words； 〃John Gump； Champion
Genius。〃
Two Politicians
Two Politicians were exchanging ideas regarding the rewards for
public service。
〃The reward which I most desire；〃 said the First Politician； 〃is
the gratitude of my fellow…citizens。〃
〃That would be very gratifying； no doubt；〃 said the Second
Politician； 〃but； alas！ in order to obtain it one has to retire
from politics。〃
For an instant they gazed upon each other with inexpressible
tenderness； then the First Politician murmured； 〃God's will be
done！ Since we cannot hope for reward； let us be content with what
we have。〃
And lifting their right hands from the public treasury they swore
to be content。
The Fugitive Office
A TRAVELLER arriving at the capitol of the nation saw a vast plain
outside the wall； filled with struggling and shouting men。 While
he looked upon the alarming spectacle an Office broke away from the
Throng and took shelter in a tomb close to where he stood； the
crowd being too intent upon hammering one another to observe that
the cause of their contention had departed。
〃Poor bruised and bleeding creature；〃 said the compassionate
Traveller； 〃what misfortune caused you to be so far away from the
source of power？〃
〃I 'sought the man；'〃 said the Office。
The Tyrant Frog
A SNAKE swallowing a frog head…first was approached by a Naturalist
with a stick。
〃Ah； my deliverer；〃 said the Snake as well as he could； 〃you have
arrived just in time； this reptile； you see； is pitching into me
without provocation。〃
〃Sir；〃 replied the Naturalist； 〃I need a snakeskin for my
collection； but if you had not explained I should not have
interrupted you； for I thought you were at dinner。〃
The Eligible Son…in…Law
A TRULY Pious Person who conducted a savings bank and lent money to
his sisters and his cousins and his aunts of both sexes； was
approached by a Tatterdemalion； who applied for a loan of one
hundred thousand dollars。
〃What security have you to offer？〃 asked the Truly Pious Person。
〃The best in the world；〃 the applic