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the man who had accumulated five million pieces of gold and was
after more。〃
The King drew his consoler…under…disappointment； and； flicking off
Camaraladdin's head； said：
〃Learn； caitiff； the expediency of uncalculating zeal。 If the
millionaire had been let alone he would have devoured the tiger。〃
A Transposition
TRAVELLING through the sage…brush country a Jackass met a rabbit；
who exclaimed in great astonishment：
〃Good heavens！ how did you grow so big？ You are doubtless the
largest rabbit living。〃
〃No；〃 said the Jackass； 〃you are the smallest donkey。〃
After a good deal of fruitless argument the question was referred
for decision to a passing Coyote； who was a bit of a demagogue and
desirous to stand well with both。
〃Gentlemen；〃 said he； 〃you are both right； as was to have been
expected by persons so gifted with appliances for receiving
instruction from the wise。 You； sir；〃 … turning to the superior
animal … 〃are； as he has accurately observed； a rabbit。 And you〃 …
to the other … 〃are correctly described as a jackass。 In
transposing your names man has acted with incredible folly。〃
They were so pleased with the decision that they declared the
Coyote their candidate for the Grizzly Bearship； but whether he
ever obtained the office history does not relate。
The Honest Citizen
A POLITICAL Preferment； labelled with its price； was canvassing the
State to find a purchaser。 One day it offered itself to a Truly
Good Man； who； after examining the label and finding the price was
exactly twice as great as he was willing to pay； spurned the
Political Preferment from his door。 Then the People said： 〃Behold；
this is an honest citizen！〃 And the Truly Good Man humbly
confessed that it was so。
A Creaking Tail
AN American Statesman who had twisted the tail of the British Lion
until his arms ached was at last rewarded by a sharp； rasping
sound。
〃I knew your fortitude would give out after a while；〃 said the
American Statesman； delighted； 〃your agony attests my political
power。〃
〃Agony I know not！〃 said the British Lion； yawning； 〃the swivel in
my tail needs a few drops of oil； that is all。〃
Wasted Sweets
A CANDIDATE canvassing his district met a Nurse wheeling a Baby in
a carriage； and； stooping； imprinted a kiss upon the Baby's clammy
muzzle。 Rising； he saw a Man； who laughed。
〃Why do you laugh？〃 asked the Candidate。
〃Because；〃 replied the Man； 〃the Baby belongs to the Orphan
Asylum。〃
〃But the Nurse；〃 said the Candidate … 〃the Nurse will surely relate
the touching incident wherever she goes； and perhaps write to her
former master。〃
〃The Nurse；〃 said the Man who had laughed； 〃is an inmate of the
Institution for the Illiterate…Deaf…and…Dumb。〃
Six and One
THE Committee on Gerrymander worked late； drawing intricate lines
on a map of the State； and being weary sought repose in a game of
poker。 At the close of the game the six Republican members were
bankrupt and the single Democrat had all the money。 On the next
day； when the Committee was called to order for business； one of
the luckless six mounted his legs； and said：
〃Mr。 Chairman； before we bend to our noble task of purifying
politics； in the interest of good government I wish to say a word
of the untoward events of last evening。 If my memory serves me the
disasters which overtook the Majority of this honourable body
always befell when it was the Minority's deal。 It is my solemn
conviction； Mr。 Chairman； and to its affirmation I pledge my life；
my fortune； and my sacred honour； that that wicked and unscrupulous
Minority redistricted the cards！〃
The Sportsman and the Squirrel
A SPORTSMAN who had wounded a Squirrel； which was making desperate
efforts to drag itself away； ran after it with a stick； exclaiming：
〃Poor thing！ I will put it out of its misery。〃
At that moment the Squirrels stopped from exhaustion； and looking
up at its enemy； said：
〃I don't venture to doubt the sincerity of your compassion； though
it comes rather late； but you seem to lack the faculty of
observation。 Do you not perceive by my actions that the dearest
wish of my heart is to continue in my misery？〃
At this exposure of his hypocrisy； the Sportsman was so overcome
with shame and remorse that he would not strike the Squirrel； but
pointing it out to his dog； walked thoughtfully away。
The Fogy and the Sheik
A FOGY who lived in a cave near a great caravan route returned to
his home one day and saw； near by； a great concourse of men and
animals； and in their midst a tower； at the foot of which something
with wheels smoked and panted like an exhausted horse。 He sought
the Sheik of the Outfit。
〃What sin art thou committing now； O son of a Christian dog？〃 said
the Fogy； with a truly Oriental politeness。
〃Boring for water； you black…and…tan galoot！〃 replied the Sheik of
the Outfit； with that ready repartee which distinguishes the
Unbeliever。
〃Knowest thou not； thou whelp of darkness and father of disordered
livers；〃 cried the Fogy； 〃that water will cause grass to spring up
here； and trees； and possibly even flowers？ Knowest thou not； that
thou art； in truth； producing an oasis？〃
〃And don't you know；〃 said the Sheik of the Outfit； 〃that caravans
will then stop here for rest and refreshments； giving you a chance
to steal the camels； the horses； and the goods？〃
〃May the wild hog defile my grave； but thou speakest wisdom！〃 the
Fogy replied； with the dignity of his race； extending his hand。
〃Sheik。〃
They shook。
At Heaven's Gate
HAVING arisen from the tomb； a Woman presented herself at the gate
of Heaven； and knocked with a trembling hand。
〃Madam；〃 said Saint Peter； rising and approaching the wicket；
〃whence do you come？〃
〃From San Francisco；〃 replied the Woman； with embarrassment； as
great beads of perspiration spangled her spiritual brow。
〃Never mind； my good girl；〃 the Saint said； compassionately。
〃Eternity is a long time； you can live that down。〃
〃But that； if you please； is not all。〃 The Woman was growing more
and more confused。 〃I poisoned my husband。 I chopped up my
babies。 I … 〃
〃Ah；〃 said the Saint； with sudden austerity； 〃your confession
suggests a very grave possibility。 Were you a member of the
Women's Press A