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exclaimed another wag； to the inexpressible alarm of
the ladies； and the great anger of Mr。 Osborne。
〃For Heaven's sake； Jos； let us get up and go；〃 cried
that gentleman； and the young women rose。
〃Stop； my dearest diddle…diddle…darling；〃 shouted Jos；
now as bold as a lion； and clasping Miss Rebecca round
the waist。 Rebecca started； but she could not get away her
hand。 The laughter outside redoubled。 Jos continued to
drink； to make love； and to sing； and； winking and waving
his glass gracefully to his audience； challenged all or any
to come in and take a share of his punch。
Mr。 Osborne was just on the point of knocking down a
gentleman in top…boots； who proposed to take advantage
of this invitation； and a commotion seemed to be
inevitable； when by the greatest good luck a gentleman
of the name of Dobbin； who had been walking about the
gardens； stepped up to the box。 〃Be off； you fools！〃 said
this gentlemanshouldering off a great number of the crowd；
who vanished presently before his cocked hat and fierce
appearanceand he entered the box in a most agitated state。
〃Good Heavens！ Dobbin； where have you been？〃 0sborne
said； seizing the white cashmere shawl from his
friend's arm； and huddling up Amelia in it。〃Make
yourself useful； and take charge of Jos here； whilst I
take the ladies to the carriage。〃
Jos was for rising to interferebut a single push from
Osborne's finger sent him puffing back into his seat again；
and the lieutenant was enabled to remove the ladies in
safety。 Jos kissed his hand to them as they retreated； and
hiccupped out 〃Bless you！ Bless you！〃 Then； seizing
Captain Dobbin's hand； and weeping in the most pitiful way；
he confided to that gentleman the secret of his loves。 He
adored that girl who had just gone out； he had broken
her heart； he knew he had； by his conduct； he would marry
her next morning at St。 George's； Hanover Square； he'd
knock up the Archbishop of Canterbury at Lambeth： he
would； by Jove！ and have him in readiness； and； acting on
this hint； Captain Dobbin shrewdly induced him to leave
the gardens and hasten to Lambeth Palace； and； when once
out of the gates； easily conveyed Mr。 Jos Sedley into a
hackney…coach； which deposited him safely at his lodgings。
George Osborne conducted the girls home in safety：
and when the door was closed upon them； and as he
walked across Russell Square； laughed so as to astonish
the watchman。 Amelia looked very ruefully at her friend；
as they went up stairs； and kissed her； and went to bed
without any more talking。
〃He must propose to…morrow；〃 thought Rebecca。 〃He
called me his soul's darling； four times； he squeezed my
hand in Amelia's presence。 He must propose to…morrow。〃
And so thought Amelia； too。 And I dare say she thought
of the dress she was to wear as bridesmaid； and of the
presents which she should make to her nice little sister…in…
law； and of a subsequent ceremony in which she herself
might play a principal part； &c。； and &c。； and &c。； and &c。
Oh； ignorant young creatures！ How little do you know
the effect of rack punch！ What is the rack in the punch；
at night； to the rack in the head of a morning？ To this
truth I can vouch as a man； there is no headache in the
world like that caused by Vauxhall punch。 Through the
lapse of twenty years； I can remember the consequence
of two glasses！ two wine…glasses！ but two； upon the
honour of a gentleman； and Joseph Sedley； who had a
liver complaint； had swallowed at least a quart of the
abominable mixture。
That next morning； which Rebecca thought was to
dawn upon her fortune； found Sedley groaning in agonies
which the pen refuses to describe。 Soda…water was not
invented yet。 Small beerwill it be believed！was the
only drink with which unhappy gentlemen soothed the
fever of their previous night's potation。 With this mild
beverage before him； George Osborne found the ex…
Collector of Boggley Wollah groaning on the sofa at
his lodgings。 Dobbin was already in the room； good…
naturedly tending his patient of the night before。 The two
officers； looking at the prostrate Bacchanalian； and
askance at each other； exchanged the most frightful
sympathetic grins。 Even Sedley's valet； the most solemn
and correct of gentlemen； with the muteness and gravity of
an undertaker； could hardly keep his countenance in
order； as he looked at his unfortunate master。
〃Mr。 Sedley was uncommon wild last night； sir；〃 he
whispered in confidence to Osborne； as the latter mounted
the stair。 〃He wanted to fight the 'ackney…coachman； sir。
The Capting was obliged to bring him upstairs in his
harms like a babby。〃 A momentary smile flickered over
Mr。 Brush's features as he spoke； instantly； however； they
relapsed into their usual unfathomable calm； as he flung
open the drawing…room door； and announced 〃Mr。
Hosbin。〃
〃How are you； Sedley？〃 that young wag began； after
surveying his victim。 〃No bones broke？ There's a
hackney…coachman downstairs with a black eye； and a
tied…up head； vowing he'll have the law of you。〃
〃What do you meanlaw？〃 Sedley faintly asked。
〃For thrashing him last nightdidn't he； Dobbin？ You
hit out； sir； like Molyneux。 The watchman says he never
saw a fellow go down so straight。 Ask Dobbin。〃
〃You DID have a round with the coachman；〃 Captain
Dobbin said； 〃and showed plenty of fight too。〃
〃And that fellow with the white coat at Vauxhall！ How
Jos drove at him！ How the women screamed！ By Jove；
sir； it did my heart good to see you。 I thought you civilians
had no pluck； but I'll never get in your way when you
are in your cups； Jos。〃
〃I believe I'm very terrible； when I'm roused；〃
ejaculated Jos from the sofa； and made a grimace so
dreary and ludicrous； that the Captain's politeness could
restrain him no longer； and he and Osborne fired off a
ringing volley of laughter。
Osborne pursued his advantage pitilessly。 He thought
Jos a milksop。 He had been revolving in his mind the
marriage question pending between Jos and Rebecca； and
was not over well pleased that a member of a family into
which he； George Osborne； of the th； was going
to marry； should make a mesalliance with a little nobody
a little upstart governess。 〃You hit； you poor old
fellow！〃 said Osborne。 〃You terrible！ Why； man； you
couldn't standyou made everybody laugh in the
Gardens； though you were crying yourself。 You were
maudlin； Jos。 Don't you remember singing a song？〃
〃A what？〃 Jos asked。
〃A sentimental song； and calling Rosa； Rebecca； what's
her name； Amelia's little friendyour dearest diddle…
diddle…darling？〃 And this ruthless young fellow； seizing
hold of Dobbin's hand； acted over the scene； to the horror
of the original performer； and in spite of Dobbin's good…
natured entreaties to him to have mercy。
〃Why should I spare him？〃 Osborne said to his friend's
remonstrances； when they quitted the invalid； leaving him
under the hands of Doctor Gollop。 〃What the deuce right
has he to give himself his patronizing airs； and make fools
of us at Vauxhall？ Who's this little schoolgirl that is
ogling and making love to him？ Hang it； the family's
low enough already； without HER。 A governess is all very
well； but I'd rather have a lady for