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should have no other thought than that of returning without delay。 In
spite of the disappointment induced by such orders； I felt flattered
nevertheless at having become so necessary to the great man who had
deigned to admit me into his service； and at once bade adieu to my
family。 His Majesty had hardly reached Boulogne； when he set out again
immediately on a tour of several days in the departments of the north。
I was at Boulogne before his return； and had organized his Majesty's
service so that he found everything ready on his arrival； but this did
not prevent his saying to me that I had been absent a long time。
While I am on this subject； I will narrate here； although some years in
advance； one or two circumstances which will give the reader a better
idea of the rigorous confinement to which I was subjected。 I had
contracted； in consequence of the fatigues of my continual journeyings in
the suite of the Emperor； a disease of the bladder； from which I suffered
horribly。 For a long time I combated the disease with patience and
dieting； but at last； the pain having become entirely unbearable； in 1808
I requested of his Majesty a month's leave of absence in order to be
cured； Dr。 Boyer having told me that a month was the shortest time
absolutely necessary for my restoration； and that without it my disease
would become incurable。 I went to Saint…Cloud to visit my wife's family；
where Yvan； surgeon of the Emperor； came to see me every day。 Hardly a
week had passed； when he told me that his Majesty thought I ought to be
entirely well； and wished me to resume my duties。 This wish was
equivalent to an order； it was thus I understood it； and returned to the
Emperor； who seeing me pale； and suffering excruciatingly； deigned to say
to me many kind things； without； however； mentioning a new leave of
absence。 These two were my only absences for sixteen years； therefore；
on my return from Moscow； and during the campaign of France； my disease
having reached its height； I quitted the Emperor at Fontainebleau；
because it was impossible for me； in spite of all my attachment to so
kind a master； and all the gratitude which I felt towards him； to perform
my duties longer。 Even after this separation； which was exceedingly
painful to me； a year hardly sufficed to cure me； and then not entirely。
But I shall take occasion farther on to speak of this melancholy event。
I now return to the recital of facts； which prove that I could； with more
reason than many others； believe myself a person of great importance；
since my humble services seemed to be indispensable to the master of
Europe； and many frequenters of the Tuileries would have had more
difficulty than I in proving their usefulness。 Is there too much vanity
in what I have just said？ and would not the chamberlains have a right to
be vexed by it？ I am not concerned with that； so I continue my
narrative。 The Emperor was tenacious of old habits； he preferred； as we
have already seen； being served by me in preference to all others；
nevertheless； it is my duty to state that his servants were all full of
zeal and devotion； though I had been with him longest； and had never left
him。 One day the Emperor asked for tea in the middle of the day。 M。
Seneschal was on duty； consequently made the tea； and presented it to his
Majesty； who declared it to be detestable； and had me summoned。 The
Emperor complained to me that they were trying to poison him （this was
his expression when he found a bad taste in anything）； so going into the
kitchen； I poured out of the same teapot； a cup； which I prepared and
carried to his Majesty； with two silver…gilt spoons as usual； one to
taste the tea in the presence of the Emperor； and the other for him。
This time he said the tea was excellent； and complimented me on it with a
kind familiarity which he deigned at times to use towards his servants。
On returning the cup to me； he pulled my ears； and said； 〃You must teach
them how to make tea； they know nothing about it。〃 De Bourrienne； whose
excellent Memoirs I have read with the greatest pleasure； says somewhere；
that the Emperor in his moments of good humor pinched the tip of the ears
of his familiars。 I myself think that he pinched the whole ear； often；
indeed； both ears at once； and with the hand of a master。 He also says
in these same Memoirs； that the Emperor gave little friendly slaps with
two fingers； in which De Bourrienne is very moderate； for I can bear
witness in regard to this matter； that his Majesty； although his hand was
not large； bestowed his favors much more broadly； but this kind of
caress； as well as the former； was given and received as a mark of
particular favor； and the recipients were far from complaining then。 I
have heard more than one dignitary say with pride； like the sergeant in
the comedy；
〃Sir； feel there； the blow upon my cheek is still warm。〃
In his private apartments the Emperor was almost always cheerful and
approachable； conversing freely with the persons in his service；
questioning them about their families； their affairs； and even as to
their pleasures。 His toilet finished； his appearance suddenly changed；
he became grave and thoughtful； and assumed again the bearing of an
emperor。 It has been said； that he often beat the people of his
household； which statement is untrue。 I saw him once only give himself
up to a transport of this kind； and certainly the circumstances which
caused it； and the reparation which followed； ought to render it； if not
excusable； at least easily understood： This is the incident； of which I
was a witness； and which took place in the suburbs of Vienna； the day
after the death of Marshal Lannes。 The Emperor was profoundly affected；
and had not spoken a word during his toilet。 As soon as he was dressed
he asked for his horse； and as an unlucky chance would have it； Jardin；
superintendent of the stables； could not be found when the horse was
saddled； and the groom did not put on him his regular bridle； in
consequence of which his Majesty had no sooner mounted； than the animal
plunged； reared； and the rider fell heavily to the ground。 Jardin
arrived just as the Emperor was rising from the ground； beside himself
with anger； and in his first transport of rage； he gave Jardin a blow
with his riding…whip directly across his face。 Jardin withdrew；
overwhelmed by such cruel treatment； so unusual in his Majesty； and： few
hours after； Caulaincourt； grand equerry； finding himself alone with his
Majesty； described to him Jardin's grief and mortification。 The Emperor
expressed deep regret for his anger； sent for Jardin； and spoke to him
with a kindness which effaced the remembrance of his ill treatment； and
sent him a few days afterward three thousand francs。 I have been told
that a similar incident happened to Vigogne； senior； in Egypt。 But
although this may be true； two such instances alone in the entire life of
the Emperor； which was passed amid surroundings so well calculated to
make a man； even though naturally most amiable； depart from his usual
character； should not be sufficient to draw down upon Napoleon the odious
reproach of beating cru