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a hero of our time-第45章

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In vain the captain made various signs to him。 Grushnitski would not even look。

Meanwhile the doctor had loaded the pistol and handed it to me。  On seeing that; the captain spat and stamped his foot。

〃You are a fool; then; my friend;〃 he said: 〃a common fool! 。 。 。  You trusted to me before; so you should obey me in everything now。 。 。  But serve you right!  Die like a fly!〃 。 。 。

He turned away; muttering as he went:

〃But all the same it is absolutely against the rules。〃

〃Grushnitski!〃 I said。  〃There is still time: recant your slander; and I will forgive you every… thing。  You have not succeeded in making a fool of me; my self…esteem is satisfied。  Remem… ber  we were once friends〃 。 。 。

His face flamed; his eyes flashed。

〃Fire!〃 he answered。  〃I despise myself and I hate you。  If you do not kill me I will lie in wait for you some night and cut your throat。 There is not room on the earth for both of us〃 。 。 。

I fired。

When the smoke had cleared away; Grushnitski was not to be seen on the ledge。  Only a slender column of dust was still eddying at the edge of the precipice。

There was a simultaneous cry from the rest。

〃Finita la commedia!〃 I said to the doctor。

He made no answer; and turned away with horror。

I shrugged my shoulders and bowed to Grush… nitski's seconds。



CHAPTER XXI

AS I descended by the path; I observed Grush… nitski's bloodstained corpse between the clefts of the rocks。  Involuntarily; I closed my eyes。

Untying my horse; I set off home at a walking pace。  A stone lay upon my heart。  To my eyes the sun seemed dim; its beams were powerless to warm me。

I did not ride up to the village; but turned to the right; along the gorge。  The sight of a man would have been painful to me: I wanted to be alone。  Throwing down the bridle and letting my head fall on my breast; I rode for a long time; and at length found myself in a spot with which I was wholly unfamiliar。  I turned my horse back and began to search for the road。  The sun had al… ready set by the time I had ridden up to Kislo… vodsk  myself and my horse both utterly spent!

My servant told me that Werner had called; and he handed me two notes: one from Werner; the other 。 。 。 from Vera。

I opened the first; its contents were as follows:

〃Everything has been arranged as well as could be; the mutilated body has been brought in; and the bullet extracted from the breast。  Every… body is convinced that the cause of death was an unfortunate accident; only the Commandant; who was doubtless aware of your quarrel; shook his head; but he said nothing。  There are no proofs at all against you; and you may sleep in peace 。 。 。 if you can。 。 。 。  Farewell!〃 。 。 。

For a long time I could not make up my mind to open the second note。 。 。  What could it be that she was writing to me? 。 。 。  My soul was agitated by a painful foreboding。

Here it is; that letter; each word of which is indelibly engraved upon my memory:

〃I am writing to you in the full assurance that we shall never see each other again。  A few years ago on parting with you I thought the same。 However; it has been Heaven's will to try me a second time: I have not been able to endure the trial; my frail heart has again submitted to the well…known voice。 。 。  You will not despise me for that  will you?  This letter will be at once a farewell and a confession: I am obliged to tell you everything that has been treasured up in my heart since it began to love you。  I will not accuse you  you have acted towards me as any other man would have acted; you have loved me as a chattel; as a source of joys; disquietudes and griefs; interchanging one with the other; without which life would be dull and monotonous。  I have understood all that from the first。 。 。  But you were unhappy; and I have sacrificed myself; hoping that; some time; you would appreciate my sacrifice; that some time you would understand my deep tenderness; unfettered by any condi… tions。  A long time has elapsed since then: I have fathomed all the secrets of your soul。 。 。 and I have convinced myself that my hope was vain。  It has been a bitter blow to me!  But my love has been grafted with my soul; it has grown dark; but has not been extinguished。

〃We are parting for ever; yet you may be sure that I shall never love another。  Upon you my soul has exhausted all its treasures; its tears; its hopes。  She who has once loved you cannot look without a certain disdain upon other men; not because you have been better than they; oh; no! but in your nature there is something pecu… liar  belonging to you alone; something proud and mysterious; in your voice; whatever the words spoken; there is an invincible power。  No one can so constantly wish to be loved; in no one is wickedness ever so attractive; no one's glance promises so much bliss; no one can better make use of his advantages; and no one can be so truly unhappy as you; because no one endeavours so earnestly to convince himself of the contrary。

〃Now I must explain the cause of my hurried departure; it will seem of little importance to you; because it concerns me alone。

〃This morning my husband came in and told me about your quarrel with Grushnitski。  Evi… dently I changed countenance greatly; because he looked me in the face long and intently。  I almost fainted at the thought that you had to fight a duel to…day; and that I was the cause of it; it seemed to me that I should go mad。 。 。  But now; when I am able to reason; I am sure that you remain alive: it is impossible that you should die; and I not with you  impossible!  My hus… band walked about the room for a long time。  I do not know what he said to me; I do not remem… ber what I answered。 。 。  Most likely I told him that I loved you。 。 。  I only remember that; at the end of our conversation; he insulted me with a dreadful word and left the room。  I heard him ordering the carriage。 。 。  I have been sitting at the window three hours now; awaiting your re… turn。 。 。  But you are alive; you cannot have died! 。 。 。  The carriage is almost ready。 。 。 Good…bye; good…bye! 。 。 。  I have perished  but what matter?  If I could be sure that you will always remember me  I no longer say love  no; only remember 。 。 。  Good…bye; they are com… ing! 。 。 。  I must hide this letter。

〃You do not love Mary; do you?  You will not marry her?  Listen; you must offer me that sacrifice。  I have lost everything in the world for you〃 。 。 。

Like a madman I sprang on the steps; jumped on my Circassian horse which was being led about the courtyard; and set off at full gallop along the road to Pyatigorsk。  Unsparingly I urged on the jaded horse; which; snorting and all in a foam; carried me swiftly along the rocky road。

The sun had already disappeared behind a black cloud; which had been resting on the ridge of the western mountains; the gorge grew dark and damp。  The Podkumok; forcing its way over the rocks; roared with a hollow and monotonous sound。  I galloped on; choking with impatience。 The idea of not finding Vera in Pyatigorsk struck my heart like a hammer。  For one minute; again to see her for one minute; to say farewell; to press her hand。 。 。  I prayed; cursed; wept; laughed。 。 。  No; nothing could exp
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