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the dust-第56章

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ch a funny idea of what I had a right to do and what I hadn't。  And I didn't spend so very much on out…and…out luxury。  But enough to spoil me for this life。〃

As Norman listened; as he notedin her appearance; manner; way of talkingthe many meaning signs of the girl hesitating at the fork of the roadshe felt within him the twinges of fear; of jealousyand through fear and jealousy; the twinges of conscience。 She was telling the truth。  He had undermined her ability to live in purity the life to which her earning power assigned her。 。 。 。  WHY had she been so friendly to him?  Why had she received him in this informal; almost if not quite inviting fashion?

〃So you think I've changed?〃 she was saying。 〃WellI have。  Gracious; what a little fool I was!〃

His eyes lifted with an agonized question in them。

She flushed; glanced away; glanced at him again with the old; sweet expression of childlike innocence which had so often made him wonder whether it was merely a mannerism; or was a trick; or was indeed a beam from a pure soul。  〃I'm foolish stillin certain ways;〃 she said significantly。

〃And you always intend to be?〃 suggested he with a forced smile。

〃Ohyes;〃 replied shepositively enough; yet it somehow had not the full force of her simple short statements in the former days。

He believed her。  Perhaps because he wished to believe; must believe; would have been driven quite mad by disbelief。  Still; he believed。  As yet she was good。 But it would not last much longer。  With himor with some other。  If with him; then certainly afterward with anotherwith others。  No matter how jealously he might guard her; she would go that road; if once she entered it。  If he would have her for his very own he must strengthen her; not weaken her; must keep her 〃foolish stillin certain ways。〃

He said:  〃There's nothing in the other sort of life。〃

〃That's what they say;〃 replied she; with ominous irritation。  〃Stillsome girlsLOTS of girls seem to get on mighty well without being so terribly particular。〃

〃You ought to see them after a few years。〃

〃I'm only twenty…one;〃 laughed she。  〃I've got lots of time before I'm old。 。 。 。  You haven'tmarried?〃

〃No;〃 said he。

〃I thought I'd have heard; if you had。〃  She laughed queerlyagain shook out her hair; and it shimmered round her face and over her head and out from her shoulders like flames。  〃You've got a kind of aMr。 Tetlow way of talking。  It doesn't remind me of you as you were in Jersey City。〃

She said nothing; she suggested nothing that had the least impropriety in it; or faintest hint of impropriety。  It was nothing positive; nothing aggressive; but a certain vague negative something that gave him the impression of innocence still innocent but looking or trying to look tolerantly where it should not。  And he felt dizzy and sick; stricken with shame and remorse and jealous fear。  Yesshe was sliding slowly; gently; unconsciously down to the depth in which he had been lying; sick and shudderingno; to deeper depthsto the depths where there is no light; no trace of a return path。  And he had started her down。  He had done it when he; in his pride and selfishness; had ignored what the success of his project would mean for her。  But he knew now; in bitterness and shame and degradation he had learned。  〃I was infamous!〃 he said to himself。

She began to talk in a low; embarrassed voice:

〃Sometimes I think of getting married。  There's a young mana young lawyerhe makes twenty…five a week; but it'll be years and years before he has a good living。  A man doesn't get on fast in New York unless he has pull。〃

Norman; roused from his remorse; blazed inside。 〃You are in love with him?〃

She laughed; and he could not tell whether it was to tease him or to evade。

〃You'd not care about him long;〃 said Norman; 〃unless there were more money coming in than he'd be likely to get soon。  Love without money doesn't go at least; not in New York。〃

〃Do you suppose I don't know that?〃 said she with the irritation of one faced by a hateful fact。 〃StillI don't see what to do。〃

Norman; biting his lip and fuming and observing her with jealous eyes; said in the best voice he could command; 〃How long have you been in love with him?〃

〃Did I say I was in love?〃 mocked she。

〃You didn't say you weren't。  Who is he?〃

〃If you'll stay on about half an hour or so; you'll see him。  Noyou can't。  I've got to get dressed before I let him up。  He has very strict ideaswhere I'm concerned。〃

〃Then why did you let ME come up?〃 Norman said; with a penetrating glance。

She lowered her gaze and a faint flush stole into her cheeks。  Was it confession of the purpose he suspected? Or; was it merely embarrassment?

〃I heard of a case once;〃 continued Norman; his gaze significantly direct; 〃the case of a girl who was in love with a poor young fellow。  She wanted money luxury。  Also; she wanted the poor young fellow。〃

The color flamed into the girl's face; then left it pale。 Her white fingers fluttered with nervous grace into her masses of hair and back to her lap again; to rest there in timid quiet。

〃She knew another man;〃 pursued Norman; 〃one who was able to give her what she wanted in the way of comfort。  So; she decided to make an arrangement with the man; and keep it hidden from her loverand in that way get along pleasantly until her lover was in better circumstances 。〃

Her gaze was upon her hands; listless in her lap。  He felt that he had spoken her unspoken; probably unformed thoughts。  Yes; unformed。  Men and women; especially women; habitually pursued these unacknowledged andeven unformed purposes; in their conflicts of the desire to get what they wanted and their desire to appear well to themselves。

〃What would you think of an arrangement like that?〃 asked he; determined to draw her secret heart into the open where he could see; where she could see。

She lifted frank; guileless eyes to his。  〃I suppose the girl was trying to do the best she could。〃

〃What do you think of a girl who'd do that?〃

〃I don't judge anybodyany more。  I've found out that this world isn't at all as I thoughtas I was taught。〃

〃Would YOU do it?〃

She smiled faintly。  〃No;〃 she replied uncertainly。 Then she restored his wavering belief in her essential honesty and truthfulness by adding:  〃That is to say; I don't think I would。〃

She busied herself with her hair; feeling it to see whether it was not yet dry; spreading it out。  He looked at her unseeingly。  At last she said:  〃You must go。 I've got to get dressed。〃

〃YesI must be going;〃 said he absently; rising and reaching for his hat on the center table。

She stood up; put out her hand。  〃I'm glad you came。〃

〃Thank you;〃 said he; still in the same abstraction。 He shook hands with her; moved hesitatingly toward the door。  With his hand on the knob he turned and glanced keenly at her。  He surprised in her face a look of mystery of seriousness; of sadnesswas there anxiety in it; also?  And then he saw a certain elusive reminder of her fatherand it brought to him with curious force the memory of how she had been brought up; of what must be hers by inheritance and by trainingshe; the daughter of a great and simple and noble man

〃Yo
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