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boast of serving a man of so high quality。
We fared on over Bankside to the Globe playhouse； where my Lord
bade me dismount and deliver a secret message to the chief player which
message was； 〃had he diligently perused and examined that he wot of； and
what said he thereof？〃 Which I did。 Thereupon he that was called the
chief player did incontinently proceed to load mine arms and wallet with
many and divers rolls of manuscripts in my Lord's own hand； and bade me
say unto him that there was a great frost over London； but that if he were
to perform those plays and masques publickly； there would be a greater
frost thereto wit； in the Globe playhouse。 This I did deliver with the
Manuscripts to my Lord； who changed countenance mightily at the sight
of them； but could make nought of the message。 At which the lad who
held the horses before the playhouseone Will Shakespearesplit with
laughter。 Whereat my Lord cursed him for a deer…stealing； coney…
catching Warwickshire lout； and cuffed him soundly。 I wot there will be
those who remember that this Will Shakespeare afterwards became a
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player and did write playswhich were acceptable even to the Queen's
Majesty's selfand I set this down not from vanity to shew I have held
converse with such； nor to give a seemingness and colour to my story； but
to shew what ill…judged； misinformed knaves were they who did
afterwards attribute friendship between my Lord and this Will
Shakespeare； even to the saying that he made sonnets to my Lord。
Howbeit； my Lord was exceeding wroth； and I； to beguile him； did
propose that we should leave our horses and cargoes of manuscript behind
and cross on the ice afoot； which conceit pleased him mightily。 In sooth
it chanced well with what followed； for hardly were we on the river when
we saw a great crowd coming from Westminster； before a caravan of
strange animals and savages in masks； capering and capricolling； dragging
after them divers sledges quaintly fashioned like swannes； in which were
ladies attired as fairies and goddesses and such like heathen and wanton
trumpery； which I； as a plain； blunt man； would have fallen to cursing； had
not my Lord himself damned me under his breath to hold my peace； for
that he had recognized my Lord of Leicester's colours and that he made no
doubt they were of the Court。 As forsooth this did presently appear； also
that one of the ladies was her Gracious Majesty's selfmasked to the
general eye； the better to enjoy these miscalled festivities。 I say
miscalled； for； though a loyal subject of her Majesty； and one who hath
borne arms at Tilbury Fort in defence of her Majesty； it inflamed my
choler； as a plain and blunt man； that her Mightiness should so degrade her
dignity。 Howbeit； as a man who hath his way to make in the world； I
kept mine eyes well upon the anticks of the Great； while my Lord joined
the group of maskers and their follies。 I recognized her Majesty's
presence by her discourse in three languages to as many Ambassadors that
were presentthough I marked well that she had not forgotten her own
tongue； calling one of her ladies 〃a sluttish wench；〃 nor her English spirit
in cuffing my Lord of Essex's ears for some indecorumwhich； as a plain
man myself； curt in speech and action； did rejoice me greatly。 But I must
relate one feat； the like of which I never saw in England before or since。
There was a dance of the maskers； and in the midst of it her Majesty asked
the Ambassador from Spayne if he had seen the latest French dance。 He
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replied that he had not。 Whereupon Her Most Excellent Majesty skipt
back a pace and forward a pace； and lifting her hoop； delivered a kick at
his Excellency's hat which sent it flying the space of a good English ell
above his head！ Howbeit so great was the acclamation that her Majesty
was graciously moved to repeat it to my Lord of Leicester； but； tripping
back； her high heels caught in her farthingale； and she would have fallen
on the ice； but for that my Lord； with exceeding swiftness and dexterity；
whisked his cloak from his shoulder； spreading it under her； and so
received her body in its folds on the ice； without himself touching her
Majesty's person。 Her Majesty was greatly pleased at this； and bade my
Lord buy another cloak at her cost； though it swallowed an estate； but my
Lord replyed； after the lying fashion of the time； that it was honour enough
for him to be permitted to keep it after 〃it had received her Royal person。〃
I know that this hap hath been partly related of another personthe
shipman Raleighbut I tell such as deny me that they lie in their teeth； for
I； John Longbowe； have causemiserable cause enough； I warrantto
remember it； and my Lord can bear me out！ For； spite of his fair
speeches； when he was quit of the Royal presence； he threw me his wet
and bedraggled cloak and bade me change it with him for mine own；
which was dry and warm。 And it was this simple act which wrought the
lamentable and cruel deed of which I was the victim； for； as I followed my
Lord； thus apparelled； across the ice； I was suddenly set upon and seized； a
choke…pear clapt into my mouth so that I could not cry aloud； mine eyes
bandaged； mine elbows pinioned at my side in that fatall cloak like to a
trussed fowl； and so I was carried to where the ice was broken； and thrust
into a boat。 Thence I was conveyed in the same rude sort to a ship；
dragged up her smooth； wet side； and clapt under hatches。 Here I lay
helpless as in a swoon。 When I came to； it was with a great trampling on
the decks above and the washing of waves below； and I made that the ship
was movingbut where I knew not。 After a little space the hatch was
lifted from where I lay； the choke…pear taken from my mouth； but not the
bandage from mine eyes； so I could see nought around me。