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voice faltered〃theatrical situationbut I couldn't！ Something impelled
me otherwise。 Now you know why I became an actress！ But even there
I fail！ THEY are allowed reasoning power off the stageI have none at
any time！ I laugh in the wrong placeI do the unnecessary； extravagant
thing。 Endowed by some strange power with extraordinary attributes； I
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am supposed to make everybody love me； but I don'tI satisfy nobody； I
convince none！ I have no idea what will happen to me next。 I am
doomed toI know not what。〃
〃And I；〃 he groaned bitterly； 〃I； in some rare and lucid moments； have
had a glimpse of this too。 We are in the hands of some inscrutable but
awful power。 Tell me； Golly； tell me； darling； who is it？〃
Again that gleam of Common or Ordinary Horse Sense came in her
eye。
〃I have found out who；〃 she whispered。 〃I have found out who has
created us； and made us as puppets in his hands。〃
〃Is it the Almighty？〃 he asked。
〃No； it is〃she said； with a burst of real laughter〃it isThe 'All
Caine！〃
〃What！ our countryman the Manxman？ The only great Novelist？
The beloved of Gladstone？〃 he gasped。
〃Yesand he intends to kill YOUand we're only to be married at your
deathbed！〃
John Gale arose with a look of stern determination。 〃I have suffered
much and idioticallybut I draw a line at this。 I shall kick！〃
Golly clapped her hands joyfully。 〃We will！〃
〃And we'll chuck him。〃
〃We will。〃
They were choking with laughter。
〃And go and get married in a natural； simple way like anybody else
and tryto do our dutyto Godto each otherand to our fellow… beings
and quit thisdamnednonsenseand in…fer…nal idiocy forever！〃
〃Amen！〃
PUBLISHER'S NOTE。〃In that supreme work of my life； 'The
Christian；'〃 said the gifted novelist to a reporter in speaking of his methods；
〃I had endowed the characters of Golly and John Gale with such
superhuman vitality and absolute reality thatas is well known in the
experience of great writersthey became thinking beings； and actually
criticised my work； and even INTERFERED and REBELLED to the point
of altering my climax and the end！〃 The present edition gives that
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ending； which of course is the only real one。
THE ADVENTURES OF JOHN LONGBOWE； YEOMAN
BEING A MODERN…ANTIQUE REALISTIC ROMANCE
（COMPILED FROM SEVERAL EMINENT SOURCES）
It seemeth but fair that I； John Longbowe； should set down this
account of such hap and adventure as hath befallen me； without flourish；
vaporing； or cozening of speech； but as becometh one who； not being a
ready writer； goeth straight to the matter in hand in few words。 So；
though I offend some； I shall yet convince all； the which lieth closer to my
purpose。 Thus； it was in the year 1560； or 1650； or mayhap 1710for my
memory is not what it hath been and I ever cared little for monkish
calendars or such dry…as…dust matter； being active as becometh one who
hath to make his way in the worldyet I wot well it was after the Great
Plague； which I have great cause to remember； lying at my cozen's in
Wardour Street； London； in that lamentable year； eating of gilly flowers；
sulphur； hartes tongue and many stynking herbes； touching neither man
nor mayd； save with a great tongs steept in pitch； wearing a fine maske of
silk with a mouth piece of aromatic stuffby reason of which acts of
hardihood and courage I was miraculously preserved。 This much I shall
say as to the time of these happenings； and no more。 I am a plain； blunt
manmayhap rude of speech should occasion warrant…so let them who
require the exactness of a scrivener or a pedagogue go elsewhere for their
entertainment and be hanged to them！
Howbeit； though no scholar； I am not one of those who misuse the
English speech； and； being foolishly led by the hasty custom of scriveners
and printers to write the letters 〃T〃 and 〃H〃 joined together； which
resembleth a 〃Y；〃 do incontinently jump to the conclusion the THE is
pronounced 〃Ye；〃the like of which I never heard in all England。 And
though this be little toward those great enterprises and happenings I shall
presently shew； I set it down for the behoof of such malapert wights as
must needs gird at a man of spirit and actionand yet； in sooth； know not
their own letters。
So to my tale。 There was a great frost when my Lord bade me follow
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him to the water gate near our lodgings in the Strand。 When we reached
it we were amazed to see that the Thames was frozen over and many
citizens disporting themselves on the icethe like of which no man had
seen before。 There were fires built thereon； and many ships and barges
were stuck hard and fast； and my Lord thought it vastly pretty that the
people were walking under their bows and cabbin windows and climbing
of their sides like mermen； but I； being a plain； blunt man； had no joy in
such idlenesse； deeming it better that in these times of pith and enterprise
they should be more seemly employed。 My Lord； because of one or two
misadventures by reason of the slipperiness of the ice； was fain to go by
London Bridge； which we did； my Lord as suited his humor ruffling the
staid citizens as he passed or peering under the hoods of their wives and
daughtersas became a young gallant of the time。 I； being a plain； blunt
man； assisted in no such folly； but contented myself； when they
complayned to me； with damning their souls for greasy interfering varlets。
For I shall now make no scruple in declaring that my Lord was the most
noble Earl of Southampton； being withheld from so saying before through
very plainness and bluntness； desiring as a simple yeoman to make no
boast of serving a man of so high quality。
We fared on over Bankside to t