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make him own it？ Mine！ What did I do； when he tried to confess it； and
failed to make her understand him？ what did I do when she first committed
the mistake of believing _me_ to be the disfigured man？〃
The audacity of that last question fairly took away my breath。 〃You
cruelly helped to deceive her；〃 I answered indignantly。 〃You basely
encouraged your brother in his fatal policy of silence。〃
He looked at me with an angry amazement on his side which more than
equaled the angry amazement on mine。
〃So much for the delicate perception of a woman！〃 he exclaimed。 〃So much
for the wonderful tact which is the peculiar gift of the sex！ You can see
no motive but a bad motive in my sacrificing myself for Oscar's sake？〃
I began to discern faintly that there might have been another than a bad
motive for his conduct。 Butwell！ I dare say I was wrong； I resented the
tone he was taking with me； I would have owned I had made a mistake to
anybody else in the world； I wouldn't own it to _him。_ There！
〃Look back for one moment；〃 he resumed； in quieter and gentler tones。
〃See how hardly you have judged me！ I seized the opportunityI swear to
you this is trueI seized the opportunity of making myself an object of
horror to her； the moment I heard of the mistake that she had made。 I
felt in myself that I was growing less and less capable of avoiding her；
and I caught at the chance of making _her_ avoid _me；_ I did thatand I
did more！ I entreated Oscar to let me leave Dimchurch。 He appealed to me；
in the name of our love for each other； to remain。 I couldn't resist him。
Where do you see signs of the conduct of a scoundrel in all this？ Would a
scoundrel have betrayed himself to you a dozen times overas I did in
that talk of ours in the summer…house？ I remember saying in so many
words； I wished I had never come to Dimchurch。 What reason but one could
there be for my saying that？ How is it that you never even asked me what
I meant？〃
〃You forget；〃 I interposed； 〃that I had no opportunity of asking you。
Lucilla interrupted us； and diverted my attention to other things。 What
do you mean by putting me on my defence in this way？〃 I went on； more and
more irritated by the tone he was taking with me。 〃What right have you to
judge my conduct？〃
He looked at me with a kind of vacant surprise。
〃_Have_ I been judging your conduct？〃 he asked。
〃Yes。〃
〃Perhaps I was thinking； if you had seen my infatuation in time you
might have checked it in time。 No！〃 he exclaimed； before I could answer
him。 〃Nothing could have checked itnothing will cure it but my death。
Let us try to agree。 I beg your pardon if I have offended you。 I am
willing to take a just view of your conduct。 Will you take a just view of
mine？〃
I tried hard to take a just view。 Though I resented his manner of
speaking to me； I nevertheless secretly felt for him； as I have
confessed。 Still I could not forget that he had attempted to attract to
himself Lucilla's first look； on the day when she tried her sightthat
he had personated his brother to Lucilla that very morningthat he had
suffered his brother to go away heart…broken； a voluntary exile from all
that he held dear。 No！ I could feel for him； but I could _not_ take a
just view of him。 I sat down； and said nothing。
He returned to the question between us； treating me with the needful
politeness； when he spoke next。 For all that； he alarmed me； by what he
now said； as he had not alarmed me yet。
〃I repeat what I have already told you；〃 he proceeded。 〃I am no longer
accountable for what I do。 If I know anything of myself； I believe it
will be useless to trust me in the future。 While I am capable of speaking
the truth； let me tell it。 Whatever happens at a later timeremember
this； I have honestly made a clean breast of it to…night。〃
〃Stop！〃 I cried。 〃I don't understand your reckless way of talking。 Every
man is accountable for what he does。〃
He checked me there by an impatient wave of his hand。
〃Keep your opinion； I don't dispute it。 You will see； you will
see。Madame Pratolungo； the day when we had that private talk of ours in
the rectory summer…house； marks a memorable date in my calendar。 My last
honest struggle to be true to my poor Oscar ended with that day。 The
efforts I have made since then have been little better than mere
outbreaks of despair。 They have done nothing to help me against the
passion that has become the one feeling and the one misery of my life。
Don't talk of resistance。 All resistance stops at a certain point。 Since
the time I have told you of； _my_ resistance has reached its limits。 You
have heard how I struggled against temptation； as long as I could resist
it。 I have only to tell you how I have yielded to it now。〃
The reckless； shameless composure with which he said that； began to set
me against him once more。 The perpetual shifts and contradictions in him；
bewildered and irritated me。 Quicksilver itself seemed to be less
slippery to lay hold of than this man。
〃Do you remember the day；〃 he asked； 〃when Lucilla lost her temper； and
received you so rudely at your visit to Browndown？〃
I made a sign in the affirmative。
〃You spoke； a little while since； of my personating Oscar to her。 I
personated him； on the occasion I have just mentioned； for the first
time。 You were present and heard me。 Did you care to speculate on the
motives which made me impose myself on her as my brother？〃
〃As well as I can remember；〃 I answered； 〃I made the first guess that
occurred to me。 I thought you were indulging in a moment's mischievous
amusement at Lucilla's expense。
〃I was indulging the passion that consumed me！ I longed to feel the
luxury of her touching me and being familiar with me； under the
impression that I was Oscar。 Worse even than that； I wanted to try how
completely I could impose on herhow easily I might marry her； if I
could only deceive you all； and take her away somewhere by herself。 The
devil was in possession of me。 I don't know how it might have ended； if
Oscar had not come in； and if Lucilla had not burst out as she did。 She
distressed meshe frightened meshe gave me back again to my better
self。 I rushed； without stopping to prepare her； into the question of her
restoration to sightas the only way of diverting her mind from the vile
advantage that I had taken of her blindness。 That night； Madame
Pratolungo； I suffered pangs of self…reproach and remorse which would
even have satisfied _you。_ At the very next opportunity that offered； I
made my atonement to Oscar。 I supported his interests； I even put the
words he was to say to Lucilla into his lips
〃When？〃 I broke in。 〃Where？ How？〃
〃When the two surgeons had left us。 In Lucilla's sitting…room。 In the
heat of the discussion whether she should submit to the operation at
onceor whether she should marry Oscar first； and let Grosse try his
experiment on her eyes at a later time。 If you recall our conversation；
you will remember that I did all I could to persuade Lucilla to marry my
brother before Grosse tried his experiment on her sight。 Quite useless！
You threw all the weight of your influence into the opposite side of the
scale。 I failed。 I