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David Copperfield
in my growth and looks； and in the knowledge I have garnered all
this while？ I wear a gold watch and chain； a ring upon my little
finger； and a long…tailed coat； and I use a great deal of bear’s
grease—which； taken in conjunction with the ring； looks bad。 Am I
in love again？ I am。 I worship the eldest Miss Larkins。
The eldest Miss Larkins is not a little girl。 She is a tall； dark；
black…eyed； fine figure of a woman。 The eldest Miss Larkins is not
a chicken； for the youngest Miss Larkins is not that； and the eldest
must be three or four years older。 Perhaps the eldest Miss Larkins
may be about thirty。 My passion for her is beyond all bounds。
The eldest Miss Larkins knows officers。 It is an awful thing to
bear。 I see them speaking to her in the street。 I see them cross the
way to meet her； when her bonnet （she has a bright taste in
bonnets） is seen coming down the pavement； accompanied by her
sister’s bonnet。 She laughs and talks； and seems to like it。 I spend
a good deal of my own spare time in walking up and down to meet
her。 If I can bow to her once in the day （I know her to bow to；
knowing Mr。 Larkins）； I am happier。 I deserve a bow now and
then。 The raging agonies I suffer on the night of the Race Ball；
where I know the eldest Miss Larkins will be dancing with the
military； ought to have some compensation； if there be evenhanded justice in the world。
My passion takes away my appetite； and makes me wear my
newest silk neckerchief continually。 I have no relief but in putting
on my best clothes； and having my boots cleaned over and over
again。 I seem； then； to be worthier of the eldest Miss Larkins。
Everything that belongs to her； or is connected with her； is
precious to me。 Mr。 Larkins （a gruff old gentleman with a double
chin； and one of his eyes immovable in his head） is fraught with
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
interest to me。 When I can’t meet his daughter； I go where I am
likely to meet him。 To say ‘How do you do； Mr。 Larkins？ Are the
young ladies and all the family quite well？’ seems so pointed； that I
blush。
I think continually about my age。 Say I am seventeen； and say
that seventeen is young for the eldest Miss Larkins； what of that？
Besides； I shall be one…and…twenty in no time almost。 I regularly
take walks outside Mr。 Larkins’s house in the evening； though it
cuts me to the heart to see the officers go in； or to hear them up in
the drawing…room； where the eldest Miss Larkins plays the harp。 I
even walk； on two or three occasions； in a sickly； spoony manner；
round and round the house after the family are gone to bed；
wondering which is the eldest Miss Larkins’s chamber （and
pitching； I dare say now； on Mr。 Larkins’s instead）； wishing that a
fire would burst out； that the assembled crowd would stand
appalled； that I； dashing through them with a ladder； might rear it
against her window； save her in my arms； go back for something
she had left behind； and perish in the flames。 For I am generally
disinterested in my love； and think I could be content to make a
figure before Miss Larkins； and expire。
Generally； but not always。 Sometimes brighter visions rise
before me。 When I dress （the occupation of two hours）； for a great
ball given at the Larkins’s （the anticipation of three weeks）； I
indulge my fancy with pleasing images。 I picture myself taking
courage to make a declaration to Miss Larkins。 I picture Miss
Larkins sinking her head upon my shoulder； and saying； ‘Oh； Mr。
Copperfield； can I believe my ears！’ I picture Mr。 Larkins waiting
on me next morning； and saying； ‘My dear Copperfield； my
daughter has told me all。 Youth is no objection。 Here are twenty
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
thousand pounds。 Be happy！’ I picture my aunt relenting； and
blessing us； and Mr。 Dick and Doctor Strong being present at the
marriage ceremony。 I am a sensible fellow； I believe—I believe； on
looking back； I mean—and modest I am sure； but all this goes on
notwithstanding。 I repair to the enchanted house； where there are
lights； chattering； music； flowers； officers （I am sorry to see）； and
the eldest Miss Larkins； a blaze of beauty。 She is dressed in blue；
with blue flowers in her hair—forget…me…nots—as if SHE had any
need to wear forget…me…nots。 It is the first really grown…up party
that I have ever been invited to； and I am a little uncomfortable；
for I appear not to belong to anybody； and nobody appears to have
anything to say to me； except Mr。 Larkins； who asks me how my
schoolfellows are； which he needn’t do； as I have not come there to
be insulted。
But after I have stood in the doorway for some time； and
feasted my eyes upon the goddess of my heart； she approaches
me—she； the eldest Miss Larkins！—and asks me pleasantly； if I
dance？
I stammer； with a bow； ‘With you； Miss Larkins。’
‘With no one else？’ inquires Miss Larkins。
‘I should have no pleasure in dancing with anyone else。’
Miss Larkins laughs and blushes （or I think she blushes）； and
says； ‘Next time but one； I shall be very glad。’
The time arrives。 ‘It is a waltz； I think；’ Miss Larkins doubtfully
observes； when I present myself。 ‘Do you waltz？ If not； Captain
Bailey—’
But I do waltz （pretty well； too； as it happens）； and I take Miss
Larkins out。 I take her sternly from the side of Captain Bailey。 He
is wretched； I have no doubt； but he is nothing to me。 I have been
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
wretched； too。 I waltz with the eldest Miss Larkins！ I don’t know
where； among whom； or how long。 I only know that I swim about
in space； with a blue angel； in a state of blissful delirium； until I
find myself alone with her in a little room； resting on a sofa。 She
admires a flower （pink camellia japonica； price half…a…crown）； in
my button…hole。 I give it her； and say：
‘I ask an inestimable price for it； Miss Larkins。’
‘Indeed！ What is that？’ returns Miss Larkins。
‘A flower of yours； that I may treasure it as a miser does gold。’
‘You’re a bold boy；’ says Miss Larkins。 ‘There。’
She gives it me； not displeased； and I put it to my lips； and then
into my breast。 Miss Larkins； laughing； draws her hand through
my arm； and says； ‘Now take me back to Captain Bailey。’
I am lost in the recollection of this delicious interview； and the
waltz； when she comes to me again； with a plain elderly gentleman
who has been playing whist all night； upon her arm； and says： ‘Oh！
here is my bold friend！ Mr。 Chestle wants to know you； Mr。
Copperfield。’
I feel at once that he is a friend of the family； and am much
gratified。
‘I admire your taste； sir；’ says Mr。 Chestle。 ‘It does you credit。 I
suppose you don’t take much interest in hops； but I am a pretty
large grower myself； and if you ever like to come over to our
neighbourhood—neighbourhood of Ashford—and take a run
about our place；—we shall be glad for you to stop as long as you
like。’
I thank Mr。 Chestle warmly；