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to be abandoned。 Now； David； you understand me； and you know
what will be the consequence if you fail to obey me to the letter。’
I knew well—better perhaps than he thought； as far as my poor
mother was concerned—and I obeyed him to the letter。 I retreated
to my own room no more； I took refuge with Peggotty no more；
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
but sat wearily in the parlour day after day； looking forward to
night； and bedtime。
What irksome constraint I underwent； sitting in the same
attitude hours upon hours； afraid to move an arm or a leg lest Miss
Murdstone should complain （as she did on the least pretence） of
my restlessness； and afraid to move an eye lest she should light on
some look of dislike or scrutiny that would find new cause for
complaint in mine！ What intolerable dulness to sit listening to the
ticking of the clock； and watching Miss Murdstone’s little shiny
steel beads as she strung them； and wondering whether she would
ever be married； and if so； to what sort of unhappy man； and
counting the divisions in the moulding of the chimney…piece； and
wandering away； with my eyes； to the ceiling； among the curls and
corkscrews in the paper on the wall！
What walks I took alone； down muddy lanes； in the bad winter
weather； carrying that parlour； and Mr。 and Miss Murdstone in it；
everywhere： a monstrous load that I was obliged to bear； a
daymare that there was no possibility of breaking in； a weight that
brooded on my wits； and blunted them！
What meals I had in silence and embarrassment； always feeling
that there were a knife and fork too many； and that mine； an
appetite too many； and that mine； a plate and chair too many； and
those mine； a somebody too many； and that I！
What evenings； when the candles came； and I was expected to
employ myself； but； not daring to read an entertaining book； pored
over some hard…headed； harder…hearted treatise on arithmetic；
when the tables of weights and measures set themselves to tunes；
as ‘Rule Britannia’； or ‘Away with Melancholy’； when they
wouldn’t stand still to be learnt； but would go threading my
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
grandmother’s needle through my unfortunate head； in at one ear
and out at the other！ What yawns and dozes I lapsed into； in spite
of all my care； what starts I came out of concealed sleeps with；
what answers I never got； to little observations that I rarely made；
what a blank space I seemed； which everybody overlooked； and
yet was in everybody’s way； what a heavy relief it was to hear Miss
Murdstone hail the first stroke of nine at night； and order me to
bed！
Thus the holidays lagged away； until the morning came when
Miss Murdstone said： ‘Here’s the last day off！’ and gave me the
closing cup of tea of the vacation。
I was not sorry to go。 I had lapsed into a stupid state； but I was
recovering a little and looking forward to Steerforth； albeit Mr。
Creakle loomed behind him。 Again Mr。 Barkis appeared at the
gate； and again Miss Murdstone in her warning voice； said： ‘Clara！’
when my mother bent over me； to bid me farewell。
I kissed her； and my baby brother； and was very sorry then； but
not sorry to go away； for the gulf between us was there； and the
parting was there； every day。 And it is not so much the embrace
she gave me； that lives in my mind； though it was as fervent as
could be； as what followed the embrace。
I was in the carrier’s cart when I heard her calling to me。 I
looked out； and she stood at the garden…gate alone； holding her
baby up in her arms for me to see。 It was cold still weather； and
not a hair of her head； nor a fold of her dress； was stirred； as she
looked intently at me； holding up her child。
So I lost her。 So I saw her afterwards； in my sleep at school—a
silent presence near my bed—looking at me with the same intent
face—holding up her baby in her arms。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
Chapter 9
I HAVE A MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY
Ipass over all that happened at school； until the anniversary of
my birthday came round in March。 Except that Steerforth
was more to be admired than ever； I remember nothing。 He
was going away at the end of the half…year； if not sooner； and was
more spirited and independent than before in my eyes； and
therefore more engaging than before； but beyond this I remember
nothing。 The great remembrance by which that time is marked in
my mind； seems to have swallowed up all lesser recollections； and
to exist alone。
It is even difficult for me to believe that there was a gap of full
two months between my return to Salem House and the arrival of
that birthday。 I can only understand that the fact was so； because I
know it must have been so； otherwise I should feel convinced that
there was no interval； and that the one occasion trod upon the
other’s heels。
How well I recollect the kind of day it was！ I smell the fog that
hung about the place； I see the hoar frost； ghostly； through it； I feel
my rimy hair fall clammy on my cheek； I look along the dim
perspective of the schoolroom； with a sputtering candle here and
there to light up the foggy morning； and the breath of the boys
wreathing and smoking in the raw cold as they blow upon their
fingers； and tap their feet upon the floor。 It was after breakfast；
and we had been summoned in from the playground； when Mr。
Sharp entered and said：
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
‘David Copperfield is to go into the parlour。’
I expected a hamper from Peggotty； and brightened at the
order。 Some of the boys about me put in their claim not to be
forgotten in the distribution of the good things； as I got out of my
seat with great alacrity。
‘Don’t hurry； David；’ said Mr。 Sharp。 ‘There’s time enough； my
boy； don’t hurry。’
I might have been surprised by the feeling tone in which he
spoke； if I had given it a thought； but I gave it none until
afterwards。 I hurried away to the parlour； and there I found Mr。
Creakle； sitting at his breakfast with the cane and a newspaper
before him； and Mrs。 Creakle with an opened letter in her hand。
But no hamper。
‘David Copperfield；’ said Mrs。 Creakle； leading me to a sofa； and
sitting down beside me。 ‘I want to speak to you very particularly。 I
have something to tell you； my child。’
Mr。 Creakle； at whom of course I looked； shook his head
without looking at me； and stopped up a sigh with a very large
piece of buttered toast。
‘You are too young to know how the world changes every day；’
said Mrs。 Creakle； ‘and how the people in it pass away。 But we all
have to learn it； David； some of us when we are young； some of us
when we are old； some of us at all times of our lives。’
I looked at her earnestly。
‘When you came away from home at the end of the vacation；’
said Mrs。 Creakle； after a pause； ‘were they all well？’ After another
pause； ‘Was your mama well？’
I trembled withou