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no more。
I felt apprehensive that I was personally interested in this
dialogue; and sought Mr。 Murdstone’s eye as it lighted on mine。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
‘Now; David;’ he said—and I saw that cast again as he said it—
‘you must be far more careful today than usual。’ He gave the cane
another poise; and another switch; and having finished his
preparation of it; laid it down beside him; with an impressive look;
and took up his book。
This was a good freshener to my presence of mind; as a
beginning。 I felt the words of my lessons slipping off; not one by
one; or line by line; but by the entire page; I tried to lay hold of
them; but they seemed; if I may so express it; to have put skates
on; and to skim away from me with a smoothness there was no
checking。
We began badly; and went on worse。 I had come in with an idea
of distinguishing myself rather; conceiving that I was very well
prepared; but it turned out to be quite a mistake。 Book after book
was added to the heap of failures; Miss Murdstone being firmly
watchful of us all the time。 And when we came at last to the five
thousand cheeses (canes he made it that day; I remember); my
mother burst out crying。
‘Clara!’ said Miss Murdstone; in her warning voice。
‘I am not quite well; my dear Jane; I think;’ said my mother。
I saw him wink; solemnly; at his sister; as he rose and said;
taking up the cane:
‘Why; Jane; we can hardly expect Clara to bear; with perfect
firmness; the worry and torment that David has occasioned her
today。 That would be stoical。 Clara is greatly strengthened and
improved; but we can hardly expect so much from her。 David; you
and I will go upstairs; boy。’
As he took me out at the door; my mother ran towards us。 Miss
Murdstone said; ‘Clara! are you a perfect fool?’ and interfered。 I
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
saw my mother stop her ears then; and I heard her crying。
He walked me up to my room slowly and gravely—I am certain
he had a delight in that formal parade of executing justice—and
when we got there; suddenly twisted my head under his arm。
‘Mr。 Murdstone! Sir!’ I cried to him。 ‘Don’t! Pray don’t beat me!
I have tried to learn; sir; but I can’t learn while you and Miss
Murdstone are by。 I can’t indeed!’
‘Can’t you; indeed; David?’ he said。 ‘We’ll try that。’
He had my head as in a vice; but I twined round him somehow;
and stopped him for a moment; entreating him not to beat me。 It
was only a moment that I stopped him; for he cut me heavily an
instant afterwards; and in the same instant I caught the hand with
which he held me in my mouth; between my teeth; and bit it
through。 It sets my teeth on edge to think of it。
He beat me then; as if he would have beaten me to death。 Above
all the noise we made; I heard them running up the stairs; and
crying out—I heard my mother crying out—and Peggotty。 Then he
was gone; and the door was locked outside; and I was lying;
fevered and hot; and torn; and sore; and raging in my puny way;
upon the floor。
How well I recollect; when I became quiet; what an unnatural
stillness seemed to reign through the whole house! How well I
remember; when my smart and passion began to cool; how wicked
I began to feel!
I sat listening for a long while; but there was not a sound。 I
crawled up from the floor; and saw my face in the glass; so
swollen; red; and ugly that it almost frightened me。 My stripes
were sore and stiff; and made me cry afresh; when I moved; but
they were nothing to the guilt I felt。 It lay heavier on my breast
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
than if I had been a most atrocious criminal; I dare say。
It had begun to grow dark; and I had shut the window (I had
been lying; for the most part; with my head upon the sill; by turns
crying; dozing; and looking listlessly out); when the key was
turned; and Miss Murdstone came in with some bread and meat;
and milk。 These she put down upon the table without a word;
glaring at me the while with exemplary firmness; and then retired;
locking the door after her。
Long after it was dark I sat there; wondering whether anybody
else would come。 When this appeared improbable for that night; I
undressed; and went to bed; and; there; I began to wonder
fearfully what would be done to me。 Whether it was a criminal act
that I had committed? Whether I should be taken into custody;
and sent to prison? Whether I was at all in danger of being
hanged?
I never shall forget the waking; next morning; the being
cheerful and fresh for the first moment; and then the being
weighed down by the stale and dismal oppression of
remembrance。 Miss Murdstone reappeared before I was out of
bed; told me; in so many words; that I was free to walk in the
garden for half an hour and no longer; and retired; leaving the
door open; that I might avail myself of that permission。
I did so; and did so every morning of my imprisonment; which
lasted five days。 If I could have seen my mother alone; I should
have gone down on my knees to her and besought her forgiveness;
but I saw no one; Miss Murdstone excepted; during the whole
time—except at evening prayers in the parlour; to which I was
escorted by Miss Murdstone after everybody else was placed;
where I was stationed; a young outlaw; all alone by myself near the
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
door; and whence I was solemnly conducted by my jailer; before
any one arose from the devotional posture。 I only observed that
my mother was as far off from me as she could be; and kept her
face another way so that I never saw it; and that Mr。 Murdstone’s
hand was bound up in a large linen wrapper。
The length of those five days I can convey no idea of to any one。
They occupy the place of years in my remembrance。 The way in
which I listened to all the incidents of the house that made
themselves audible to me; the ringing of bells; the opening and
shutting of doors; the murmuring of voices; the footsteps on the
stairs; to any laughing; whistling; or singing; outside; which
seemed more dismal than anything else to me in my solitude and
disgrace—the uncertain pace of the hours; especially at night;
when I would wake thinking it was morning; and find that the
family were not yet gone to bed; and that all the length of night
had yet to come—the depressed dreams and nightmares I had—
the return of day; noon; afternoon; evening; when the boys played
in the churchyard; and I watched them from a distance within the
room; being ashamed to show myself at the window lest they
should know I was a prisoner—the strange sensation of never
hearing myself speak—the fleeting intervals of something like
cheerfulness; which came with eating and drinking; and went
away with it—the setting in of rain one evening; with a fresh smell;
and its coming down faster and faster between me and the church;
until it and gathering night seemed to quench me in gloom; and
fear; and rem