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into it by another。 Nor is it your fault。 You were betrayed into it by
another。 Let us both try to forget it。 And as this;’ he added; after
these magnanimous words; ‘is not a fit scene for the boy—David;
go to bed!’
I could hardly find the door; through the tears that stood in my
eyes。 I was so sorry for my mother’s distress; but I groped my way
out; and groped my way up to my room in the dark; without even
having the heart to say good night to Peggotty; or to get a candle
from her。 When her coming up to look for me; an hour or so
afterwards; awoke me; she said that my mother had gone to bed
poorly; and that Mr。 and Miss Murdstone were sitting alone。
Going down next morning rather earlier than usual; I paused
outside the parlour door; on hearing my mother’s voice。 She was
very earnestly and humbly entreating Miss Murdstone’s pardon;
which that lady granted; and a perfect reconciliation took place。 I
never knew my mother afterwards to give an opinion on any
matter; without first appealing to Miss Murdstone; or without
having first ascertained by some sure means; what Miss
Murdstone’s opinion was; and I never saw Miss Murdstone; when
out of temper (she was infirm that way); move her hand towards
her bag as if she were going to take out the keys and offer to resign
them to my mother; without seeing that my mother was in a
terrible fright。
The gloomy taint that was in the Murdstone blood; darkened
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
the Murdstone religion; which was austere and wrathful。 I have
thought; since; that its assuming that character was a necessary
consequence of Mr。 Murdstone’s firmness; which wouldn’t allow
him to let anybody off from the utmost weight of the severest
penalties he could find any excuse for。 Be this as it may; I well
remember the tremendous visages with which we used to go to
church; and the changed air of the place。 Again; the dreaded
Sunday comes round; and I file into the old pew first; like a
guarded captive brought to a condemned service。 Again; Miss
Murdstone; in a black velvet gown; that looks as if it had been
made out of a pall; follows close upon me; then my mother; then
her husband。 There is no Peggotty now; as in the old time。 Again; I
listen to Miss Murdstone mumbling the responses; and
emphasizing all the dread words with a cruel relish。 Again; I see
her dark eyes roll round the church when she says ‘miserable
sinners’; as if she were calling all the congregation names。 Again; I
catch rare glimpses of my mother; moving her lips timidly between
the two; with one of them muttering at each ear like low thunder。
Again; I wonder with a sudden fear whether it is likely that our
good old clergyman can be wrong; and Mr。 and Miss Murdstone
right; and that all the angels in Heaven can be destroying angels。
Again; if I move a finger or relax a muscle of my face; Miss
Murdstone pokes me with her prayer…book; and makes my side
ache。
Yes; and again; as we walk home; I note some neighbours
looking at my mother and at me; and whispering。 Again; as the
three go on arm…in…arm; and I linger behind alone; I follow some of
those looks; and wonder if my mother’s step be really not so light
as I have seen it; and if the gaiety of her beauty be really almost
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
worried away。 Again; I wonder whether any of the neighbours call
to mind; as I do; how we used to walk home together; she and I;
and I wonder stupidly about that; all the dreary dismal day。
There had been some talk on occasions of my going to
boarding…school。 Mr。 and Miss Murdstone had originated it; and
my mother had of course agreed with them。 Nothing; however;
was concluded on the subject yet。 In the meantime; I learnt
lessons at home。 Shall I ever forget those lessons! They were
presided over nominally by my mother; but really by Mr。
Murdstone and his sister; who were always present; and found
them a favourable occasion for giving my mother lessons in that
miscalled firmness; which was the bane of both our lives。 I believe
I was kept at home for that purpose。 I had been apt enough to
learn; and willing enough; when my mother and I had lived alone
together。 I can faintly remember learning the alphabet at her
knee。 To this day; when I look upon the fat black letters in the
primer; the puzzling novelty of their shapes; and the easy good…
nature of O and Q and S; seem to present themselves again before
me as they used to do。 But they recall no feeling of disgust or
reluctance。 On the contrary; I seem to have walked along a path of
flowers as far as the crocodile…book; and to have been cheered by
the gentleness of my mother’s voice and manner all the way。 But
these solemn lessons which succeeded those; I remember as the
death…blow of my peace; and a grievous daily drudgery and
misery。 They were very long; very numerous; very hard—perfectly
unintelligible; some of them; to me—and I was generally as much
bewildered by them as I believe my poor mother was herself。
Let me remember how it used to be; and bring one morning
back again。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
I come into the second…best parlour after breakfast; with my
books; and an exercise…book; and a slate。 My mother is ready for
me at her writing…desk; but not half so ready as Mr。 Murdstone in
his easy…chair by the window (though he pretends to be reading a
book); or as Miss Murdstone; sitting near my mother stringing
steel beads。 The very sight of these two has such an influence over
me; that I begin to feel the words I have been at infinite pains to
get into my head; all sliding away; and going I don’t know where。 I
wonder where they do go; by the by?
I hand the first book to my mother。 Perhaps it is a grammar;
perhaps a history; or geography。 I take a last drowning look at the
page as I give it into her hand; and start off aloud at a racing pace
while I have got it fresh。 I trip over a word。 Mr。 Murdstone looks
up。 I trip over another word。 Miss Murdstone looks up。 I redden;
tumble over half…a…dozen words; and stop。 I think my mother
would show me the book if she dared; but she does not dare; and
she says softly:
‘Oh; Davy; Davy!’
‘Now; Clara;’ says Mr。 Murdstone; ‘be firm with the boy。 Don’t
say; “Oh; Davy; Davy!” That’s childish。 He knows his lesson; or he
does not know it。’
‘He does not know it;’ Miss Murdstone interposes awfully。
‘I am really afraid he does not;’ says my mother。
‘Then; you see; Clara;’ returns Miss Murdstone; ‘you should just
give him the book back; and make him know it。’
‘Yes; certainly;’ says my mother; ‘that is what I intend to do; my
dear Jane。 Now; Davy; try once more; and don’t be stupid。’
I obey the first clause of the injunction by trying once more; but
am not so successful with the second; for I am very stupid。 I
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
tumble down before I get to the old place; at a point where I was
all right before; and sto