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weigh lighter than any feather。 But I might—I might—if this silly
business were not completely relinquished altogether； be induced
in some anxious moment to guard her from； and surround her
with protections against； the consequences of any foolish step in
the way of marriage。 Now； Mr。 Copperfield； I hope that you will
not render it necessary for me to open； even for a quarter of an
hour； that closed page in the book of life； and unsettle； even for a
quarter of an hour； grave affairs long since composed。’
There was a serenity； a tranquillity； a calm sunset air about
him； which quite affected me。 He was so peaceful and resigned—
clearly had his affairs in such perfect train； and so systematically
wound up—that he was a man to feel touched in the
contemplation of。 I really think I saw tears rise to his eyes； from
the depth of his own feeling of all this。
But what could I do？ I could not deny Dora and my own heart。
When he told me I had better take a week to consider of what he
had said； how could I say I wouldn’t take a week； yet how could I
fail to know that no amount of weeks could influence such love as
mine？
‘In the meantime； confer with Miss Trotwood； or with any
person with any knowledge of life；’ said Mr。 Spenlow； adjusting his
cravat with both hands。 ‘Take a week； Mr。 Copperfield。’
I submitted； and； with a countenance as expressive as I was
able to make it of dejected and despairing constancy； came out of
the room。 Miss Murdstone’s heavy eyebrows followed me to the
door—I say her eyebrows rather than her eyes； because they were
much more important in her face—and she looked so exactly as
she used to look； at about that hour of the morning； in our parlour
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David Copperfield
at Blunderstone； that I could have fancied I had been breaking
down in my lessons again； and that the dead weight on my mind
was that horrible old spelling…book； with oval woodcuts； shaped； to
my youthful fancy； like the glasses out of spectacles。
When I got to the office； and； shutting out old Tiffey and the
rest of them with my hands； sat at my desk； in my own particular
nook； thinking of this earthquake that had taken place so
unexpectedly； and in the bitterness of my spirit cursing Jip； I fell
into such a state of torment about Dora； that I wonder I did not
take up my hat and rush insanely to Norwood。 The idea of their
frightening her； and making her cry； and of my not being there to
comfort her； was so excruciating； that it impelled me to write a
wild letter to Mr。 Spenlow； beseeching him not to visit upon her
the consequences of my awful destiny。 I implored him to spare her
gentle nature—not to crush a fragile flower—and addressed him
generally； to the best of my remembrance； as if； instead of being
her father； he had been an Ogre； or the Dragon of Wantley。 This
letter I sealed and laid upon his desk before he returned； and
when he came in； I saw him； through the half…opened door of his
room； take it up and read it。
He said nothing about it all the morning； but before he went
away in the afternoon he called me in； and told me that I need not
make myself at all uneasy about his daughter’s happiness。 He had
assured her； he said； that it was all nonsense； and he had nothing
more to say to her。 He believed he was an indulgent father （as
indeed he was）； and I might spare myself any solicitude on her
account。
‘You may make it necessary； if you are foolish or obstinate； Mr。
Copperfield；’ he observed； ‘for me to send my daughter abroad
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David Copperfield
again； for a term； but I have a better opinion of you。 I hope you will
be wiser than that； in a few days。 As to Miss Murdstone；’ for I had
alluded to her in the letter； ‘I respect that lady’s vigilance； and feel
obliged to her； but she has strict charge to avoid the subject。 All I
desire； Mr。 Copperfield； is； that it should be forgotten。 All you have
got to do； Mr。 Copperfield； is to forget it。’
All！ In the note I wrote to Miss Mills； I bitterly quoted this
sentiment。 All I had to do； I said； with gloomy sarcasm； was to
forget Dora。 That was all； and what was that！ I entreated Miss
Mills to see me； that evening。 If it could not be done with Mr。
Mills’s sanction and concurrence； I besought a clandestine
interview in the back kitchen where the Mangle was。 I informed
her that my reason was tottering on its throne； and only she； Miss
Mills； could prevent its being deposed。 I signed myself； hers
distractedly； and I couldn’t help feeling； while I read this
composition over； before sending it by a porter； that it was
something in the style of Mr。 Micawber。
However； I sent it。 At night I repaired to Miss Mills’s street； and
walked up and down； until I was stealthily fetched in by Miss
Mills’s maid； and taken the area way to the back kitchen。 I have
since seen reason to believe that there was nothing on earth to
prevent my going in at the front door； and being shown up into the
drawing…room； except Miss Mills’s love of the romantic and
mysterious。
In the back kitchen； I raved as became me。 I went there； I
suppose； to make a fool of myself； and I am quite sure I did it。 Miss
Mills had received a hasty note from Dora； telling her that all was
discovered； and saying。 ‘Oh pray come to me； Julia； do； do！’ But
Miss Mills； mistrusting the acceptability of her presence to the
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
higher powers； had not yet gone； and we were all benighted in the
Desert of Sahara。
Miss Mills had a wonderful flow of words； and liked to pour
them out。 I could not help feeling； though she mingled her tears
with mine； that she had a dreadful luxury in our afflictions。 She
petted them； as I may say； and made the most of them。 A deep
gulf； she observed； had opened between Dora and me； and Love
could only span it with its rainbow。 Love must suffer in this stern
world； it ever had been so； it ever would be so。 No matter； Miss
Mills remarked。 Hearts confined by cobwebs would burst at last；
and then Love was avenged。
This was small consolation； but Miss Mills wouldn’t encourage
fallacious hopes。 She made me much more wretched than I was
before； and I felt （and told her with the deepest gratitude） that she
was indeed a friend。 We resolved that she should go to Dora the
first thing in the morning； and find some means of assuring her；
either by looks or words； of my devotion and misery。 We parted；
overwhelmed with grief； and I think Miss Mills enjoyed herself
completely。
I confided all to my aunt when I got home； and in spite of all she
could say to me； went to bed despairing。 I got up despairing； and
went out despairing。 It was Saturday morning； and I went straight
to the Commons。
I was surprised； when I came within sight of our office…door； to
see the ticket…porters standing outside talking together； and some
half…dozen stragglers gazing at the windows which were shut up。 I
quickened my pace； and； passing among them； wondering