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brains against—against mantelpieces；’ said my aunt； an idea
which was probably suggested to her by her contemplation of
mine。
‘Poor Emily！’ said I。
‘Oh； don’t talk to me about poor；’ returned my aunt。 ‘She
should have thought of that； before she caused so much misery！
Give me a kiss； Trot。 I am sorry for your early experience。’
As I bent forward； she put her tumbler on my knee to detain
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
me； and said：
‘Oh； Trot； Trot！ And so you fancy yourself in love！ Do you？’
‘Fancy； aunt！’ I exclaimed； as red as I could be。 ‘I adore her
with my whole soul！’
‘Dora； indeed！’ returned my aunt。 ‘And you mean to say the
little thing is very fascinating； I suppose？’
‘My dear aunt；’ I replied； ‘no one can form the least idea what
she is！’
‘Ah！ And not silly？’ said my aunt。
‘Silly； aunt！’
I seriously believe it had never once entered my head for a
single moment； to consider whether she was or not。 I resented the
idea； of course； but I was in a manner struck by it； as a new one
altogether。
‘Not light…headed？’ said my aunt。
‘Light…headed； aunt！’ I could only repeat this daring speculation
with the same kind of feeling with which I had repeated the
preceding question。
‘Well； well！’ said my aunt。 ‘I only ask。 I don’t depreciate her。
Poor little couple！ And so you think you were formed for one
another； and are to go through a party…supper…table kind of life；
like two pretty pieces of confectionery； do you； Trot？’
She asked me this so kindly； and with such a gentle air； half
playful and half sorrowful； that I was quite touched。
‘We are young and inexperienced； aunt； I know；’ I replied； ‘and
I dare say we say and think a good deal that is rather foolish。 But
we love one another truly； I am sure。 If I thought Dora could ever
love anybody else； or cease to love me； or that I could ever love
anybody else； or cease to love her； I don’t know what I should do—
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
go out of my mind； I think！’
‘Ah； Trot！’ said my aunt； shaking her head； and smiling gravely；
‘blind； blind； blind！’
‘Someone that I know； Trot；’ my aunt pursued； after a pause；
‘though of a very pliant disposition； has an earnestness of affection
in him that reminds me of poor Baby。 Earnestness is what that
Somebody must look for； to sustain him and improve him； Trot。
Deep； downright； faithful earnestness。’
‘If you only knew the earnestness of Dora； aunt！’ I cried。
‘Oh； Trot！’ she said again； ‘blind； blind！’ and without knowing
why； I felt a vague unhappy loss or want of something overshadow
me like a cloud。
‘However；’ said my aunt； ‘I don’t want to put two young
creatures out of conceit with themselves； or to make them
unhappy； so； though it is a girl and boy attachment； and girl and
boy attachments very often—mind！ I don’t say always！—come to
nothing； still we’ll be serious about it； and hope for a prosperous
issue one of these days。 There’s time enough for it to come to
anything！’
This was not upon the whole very comforting to a rapturous
lover； but I was glad to have my aunt in my confidence； and I was
mindful of her being fatigued。 So I thanked her ardently for this
mark of her affection； and for all her other kindnesses towards me；
and after a tender good night； she took her nightcap into my
bedroom。
How miserable I was； when I lay down！ How I thought and
thought about my being poor； in Mr。 Spenlow’s eyes； about my not
being what I thought I was； when I proposed to Dora； about the
chivalrous necessity of telling Dora what my worldly condition
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David Copperfield
was； and releasing her from her engagement if she thought fit；
about how I should contrive to live； during the long term of my
articles； when I was earning nothing； about doing something to
assist my aunt； and seeing no way of doing anything； about coming
down to have no money in my pocket； and to wear a shabby coat；
and to be able to carry Dora no little presents； and to ride no
gallant greys； and to show myself in no agreeable light！ Sordid
and selfish as I knew it was； and as I tortured myself by knowing
that it was； to let my mind run on my own distress so much； I was
so devoted to Dora that I could not help it。 I knew that it was base
in me not to think more of my aunt； and less of myself； but； so far；
selfishness was inseparable from Dora； and I could not put Dora
on one side for any mortal creature。 How exceedingly miserable I
was； that night！
As to sleep； I had dreams of poverty in all sorts of shapes； but I
seemed to dream without the previous ceremony of going to sleep。
Now I was ragged； wanting to sell Dora matches； six bundles for a
halfpenny； now I was at the office in a nightgown and boots；
remonstrated with by Mr。 Spenlow on appearing before the clients
in that airy attire； now I was hungrily picking up the crumbs that
fell from old Tiffey’s daily biscuit； regularly eaten when St。 Paul’s
struck one； now I was hopelessly endeavouring to get a licence to
marry Dora； having nothing but one of Uriah Heep’s gloves to
offer in exchange； which the whole Commons rejected； and still；
more or less conscious of my own room； I was always tossing about
like a distressed ship in a sea of bed…clothes。
My aunt was restless； too； for I frequently heard her walking to
and fro。 Two or three times in the course of the night； attired in a
long flannel wrapper in which she looked seven feet high； she
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appeared； like a disturbed ghost； in my room； and came to the side
of the sofa on which I lay。 On the first occasion I started up in
alarm； to learn that she inferred from a particular light in the sky；
that Westminster Abbey was on fire； and to be consulted in
reference to the probability of its igniting Buckingham Street； in
case the wind changed。 Lying still； after that； I found that she sat
down near me； whispering to herself ‘Poor boy！’ And then it made
me twenty times more wretched； to know how unselfishly mindful
she was of me； and how selfishly mindful I was of myself。
It was difficult to believe that a night so long to me； could be
short to anybody else。 This consideration set me thinking and
thinking of an imaginary party where people were dancing the
hours away； until that became a dream too； and I heard the music
incessantly playing one tune； and saw Dora incessantly dancing
one dance； without taking the least notice of me。 The man who
had been playing the harp all night； was trying in vain to cover it
with an ordinary…sized nightcap； when I awoke； or I should rather
say； when I left off trying to go to sleep； and saw the sun shining in
through the window at last。
There was an old Roman bath in those days at the bottom of
one of the streets out of the Strand—it may be there still—in
which I have had many a cold plunge。 Dressing myself as quietly
as I c