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myself and for your friend Traddles； in whom I have an unaffected
interest。 You may； perhaps； be prepared to hear that Mrs。
Micawber is in a state of health which renders it not wholly
improbable that an addition may be ultimately made to those
pledges of affection which—in short； to the infantine group。 Mrs。
Micawber’s family have been so good as to express their
dissatisfaction at this state of things。 I have merely to observe； that
I am not aware that it is any business of theirs； and that I repel
that exhibition of feeling with scorn； and with defiance！’
Mr。 Micawber then shook hands with me again； and left me。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
Chapter 28
Mr。 MICAWBER’S GAUNTLET
Until the day arrived on which I was to entertain my
newly…found old friends； I lived principally on Dora and
coffee。 In my love…lorn condition； my appetite
languished； and I was glad of it； for I felt as though it would have
been an act of perfidy towards Dora to have a natural relish for my
dinner。 The quantity of walking exercise I took； was not in this
respect attended with its usual consequence； as the
disappointment counteracted the fresh air。 I have my doubts； too；
founded on the acute experience acquired at this period of my life；
whether a sound enjoyment of animal food can develop itself
freely in any human subject who is always in torment from tight
boots。 I think the extremities require to be at peace before the
stomach will conduct itself with vigour。
On the occasion of this domestic little party； I did not repeat my
former extensive preparations。 I merely provided a pair of soles； a
small leg of mutton； and a pigeon…pie。 Mrs。 Crupp broke out into
rebellion on my first bashful hint in reference to the cooking of the
fish and joint； and said； with a dignified sense of injury； ‘No！ No；
sir！ You will not ask me sich a thing； for you are better acquainted
with me than to suppose me capable of doing what I cannot do
with ampial satisfaction to my own feelings！’ But； in the end； a
compromise was effected； and Mrs。 Crupp consented to achieve
this feat； on condition that I dined from home for a fortnight
afterwards。
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
And here I may remark； that what I underwent from Mrs。
Crupp； in consequence of the tyranny she established over me；
was dreadful。 I never was so much afraid of anyone。 We made a
compromise of everything。 If I hesitated； she was taken with that
wonderful disorder which was always lying in ambush in her
system； ready； at the shortest notice； to prey upon her vitals。 If I
rang the bell impatiently； after half…a…dozen unavailing modest
pulls； and she appeared at last—which was not by any means to be
relied upon—she would appear with a reproachful aspect； sink
breathless on a chair near the door； lay her hand upon her
nankeen bosom； and become so ill； that I was glad； at any sacrifice
of brandy or anything else； to get rid of her。 If I objected to having
my bed made at five o’clock in the afternoon—which I do still
think an uncomfortable arrangement—one motion of her hand
towards the same nankeen region of wounded sensibility was
enough to make me falter an apology。 In short； I would have done
anything in an honourable way rather than give Mrs。 Crupp
offence； and she was the terror of my life。
I bought a second…hand dumb…waiter for this dinner…party； in
preference to re…engaging the handy young man； against whom I
had conceived a prejudice； in consequence of meeting him in the
Strand； one Sunday morning； in a waistcoat remarkably like one
of mine； which had been missing since the former occasion。 The
‘young gal’ was re…engaged； but on the stipulation that she should
only bring in the dishes； and then withdraw to the landing…place；
beyond the outer door； where a habit of sniffing she had
contracted would be lost upon the guests； and where her retiring
on the plates would be a physical impossibility。
Having laid in the materials for a bowl of punch； to be
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David Copperfield 563
compounded by Mr。 Micawber； having provided a bottle of
lavender…water； two wax…candles； a paper of mixed pins； and a
pincushion； to assist Mrs。 Micawber in her toilette at my dressing…
table； having also caused the fire in my bedroom to be lighted for
Mrs。 Micawber’s convenience； and having laid the cloth with my
own hands； I awaited the result with composure。
At the appointed time； my three visitors arrived together。 Mr。
Micawber with more shirt…collar than usual； and a new ribbon to
his eye…glass； Mrs。 Micawber with her cap in a whitey…brown
paper parcel； Traddles carrying the parcel； and supporting Mrs。
Micawber on his arm。 They were all delighted with my residence。
When I conducted Mrs。 Micawber to my dressing…table； and she
saw the scale on which it was prepared for her； she was in such
raptures； that she called Mr。 Micawber to come in and look。
‘My dear Copperfield；’ said Mr。 Micawber； ‘this is luxurious。
This is a way of life which reminds me of the period when I was
myself in a state of celibacy； and Mrs。 Micawber had not yet been
solicited to plight her faith at the Hymeneal altar。’
‘He means； solicited by him； Mr。 Copperfield；’ said Mrs。
Micawber； archly。 ‘He cannot answer for others。’
‘My dear；’ returned Mr。 Micawber with sudden seriousness； ‘I
have no desire to answer for others。 I am too well aware that
when； in the inscrutable decrees of Fate； you were reserved for
me； it is possible you may have been reserved for one； destined；
after a protracted struggle； at length to fall a victim to pecuniary
involvements of a complicated nature。 I understand your allusion；
my love。 I regret it； but I can bear it。’
‘Micawber！’ exclaimed Mrs。 Micawber； in tears。 ‘Have I
deserved this！ I； who never have deserted you； who never WILL
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
desert you； Micawber！’
‘My love；’ said Mr。 Micawber； much affected； ‘you will forgive；
and our old and tried friend Copperfield will； I am sure； forgive；
the momentary laceration of a wounded spirit； made sensitive by a
recent collision with the Minion of Power—in other words； with a
ribald Turncock attached to the water…works—and will pity； not
condemn； its excesses。’
Mr。 Micawber then embraced Mrs。 Micawber； and pressed my
hand； leaving me to infer from this broken allusion that his
domestic supply of water had been cut off that afternoon； in
consequence of default in the payment of the company’s rates。
To divert his thoughts from this melancholy subject； I informed
Mr。 Micawber that I relied upon him for a bowl of punch； and led
him to the lemons。 His recent despondency； not to say despair；
was gone in a moment。 I never saw a man so thoroughly enjoy
himself amid the fragrance of lemon…peel and sugar； the odour of
burning rum； and the steam of boiling water； as Mr。 Micawber did
that afternoon。 It was wonderful to see his face shining at us out of
a thin