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speak； as a handle for our love…making； which was carried on in an
inferential rather than a direct fashion。 Were they saying that we were
lovers？ Delightful！ We laughed at one another in the sunshine。。。。 At
last we achieved the great adventure of a clandestine meeting and went
for a walk in the afternoon； avoiding the houses of our friends。 I've
forgotten which of us had the boldness to propose it。 The crocuses and
tulips had broken the black mould； the flower beds in the front yards
were beginning to blaze with scarlet and yellow； the lawns had turned a
living green。 What did we talk about？ The substance has vanished； only
the flavour remains。
One awoke of a morning to the twittering of birds； to walk to school
amidst delicate； lace…like shadows of great trees acloud with old gold：
the buds lay curled like tiny feathers on the pavements。 Suddenly the
shade was dense； the sunlight white and glaring； the odour of lilacs
heavy in the air； spring in all its fulness had come；spring and Nancy。
Just so subtly； yet with the same seeming suddenness had budded and come
to leaf and flower a perfect understanding ；which nevertheless remained
undefined。 This； I had no doubt； was my fault； and due to the
incomprehensible shyness her presence continued to inspire。 Although we
did not altogether abandon our secret trysts； we began to meet in more
natural ways； there were garden parties and picnics where we strayed
together through the woods and fields； pausing to tear off； one by one；
the petals of a daisy； 〃She loves me； she loves me not。〃 I never
ventured to kiss her； I always thought afterwards I might have done so；
she had seemed so willing； her eyes had shone so expectantly as I sat
beside her on the grass； nor can I tell why I desired to kiss her save
that this was the traditional thing to do to the lady one loved。 To be
sure； the very touch of her hand was galvanic。 Paradoxically； I saw the
human side of her； the yielding gentleness that always amazed me； yet I
never overcame my awe of the divine； she was a being sacrosanct。 Whether
this idealism were innate or the result of such romances as I had read I
cannot say。。。。 I got； indeed； an avowal of a sort。 The weekly dancing
classes having begun again； on one occasion when she had waltzed twice
with Gene Hollister I protested。
〃Don't be silly； Hugh；〃 she whispered。 〃Of course I like you better than
anyone elseyou ought to know that。〃
We never got to the word 〃love；〃 but we knew the feeling。
One cloud alone flung its shadow across these idyllic days。 Before I was
fully aware of it I had drawn very near to the first great junction…point
of my life； my graduation from Densmore Academy。 We were to 〃change
cars；〃 in the language of Principal Haime。 Well enough for the fortunate
ones who were to continue the academic journey； which implied a
postponement of the serious business of life； but month after month of
the last term had passed without a hint from my father that I was to
change cars。 Again and again I almost succeeded in screwing up my
courage to the point of mentioning college to him；never quite； his
manner； though kind and calm； somehow strengthened my suspicion that I
had been judged and found wanting； and doomed to 〃business〃： galley
slavery； I deemed it； humdrum； prosaic； degrading！ When I thought of it
at night I experienced almost a frenzy of self…pity。 My father couldn't
intend to do that； just because my monthly reports hadn't always been
what he thought they ought to be！ Gene Hollister's were no better； if as
good； and he was going to Princeton。 Was I； Hugh Paret； to be denied the
distinction of being a college man； the delights of university existence；
cruelly separated and set apart from my friends whom I loved！ held up to
the world and especially to Nancy Willett as good for nothing else！ The
thought was unbearable。 Characteristically； I hoped against hope。
I have mentioned garden parties。 One of our annual institutions was Mrs。
Willett's children's party in May； for the Willett house had a garden
that covered almost a quarter of a block。 Mrs。 Willett loved children；
the greatest regret of her life being that providence had denied her a
large family。 As far back as my memory goes she had been something of an
invalid； she had a sweet； sad face； and delicate hands so thin as to seem
almost transparent； and she always sat in a chair under the great tree on
the lawn； smiling at us as we soared to dizzy heights in the swing； or
played croquet； or scurried through the paths； and in and out of the
latticed summer…house with shrieks of laughter and terror。 It all ended
with a feast at a long table made of sawhorses and boards covered with a
white cloth； and when the cake was cut there was wild excitement as to
who would get the ring and who the thimble。
We were more decorous； or rather more awkward now； and the party began
with a formal period when the boys gathered in a group and pretended
indifference to the girls。 The girls were cleverer at it； and actually
achieved the impression that they were indifferent。 We kept an eye on
them； uneasily； while we talked。 To be in Nancy's presence and not alone
with Nancy was agonizing； and I wondered at a sang…froid beyond my power
to achieve； accused her of coldness； my sufferings being the greater
because she seemed more beautiful； daintier； more irreproachable than I
had ever seen her。 Even at that early age she gave evidence of the
social gift； and it was due to her efforts that we forgot our best
clothes and our newly born self…consciousness。 When I begged her to slip
away with me among the currant bushes she whispered：
〃I can't； Hugh。 I'm the hostess； you know。〃
I had gone there in a flutter of anticipation； but nothing went right
that day。 There was dancing in the big rooms that looked out on the
garden； the only girl with whom I cared to dance was Nancy； and she was
busy finding partners for the backward members of both sexes； though she
was my partner； to be sure； when it all wound up with a Virginia reel on
the lawn。 Then； at supper； to cap the climax of untoward incidents； an
animated discussion was begun as to the relative merits of the various
colleges； the girls； too； taking sides。 Mac Willett； Nancy's cousin； was
going to Yale； Gene Hollister to Princeton； the Ewan boys to our State
University； while Perry Blackwood and Ralph Hambleton and Ham Durrett
were destined for Harvard； Tom Peters； also； though he was not to
graduate from the Academy for another year。 I might have known that
Ralph would have suspected my misery。 He sat triumphantly next to Nancy
herself； while I had been told off to entertain the faithful Sophy。
Noticing my silence； he demanded wickedly：
〃Where are you going； Hugh？〃
〃Harvard； I think；〃 I answered with as bold a front as I could muster。
〃I haven't talked it over with my father yet。〃 It was intolerable to
admit that I of them all was to be left behind。
Nancy looked at me in surprise。 She was always downright。
〃Oh； Hugh； doesn't your father mean to put you in business？〃 she
exclaimed。
A hot flush spread over my face。 Even to her I had