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degrees directs the symmetry； sets aside the skeleton and digestive tract
and supervises the structure？
I took up the second book； that on the philosophy of the
organism； to read in its preface that a much…to…be…honoured
British nobleman had established a foundation of lectures in a Scotch
University for forwarding the study of a Natural Theology。 The term
possessed me。 Unlike the old theology woven of myths and a fanciful
philosophy of the decadent period of Greece； natural theology was founded
on science itself； and scientists were among those who sought to develop
it。 Here was a synthesis that made a powerful appeal； one of the many
signs and portents of a new era of which I was dimly becoming cognizant；
and now that I looked for signs； I found them everywhere； in my young
Doctor； in Krebs； in references in the texts； indications of a new order
beginning to make itself felt in a muddled； chaotic human world； which
mightwhich must have a parallel with the order that revealed itself in
the egg！ Might not both； physical and social； be due to the influence of
the same invisible； experimenting； creating Hand？
My thoughts lingered lovingly on this theology so well named 〃natural；〃
on its conscientiousness； its refusal to affirm what it did not prove； on
its lack of dogmatic dictums and infallible revelations； yet it gave me
the vision of a new sanction whereby man might order his life； a sanction
from which was eliminated fear and superstition and romantic hope； a
sanction whose doctrinesunlike those of the sentimental theologydid
not fly in the face of human instincts and needs。 Nor was it a theology
devoid of inspiration and poetry； though poetry might be called its
complement。 With all that was beautiful and true in the myths dear to
mankind it did not conflict； annulling only the vicious dogmatism of
literal interpretation。 In this connection I remembered something that
Krebs had saidin our talk about poetry and art；that these were
emotion； religion expressed by the tools reason had evolved。 Music； he
had declared； came nearest to the cry of the human soul。。。。
That theology cleared for faith an open road； made of faith a reasonable
thing； yet did not rob it of a sense of high adventure； cleansed it of
the taints of thrift and selfish concern。 In this reaffirmation of
vitalism there might be a future； yes； an individual future； yet it was
far from the smug conception of salvation。 Here was a faith conferred by
the freedom of truth； a faith that lost and regained itself in life； it
was dynamic in its operation； for； as Lessing said； the searching after
truth； and not its possession； gives happiness to man。 In the words of
an American scientist； taken from his book on Heredity； 〃The evolutionary
idea has forced man to consider the probable future of his own race on
earth and to take measures to control that future； a matter he had
previously left largely to fate。〃
Here indeed was another sign of the times； to find in a strictly
scientific work a sentence truly religious！ As I continued to read these
works； I found them suffused with religion； religion of a kind and
quality I had not imagined。 The birthright of the spirit of man was
freedom； freedom to experiment； to determine； to createto create
himself； to create society in the image of God！ Spiritual creation the
function of cooperative man through the coming ages； the task that was to
make him divine。 Here indeed was the germ of a new sanction； of a new
motive； of a new religion that strangely harmonized with the concepts of
the oldonce the dynamic power of these was revealed。
I had been thinking of my familyof my family in terms of Matthewand
yet with a growing yearning that embraced them all。 I had not informed
Maude of my illness； and I had managed to warn Tom Peters not to do so。
I had simply written her that after the campaign I had gone for a rest to
California； yet in her letters to me； after this information had reached
her； I detected a restrained anxiety and affection that troubled me。
Sequences of words curiously convey meanings and implications that
transcend their literal sense； true thoughts and feelings are difficult
to disguise even in written speech。 Could it be possible after all that
had happened that Maude still loved me？ I continually put the thought
away from me； but continually it returned to haunt me。 Suppose Maude
could not help loving me； in spite of my weaknesses and faults； even as I
loved Nancy in spite of hers？ Love is no logical thing。
It was Matthew I wanted； Matthew of whom I thought； and trivial； long…
forgotten incidents of the past kept recurring to me constantly。 I still
received his weekly letters； but he did not ask why； since I had taken a
vacation； I had not come over to them。 He represented the medium； the
link between Maude and me that no estrangement； no separation could
break。
All this new vision of mine was for him； for the coming generation； the
soil in which it must be sown； the Americans of the future。 And who so
well as Matthew； sensitive yet brave； would respond to it？ I wished not
only to give him what I had begun to grasp； to study with him； to be his
companion and friend； but to spare him； if possible； some of my own
mistakes and sufferings and punishments。 But could I go back？ Happy
coincidences of desires and convictions had been so characteristic of
that other self I had been struggling to cast off： I had so easily been
persuaded； when I had had a chance of getting Nancy； that it was the
right thing to do！ And now； in my loneliness； was I not growing just as
eager to be convinced that it was my duty to go back to the family which
in the hour of self…sufficiency I had cast off？ I had believed in
divorce thenwhy not now？ Well； I still believed in it。 I had thought
of a union with Nancy as something that would bring about the 〃self…
realization that springs from the gratification of a great passion；〃an
appealing phrase I had read somewhere。 But； it was at least a favourable
symptom that I was willing now to confess that the 〃self…realization〃 had
been a secondary and sentimental consideration； a rosy； self…created halo
to give a moral and religious sanction to my desire。 Was I not trying to
do that very thing now？ It tortured me to think so； I strove to achieve
a detached consideration of the problem；to arrive at length at a
thought that seemed illuminating： that the it wrongness〃 or 〃rightness；〃
utility and happiness of all such unions depend upon whether or not they
become a part of the woof and warp of the social fabric； in other words；
whether the gratification of any particular love by divorce and
remarriage does or does not tend to destroy a portion of that fabric。
Nancy certainly would have been justified in divorce。 It did not seem in
the retrospect that I would have been： surely not if； after I had married
Nancy； I had developed this view of life that seemed to me to be the true
view。 I should have been powerless to act upon it。 But the chances were
I should not have developed it； since it would seem that any salvation
for me at least must come precisely through suffe