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〃Crowds flock to hear Paret。〃 As a matter of fact； the crowds did flock；
but I never quite knew as I looked down from platforms on seas of faces
how much of the flocking was spontaneous。 Much of it was so； since the
struggle had then become sufficiently dramatic to appeal to the larger
public imagination that is but occasionally waked； on the other hand； the
magic of advertising cannot be underestimated； nor must the existence be
ignored of an organized corps of shepherds under the vigilant direction
of Mr。 Judd Jason； whose duty it was to see that none of our meetings was
lacking in numbers and enthusiasm。 There was always a demonstrative
gathering overflowing the sidewalk in front of the entrance； swaying and
cheering in the light of the street lamps； and on the floor within an
ample scattering of suspiciously bleary…eyed voters to start the stamping
and applauding。 In spite of these known facts； the impression of
popularity； of repudiation of reform by a large majority of level…headed
inhabitants had reassuring and reenforcing effects。
Astute citizens； spectators of the frayif indeed there were anymight
have remarked an unique and significant feature of that campaign： that
the usual recriminations between the two great parties were lacking。 Mr。
Parks； the Republican candidate； did not denounce Mr。 MacGuire； the
Democratic candidate。 Republican and Democratic speakers alike expended
their breath in lashing Mr。 Krebs and the Citizens Union。
It is difficult to record the fluctuations of my spirit。 When I was in
the halls； speaking or waiting to speak； I reacted to that phenomenon
known as mob psychology； I became self…confident； even exhilarated； and
in those earlier speeches I managed； I think； to strike the note for
which I strovethe judicial note； suitable to a lawyer of weight and
prominence； of deprecation rather than denunciation。 I sought to embody
and voice a fine and calm sanity at a time when everyone else seemed in
danger of losing their heads； and to a large extent achieved it。 I had
known Mr。 Krebs for more than twenty years； and while I did not care to
criticise a fellow…member of the bar； I would go so far as to say that he
was visionary； that the changes he proposed in government would； if
adopted； have grave and far…reaching results： we could not； for instance；
support in idleness those who refused to do their share of the work of
the world。 Mr。 Krebs was well…meaning。 I refrained from dwelling too
long upon him； passing to Mr。 Greenhalge； also well…meaning； but a man of
mediocre ability who would make a mess of the government of a city which
would one day rival New York and Chicago。 （Loud cheers。） And I pointed
out that Mr。 Perry Blackwood had been unable to manage the affairs of the
Boyne Street road。 Such men； well…intentioned though they might be； were
hindrances to progress。 This led me naturally to a discussion of the
Riverside Franchise and the Traction Consolidation。 I was one of those
whose honesty and good faith had been arraigned； but I would not stoop to
refute the accusations。 I dwelt upon the benefits to the city； uniform
service； electricity and large comfortable cars instead of rattletrap
conveyances； and the development of a large and growing population in the
Riverside neighbourhood： the continual extension of lines to suburban
districts that enabled hard…worked men to live out of the smoke： I called
attention to the system of transfers； the distance a passenger might be
conveyed； and conveyed quickly； for the sum of five cents。 I spoke of
our capitalists as men more sinned against than sinning。 Their money was
always at the service of enterprises tending to the development of our
metropolis。
When I was not in the meetings； however； and especially when in my room
at night； I was continually trying to fight off a sense of loneliness
that seemed to threaten to overwhelm me。 I wanted to be alone； and yet I
feared to be。 I was aware； in spite of their congratulations on my
efforts； of a growing dislike for my associates； and in the appalling
emptiness of the moments when my depression was greatest I was forced to
the realization that I had no disinterested friendnot onein whom I
could confide。 Nancy had failed me； I had scarcely seen Tom Peters that
winter； and it was out of the question to go to him。 For the third time
in my life； and in the greatest crisis of all； I was feeling the need of
Something； of some sustaining and impelling Power that must be presented
humanly； possessing sympathy and understanding and love。。。。 I think I
had a glimpse just a pathetic glimpseof what the Church might be of
human solidarity； comfort and support； of human tolerance； if stripped of
the superstition of an ancient science。 My tortures weren't of the
flesh； but of the mind。 My mind was the sheep which had gone astray。
Was there no such thing； could there be no such thing as a human
association that might at the same time be a divine organism； a fold and
a refuge for the lost and divided minds？ The source of all this trouble
was social。。。。
Then toward the end of that last campaign week； madness suddenly came
upon me。 I know now how near the breaking point I was； but the immediate
cause of my 〃flying to pieces〃to use a vivid expressionwas a speech
made by Guptill； one of the Citizens Union candidates for alderman； a
young man of a radical type not uncommon in these days； though new to my
experience： an educated man in the ultra…radical sense； yet lacking poise
and perspective； with a certain brilliance and assurance。 He was a
journalist； a correspondent of some Eastern newspapers and periodicals。
In this speech； which was reported to mefor it did not get into the
newspapersI was the particular object of his attack。 Men of my kind；
and not the Judd Jasons （for whom there was some excuse） were the least
dispensable tools of the capitalists； the greatest menace to
civilization。 We were absolutely lacking in principle； we were ready at
any time to besmirch our profession by legalizing steals； we fouled our
nests with dirty fees。 Not all that he said was vituperation； for he
knew something of the modern theory of the law that legal radicals had
begun to proclaim； and even to teach in some tolerant universities。
The next night； in the middle of a prepared speech I was delivering to a
large crowd in Kingdom Hall there had been jeers from a group in a corner
at some assertion I made。 Guptill's accusations had been festering in my
mind。 The faces of the people grew blurred as I felt anger boiling；
rising within me； suddenly my control gave way； and I launched forth into
a denunciation of Greenhalge； Krebs； Guptill and even of Perry Blackwood
that must have been without license or bounds。 I can recall only
fragments of my remarks： Greenhalge wanted to be mayor； and was willing
to put the stigma of slander on his native city in order to gain his
ambition； Krebs had made a failure of his profession； of everything save
in bringing shame on the place of his adoption； and on the single
occasion heretofore when he had been before the public； in the School
Board fiasco； the officials indic