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I turned over some papers on my desk; just to show Ralph that he hadn't
succeeded in disturbing me。
〃Who was in the audience? anyone you ever heard of?〃 I asked。
〃Sure thing。 Your cousin Robert Breck; and that son…in…law of his
what's his name? And some other representatives of our oldest families;…
…Alec Pound。 He's a reformer now; you know。 They put him on the
resolutions committee。 Sam Ogilvy was there; he'd be classed as
respectably conservative。 And one of the Ewanses。 I could name a few
others; if you pressed me。 That brother of Fowndes who looks like an up…
state minister。 A lot of womenMiller Gorse's sister; Mrs。 Datchet; who
never approved of Miller。 Quite a genteel gathering; I give you my word;
and all astonished and mad as hell when the speaking was over。 Mrs。
Datchet said she had been living in a den of iniquity and vice; and
didn't know it。〃
〃It must have been amusing;〃 I said。
〃It was;〃 said Ralph。 〃It'll be more amusing later on。 Oh; yes; there
was another fellow who spoke I forgot to mentionthat queer Dick who was
in your class; Krebs; got the school board evidence; looked as if he'd
come in by freight。 He wasn't as popular as the rest; but he's got more
sense than all of them put together。〃
〃Why wasn't he popular?〃
〃Well; he didn't crack up the American people;said they deserved all
they got; that they'd have to learn to think straight and be straight
before they could expect a square deal。 The truth was; they secretly
envied these rich men who were exploiting their city; and just as long as
they envied them they hadn't any right to complain of them。 He was going
into this campaign to tell the truth; but to tell all sides of it; and if
they wanted reform; they'd have to reform themselves first。 I admired
his nerve; I must say。〃
〃He always had that;〃 I remarked。 〃How did they take it?〃
〃Well; they didn't like it much; but I think most of them had a respect
for him。 I know I did。 He has a whole lot of assurance; an air of
knowing what he's talking about; and apparently he doesn't give a
continental whether he's popular or not。 Besides; Greenhalge had cracked
him up to the skies for the work he'd done for the school board。〃
〃You talk as if he'd converted you;〃 I said。
Ralph laughed as he rose and stretched himself。
〃Oh; I'm only the intelligent spectator; you ought to know that by this
time; Hughie。 But I thought it might interest you; since you'll have to
go on the stump and refute it all。 That'll be a nice job。 So long。〃
And he departed。 Of course I knew that he had been baiting me; his scent
for the weaknesses of his friends being absolutely fiendish。 I was angry
because he had succeeded;because he knew he had succeeded。 All the
morning uneasiness possessed me; and I found it difficult to concentrate
on the affairs I had in hand。 I felt premonitions; which I tried in vain
to suppress; that the tide of the philosophy of power and might were
starting to ebb: I scented vague calamities ahead; calamities I
associated with Krebs; and when I went out to the Club for lunch this
sense of uneasiness; instead of being dissipated; was increased。
Dickinson was there; and Scherer; who had just got back from Europe; the
talk fell on the Citizens Union; which Scherer belittled with an air of
consequence and pompousness that struck me disagreeably; and with an eye
newly critical I detected in him a certain disintegration; deterioration。
Having dismissed the reformers; he began to tell of his experiences
abroad; referring in one way or another to the people of consequence who
had entertained him。
〃Hugh;〃 said Leonard Dickinson to me as we walked to the bank together;
〃Scherer will never be any good any more。 Too much prosperity。 And he's
begun to have his nails manicured。〃
After I had left the bank president an uncanny fancy struck me that in
Adolf Scherer I had before me a concrete example of the effect of my
philosophy on the individual。。。。
Nothing seemed to go right that spring; and yet nothing was absolutely
wrong。 At times I became irritated; bewildered; out of tune; and unable
to understand why。 The weather itself was uneasy; tepid; with long
spells of hot wind and dust。 I no longer seemed to find refuge in my
work。 I was unhappy at home。 After walking for many years in confidence
and security along what appeared to be a certain path; I had suddenly
come out into a vague country in which it was becoming more and more
difficult to recognize landmarks。 I did not like to confess this; and
yet I heard within me occasional whispers。 Could it be that I; Hugh
Paret; who had always been so positive; had made a mess of my life?
There were moments when the pattern of it appeared to have fallen apart;
resolved itself into pieces that refused to fit into each other。
Of course my relationship with Nancy had something to do with this。。。。
One evening late in the spring; after dinner; Maude came into the
library。
〃Are you busy; Hugh?〃 she asked。
I put down my newspapers。
〃Because;〃 she went on; as she took a chair near the table where I was
writing; 〃I wanted to tell you that I have decided to go to Europe; and
take the children。〃
〃To Europe!〃 I exclaimed。 The significance of the announcement failed at
once to register in my brain; but I was aware of a shock。
〃Yes。〃
〃When?〃 I asked。
〃Right away。 The end of this month。〃
〃For the summer?〃
〃I haven't decided how long I shall stay。〃
I stared at her in bewilderment。 In contrast to the agitation I felt
rising within me; she was extraordinarily calm; unbelievably so。
〃But where do you intend to go in Europe?〃
〃I shall go to London for a month or so; and after that to some quiet
place in France; probably at the sea; where the children can learn French
and German。 After that; I have no plans。〃
〃Butyou talk as if you might stay indefinitely。〃
〃I haven't decided;〃 she repeated。
〃But whywhy are you doing this?〃
I would have recalled the words as soon as I had spoken them。 There was
the slightest unsteadiness in her voice as she replied:
〃Is it necessary to go into that; Hugh? Wouldn't it be useless as well
as a little painful? Surely; going to Europe without one's husband is
not an unusual thing in these days。 Let it just be understood that I
want to go; that the children have arrived at an age when it will do them
good。〃
I got up and began to walk up and down the room; while she watched me
with a silent calm which was incomprehensible。 In vain I summoned my
faculties to meet it。
I had not thought her capable of such initiative。
〃I can't see why you want to leave me;〃 I said at last; though with a
full sense of the inadequacy of the remark; and a suspicion of its
hypocrisy。
〃That isn't quite true;〃 she answered。 〃In the first place; you don't
need me。 I am not of the slightest use in your life; I haven't been a
factor in it for years。 You ought never to have married me;it was all
a terrible mistake。 I began to realize that after we had been married a
few monthseven when we were on our wedding trip。 But I was too
inexperiencedperhaps too weak to acknowledge it