按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
Lucky for me； I found it out in time。 Some poor devils don't。 （I'm not getting at you； old man。 We read all your stuff； and like it very much。 Time hangs a bit heavy； you know； here； in the winter； and we are glad of almost anything。） This life suits me better。 I love to feel my horse between my thighs； and the sun upon my skin。 And there are the youngsters growing up about us； and the hands to look after； and the stock。 I daresay it seems a very commonplace unintellectual life to you； but it satisfies my nature more than the writing of books could ever do。 Besides； there are too many authors as it is。 The world is so busy reading and writing； it has no time left for thinking。 You'll tell me； of course； that books are thought； but that is only the jargon of the Press。 You come out here； old man； and sit as I do sometimes for days and nights together alone with the dumb cattle on an upheaved island of earth； as it were； jutting out into the deep sky； and you will know that they are not。 What a man thinksreally thinksgoes down into him and grows in silence。 What a man writes in books are the thoughts that he wishes to be thought to think。〃
Poor Jephson！ he promised so well at one time。 But he always had strange notions。
CHAPTER I
When； on returning home one evening； after a pipe party at my friend Jephson's； I informed my wife that I was going to write a novel； she expressed herself as pleased with the idea。 She said she had often wondered I had never thought of doing so before。 〃Look；〃 she added； 〃how silly all the novels are nowadays； I'm sure you could write one。〃 （Ethelbertha intended to be complimentary； I am convinced； but there is a looseness about her mode of expression which； at times； renders her meaning obscure。）
When； however； I told her that my friend Jephson was going to collaborate with me； she remarked； 〃Oh；〃 in a doubtful tone； and when I further went on to explain to her that Selkirk Brown and Derrick MacShaughnassy were also going to assist； she replied； 〃Oh；〃 in a tone which contained no trace of doubtfulness whatever； and from which it was clear that her interest in the matter； as a practical scheme； had entirely evaporated。
I fancy that the fact of my three collaborators being all bachelors diminished somewhat our chances of success； in Ethelbertha's mind。 Against bachelors； as a class； she entertains a strong prejudice。 A man's not having sense enough to want to marry； or； having that； not having wit enough to do it； argues to her thinking either weakness of intellect or natural depravity； the former rendering its victim unable； and the latter unfit； ever to become a really useful novelist。
I tried to make her understand the peculiar advantages our plan possessed。
〃You see；〃 I explained； 〃in the usual common…place novel we only get； as a matter of fact； one person's ideas。 Now； in this novel； there will be four clever men all working together。 The public will thus be enabled to obtain the thoughts and opinions of the whole four of us； at the price usually asked for merely one author's views。 If the British reader knows his own business； he will order this book early； to avoid disappointment。 Such an opportunity may not occur again for years。〃
Ethelbertha agreed that this was probable。
〃Besides；〃 I continued； my enthusiasm waxing stronger the more I reflected upon the matter； 〃this work is going to be a genuine bargain in another way also。 We are not going to put our mere everyday ideas into it。 We are going to crowd into this one novel all the wit and wisdom that the whole four of us possess； if the book will hold it。 We shall not write another novel after this one。 Indeed； we shall not be able to； we shall have nothing more to write。 This work will partake of the nature of an intellectual clearance sale。 We are going to put into this novel simply all we know。〃
Ethelbertha shut her lips； and said something inside； and then remarked aloud that she supposed it would be a one volume affair。
I felt hurt at the implied sneer。 I pointed out to her that there already existed a numerous body of specially…trained men employed to do nothing else but make disagreeable observations upon authors and their worksa duty that； so far as I could judge； they seemed capable of performing without any amateur assistance whatever。 And I hinted that； by his own fireside； a literary man looked to breathe a more sympathetic atmosphere。
Ethelbertha replied that of course I knew what she meant。 She said that she was not thinking of me； and that Jephson was； no doubt； sensible enough （Jephson is engaged）； but she did not see the object of bringing half the parish into it。 （Nobody suggested bringing 〃half the parish〃 into it。 Ethelbertha will talk so wildly。） To suppose that Brown and MacShaughnassy could be of any use whatever； she considered absurd。 What could a couple of raw bachelors know about life and human nature？ As regarded MacShaughnassy in particular； she was of opinion that if we only wanted out of him all that HE knew； and could keep him to the subject； we ought to be able to get that into about a page。
My wife's present estimate of MacShaughnassy's knowledge is the result of reaction。 The first time she ever saw him； she and he got on wonderfully well together； and when I returned to the drawing… room； after seeing him down to the gate； her first words were； 〃What a wonderful man that Mr。 MacShaughnassy is。 He seems to know so much about everything。〃
That describes MacShaughnassy exactly。 He does seem to know a tremendous lot。 He is possessed of more information than any man I ever came across。 Occasionally； it is correct information； but； speaking broadly； it is remarkable for its marvellous unreliability。 Where he gets it from is a secret that nobody has ever yet been able to fathom。
Ethelbertha was very young when we started housekeeping。 （Our first butcher very nearly lost her custom； I remember； once and for ever by calling her 〃Missie；〃 and giving her a message to take back to her mother。 She arrived home in tears。 She said that perhaps she wasn't fit to be anybody's wife； but she did not see why she should be told so by the tradespeople。） She was naturally somewhat inexperienced in domestic affairs； and； feeling this keenly； was grateful to any one who would give her useful hints and advice。 When MacShaughnassy came along he seemed； in her eyes； a sort of glorified Mrs。 Beeton。 He knew everything wanted to be known inside a house； from the scientific method of peeling a potato to the cure of spasms in cats； and Ethelbertha would sit at his feet； figuratively speaking； and gain enough information in one evening to make the house unlivable in for a month。
He told her how fires ought to be laid。 He said that the way fires were usually laid in this country was contrary to all the laws of nature； and he showed her how the thing was done in Crim Tartary； or some such place； where the science of laying fires is alone properly understood。 He proved to her that an immense saving in time and labour； to say nothing of coals； could be effected by the adoption of the Crim Tartary system； and he taught it to her then and there；