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the magic skin-第44章

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the first kind belongs to the populace; the second kind is that of

blacklegs; of kings; and of men of talent。 I am neither a man of the

people; nor a king; nor a swindler; possibly I have no talent either;

I am an exception。 With the name I bear I must die sooner than beg。

Set your mind at rest; madame;' I said; 'to…day I have abundance; I

possess sufficient of the clay for my needs'; for the hard look passed

over her face which we wear whenever a well…dressed beggar takes us by

surprise。 'Do you remember the day when you wished to go to the

Gymnase without me; never believing that I should be there?' I went

on。



〃She nodded。



〃 'I had laid out my last five…franc piece that I might see you there。

Do you recollect our walk in the Jardin des Plantes? The hire of

your cab took everything I had。'



〃I told her about my sacrifices; and described the life I led; heated

not with wine; as I am to…day; but by the generous enthusiasm of my

heart; my passion overflowed in burning words; I have forgotten how

the feelings within me blazed forth; neither memory nor skill of mine

could possibly reproduce it。 It was no colorless chronicle of blighted

affections; my love was strengthened by fair hopes; and such words

came to me; by love's inspiration; that each had power to set forth a

whole lifelike echoes of the cries of a soul in torment。 In such

tones the last prayers ascend from dying men on the battlefield。 I

stopped; for she was weeping。 GRAND DIEU! I had reaped an actor's

reward; the success of a counterfeit passion displayed at the cost of

five francs paid at the theatre door。 I had drawn tears from her。



〃 'If I had known' she said。



〃 'Do not finish the sentence;' I broke in。 'Even now I love you well

enough to murder you'



〃She reached for the bell…pull。 I burst into a roar of laughter。



〃 'Do not call any one;' I said。 'I shall leave you to finish your

life in peace。 It would be a blundering kind of hatred that would

murder you! You need not fear violence of any kind; I have spent a

whole night at the foot of your bed without'



〃 'Monsieur' she said; blushing; but after that first impulse of

modesty that even the most hardened women must surely own; she flung a

scornful glance at me; and said:



〃 'You must have been very cold。'



〃 'Do you think that I set such value on your beauty; madame;' I

answered; guessing the thoughts that moved her。 'Your beautiful face

is for me a promise of a soul yet more beautiful。 Madame; those to

whom a woman is merely a woman can always purchase odalisques fit for

the seraglio; and achieve their happiness at a small cost。 But I

aspired to something higher; I wanted the life of close communion of

heart and heart with you that have no heart。 I know that now。 If you

were to belong to another; I could kill him。 And yet; no; for you

would love him; and his death might hurt you perhaps。 What agony this

is!' I cried。



〃 'If it is any comfort to you;' she retorted cheerfully; 'I can

assure you that I shall never belong to any one'



〃 'So you offer an affront to God Himself;' I interrupted; 'and you

will be punished for it。 Some day you will lie upon your sofa

suffering unheard…of ills; unable to endure the light or the slightest

sound; condemned to live as it were in the tomb。 Then; when you seek

the causes of those lingering and avenging torments; you will remember

the woes that you distributed so lavishly upon your way。 You have sown

curses; and hatred will be your reward。 We are the real judges; the

executioners of a justice that reigns here below; which overrules the

justice of man and the laws of God。'



〃 'No doubt it is very culpable in me not to love you;' she said;

laughing。 'Am I to blame? No。 I do not love you; you are a man; that

is sufficient。 I am happy by myself; why should I give up my way of

living; a selfish way; if you will; for the caprices of a master?

Marriage is a sacrament by virtue of which each imparts nothing but

vexations to the other。 Children; moreover; worry me。 Did I not

faithfully warn you about my nature? Why are you not satisfied to have

my friendship? I wish I could make you amends for all the troubles I

have caused you; through not guessing the value of your poor five…

franc pieces。 I appreciate the extent of your sacrifices; but your

devotion and delicate tact can be repaid by love alone; and I care so

little for you; that this scene has a disagreeable effect upon me。'



〃 'I am fully aware of my absurdity;' I said; unable to restrain my

tears。 'Pardon me;' I went on; 'it was a delight to hear those cruel

words you have just uttered; so well I love you。 O; if I could testify

my love with every drop of blood in me!'



〃 'Men always repeat these classic formulas to us; more or less

effectively;' she answered; still smiling。 'But it appears very

difficult to die at our feet; for I see corpses of that kind about

everywhere。 It is twelve o'clock。 Allow me to go to bed。'



〃 'And in two hours' time you will cry to yourself; AH; MON DIEU!'



〃 'Like the day before yesterday! Yes;' she said; 'I was thinking of

my stockbroker; I had forgotten to tell him to convert my five per

cent stock into threes; and the three per cents had fallen during the

day。'



〃I looked at her; and my eyes glittered with anger。 Sometimes a crime

may be a whole romance; I understood that just then。 She was so

accustomed; no doubt; to the most impassioned declarations of this

kind; that my words and my tears were forgotten already。



〃 'Would you marry a peer of France?' I demanded abruptly。



〃 'If he were a duke; I might。'



〃I seized my hat and made her a bow。



〃 'Permit me to accompany you to the door;' she said; cutting irony in

her tones; in the poise of her head; and in her gesture。



〃 'Madame'



〃 'Monsieur?'



〃 'I shall never see you again。'



〃 'I hope not;' and she insolently inclined her head。



〃 'You wish to be a duchess?' I cried; excited by a sort of madness

that her insolence roused in me。 'You are wild for honors and titles?

Well; only let me love you; bid my pen write and my voice speak for

you alone; be the inmost soul of my life; my guiding star! Then; only

accept me for your husband as a minister; a peer of France; a duke。 I

will make of myself whatever you would have me be!'



〃 'You made good use of the time you spent with the advocate;' she

said smiling。 'There is a fervency about your pleadings。'



〃 'The present is yours;' I cried; 'but the future is mine! I only

lose a woman; you are losing a name and a family。 Time is big with my

revenge; time will spoil your beauty; and yours will be a solitary

death; and glory waits for me!'



〃 'Thanks for your peroration!' she said; repressing a yawn; the wish

that she might never see me again was expressed in her whole bearing。



〃That remark silenced me。 I flung at her a glance full of hatred; and

hurried away。



〃Foedora must be 
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