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with an all…powerful person in Russia；' she went on； persuasion in
every modulation of her voice； 'whose intervention I need in order to
have justice done me in a matter that concerns both my fortune and my
position in the world； that is to say； the recognition of my marriage
by the Emperor。 Is not the Duc de Navarreins a cousin of yours？ A
letter from him would settle everything。'
〃 'I am yours；' I answered； 'command me。'
〃 'You are very nice；' she said； pressing my hand。 'Come and have
dinner with me； and I will tell you everything； as if you were my
confessor。'
〃So this discreet； suspicious woman； who had never been heard to speak
a word about her affairs to any one； was going to consult me。
〃 'Oh； how dear to me is this silence that you have imposed on me！' I
cried； 'but I would rather have had some sharper ordeal still。' And
she smiled upon the intoxication in my eyes； she did not reject my
admiration in any way； surely she loved me！
〃Fortunately； my purse held just enough to satisfy her cab…man。 The
day spent in her house； alone with her； was delicious； it was the
first time that I had seen her in this way。 Hitherto we had always
been kept apart by the presence of others； and by her formal
politeness and reserved manners； even during her magnificent dinners；
but now it was as if I lived beneath her own roofI had her all to
myself； so to speak。 My wandering fancy broke down barriers； arranged
the events of life to my liking； and steeped me in happiness and love。
I seemed to myself her husband； I liked to watch her busied with
little details； it was a pleasure to me even to see her take off her
bonnet and shawl。 She left me alone for a little； and came back；
charming； with her hair newly arranged； and this dainty change of
toilette had been made for me！
〃During the dinner she lavished attention upon me； and put charm
without end into those numberless trifles to all seeming； that make up
half of our existence nevertheless。 As we sat together before a
crackling fire； on silken cushions surrounded by the most desirable
creations of Oriental luxury； as I saw this woman whose famous beauty
made every heart beat； so close to me； an unapproachable woman who was
talking and bringing all her powers of coquetry to bear upon me； then
my blissful pleasure rose almost to the point of suffering。 To my
vexation； I recollected the important business to be concluded； I
determined to go to keep the appointment made for me for this evening。
〃 'So soon？' she said； seeing me take my hat。
〃She loved me； then！ or I thought so at least； from the bland tones in
which those two words were uttered。 I would then have bartered a
couple of years of life for every hour she chose to grant to me； and
so prolong my ecstasy。 My happiness was increased by the extent of the
money I sacrificed。 It was midnight before she dismissed me。 But on
the morrow； for all that； my heroism cost me a good many remorseful
pangs； I was afraid the affair of the Memoirs； now of such importance
for me； might have fallen through； and rushed off to Rastignac。 We
found the nominal author of my future labors just getting up。
〃Finot read over a brief agreement to me； in which nothing whatever
was said about my aunt； and when it had been signed he paid me down
fifty crowns； and the three of us breakfasted together。 I had only
thirty francs left over； when I had paid for my new hat； for sixty
tickets at thirty sous each； and settled my debts； but for some days
to come the difficulties of living were removed。 If I had but listened
to Rastignac； I might have had abundance by frankly adopting the
'English system。' He really wanted to establish my credit by setting
me to raise loans； on the theory that borrowing is the basis of
credit。 To hear him talk； the future was the largest and most secure
kind of capital in the world。 My future luck was hypothecated for the
benefit of my creditors； and he gave my custom to his tailor； an
artist； and a young man's tailor； who was to leave me in peace until I
married。
〃The monastic life of study that I had led for three years past ended
on this day。 I frequented Foedora's house very diligently； and tried
to outshine the heroes or the swaggerers to be found in her circle。
When I believed that I had left poverty for ever behind me； I regained
my freedom of mind； humiliated my rivals； and was looked upon as a
very attractive； dazzling； and irresistible sort of man。 But acute
folk used to say with regard to me； 'A fellow as clever as that will
keep all his enthusiasms in his brain；' and charitably extolled my
faculties at the expense of my feelings。 'Isn't he lucky； not to be in
love！' they exclaimed。 'If he were； could he be so light…hearted and
animated？' Yet in Foedora's presence I was as dull as love could make
me。 When I was alone with her； I had not a word to say； or if I did
speak； I renounced love； and I affected gaiety but ill； like a
courtier who has a bitter mortification to hide。 I tried in every way
to make myself indispensable in her life； and necessary to her vanity
and to her comfort； I was a plaything at her pleasure； a slave always
at her side。 And when I had frittered away the day in this way； I went
back to my work at night； securing merely two or three hours' sleep in
the early morning。
〃But I had not； like Rastignac； the 'English system' at my finger…
ends； and I very soon saw myself without a penny。 I fell at once into
that precarious way of life which industriously hides cold and
miserable depths beneath an elusive surface of luxury； I was a coxcomb
without conquests； a penniless fop； a nameless gallant。 The old
sufferings were renewed； but less sharply； no doubt I was growing used
to the painful crisis。 Very often my sole diet consisted of the scanty
provision of cakes and tea that is offered in drawing…rooms； or one of
the countess' great dinners must sustain me for two whole days。 I used
all my time； and exerted every effort and all my powers of
observation； to penetrate the impenetrable character of Foedora。
Alternate hope and despair had swayed my opinions； for me she was
sometimes the tenderest； sometimes the most unfeeling of women。 But
these transitions from joy to sadness became unendurable； I sought to
end the horrible conflict within me by extinguishing love。 By the
light of warning gleams my soul sometimes recognized the gulfs that
lay between us。 The countess confirmed all my fears； I had never yet
detected any tear in her eyes； an affecting scene in a play left her
smiling and unmoved。 All her instincts were selfish； she could not
divine another's joy or sorrow。 She had made a fool of me； in fact！
〃I had rejoiced over a sacrifice to make for her； and almost
humiliated myself in seeking out my kinsman； the Duc de Navarreins； a
selfish man who was ashamed of my poverty； and had injured me too
deeply not to hate me。 He received me with the polite coldness that
ma