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my aid； and minutely scrutinized this singular person and her ways all
evening。 I concealed myself in the embrasure of a window； and sought
to discover her thoughts from her bearing。 I studied the tactics of
the mistress of the house； as she came and went； sat and chatted；
beckoned to this one or that； asked questions； listened to the
answers； as she leaned against the frame of the door； I detected a
languid charm in her movements； a grace in the flutterings of her
dress； remarked the nature of the feelings she so powerfully excited；
and became very incredulous as to her virtue。 If Foedora would none of
love to…day； she had had strong passions at some time； past experience
of pleasure showed itself in the attitudes she chose in conversation；
in her coquettish way of leaning against the panel behind her； she
seemed scarcely able to stand alone； and yet ready for flight from too
bold a glance。 There was a kind of eloquence about her lightly folded
arms； which； even for benevolent eyes； breathed sentiment。 Her fresh
red lips sharply contrasted with her brilliantly pale complexion。 Her
brown hair brought out all the golden color in her eyes； in which blue
streaks mingled as in Florentine marble； their expression seemed to
increase the significance of her words。 A studied grace lay in the
charms of her bodice。 Perhaps a rival might have found the lines of
the thick eyebrows； which almost met； a little hard； or found a fault
in the almost invisible down that covered her features。 I saw the
signs of passion everywhere； written on those Italian eyelids； on the
splendid shoulders worthy of the Venus of Milo； on her features； in
the darker shade of down above a somewhat thick under…lip。 She was not
merely a woman； but a romance。 The whole blended harmony of lines； the
feminine luxuriance of her frame； and its passionate promise； were
subdued by a constant inexplicable reserve and modesty at variance
with everything else about her。 It needed an observation as keen as my
own to detect such signs as these in her character。 To explain myself
more clearly； there were two women in Foedora； divided perhaps by the
line between head and body： the one； the head alone； seemed to be
susceptible； and the other phlegmatic。 She prepared her glance before
she looked at you； something unspeakably mysterious； some inward
convulsion seemed revealed by her glittering eyes。
〃So； to be brief； either my imperfect moral science had left me a good
deal to learn in the moral world； or a lofty soul dwelt in the
countess； lent to her face those charms that fascinated and subdued
us； and gave her an ascendency only the more complete because it
comprehended a sympathy of desire。
〃I went away completely enraptured with this woman； dazzled by the
luxury around her； gratified in every faculty of my soulnoble and
base； good and evil。 When I felt myself so excited； eager； and elated；
I thought I understood the attraction that drew thither those artists；
diplomatists； men in office； those stock…jobbers encased in triple
brass。 They came； no doubt； to find in her society the delirious
emotion that now thrilled through every fibre in me； throbbing through
my brain； setting the blood a…tingle in every vein； fretting even the
tiniest nerve。 And she had given herself to none； so as to keep them
all。 A woman is a coquette so long as she knows not love。
〃 'Well；' I said to Rastignac； 'they married her； or sold her perhaps；
to some old man； and recollections of her first marriage have caused
her aversion for love。'
〃I walked home from the Faubourg St。 Honore； where Foedora lived。
Almost all the breadth of Paris lies between her mansion and the Rue
des Cordiers； but the distance seemed short； in spite of the cold。 And
I was to lay siege to Foedora's heart； in winter； and a bitter winter；
with only thirty francs in my possession； and such a distance as that
lay between us！ Only a poor man knows what such a passion costs in
cab…hire； gloves； linen； tailor's bills； and the like。 If the Platonic
stage lasts a little too long； the affair grows ruinous。 As a matter
of fact； there is many a Lauzun among students of law； who finds it
impossible to approach a ladylove living on a first floor。 And I；
sickly； thin； poorly dressed； wan and pale as any artist convalescent
after a work； how could I compete with other young men； curled；
handsome； smart； outcravatting Croatia； wealthy men； equipped with
tilburys； and armed with assurance？
〃 'Bah； death or Foedora！' I cried； as I went round by a bridge； 'my
fortune lies in Foedora。'
〃That gothic boudoir and Louis Quatorze salon came before my eyes。 I
saw the countess again in her white dress with its large graceful
sleeves； and all the fascinations of her form and movements。 These
pictures of Foedora and her luxurious surroundings haunted me even in
my bare； cold garret； when at last I reached it； as disheveled as any
naturalist's wig。 The contrast suggested evil counsel； in such a way
crimes are conceived。 I cursed my honest； self…respecting poverty； my
garret where such teeming fancies had stirred within me。 I trembled
with fury； I reproached God； the devil； social conditions； my own
father； the whole universe； indeed； with my fate and my misfortunes。 I
went hungry to bed； muttering ludicrous imprecations； but fully
determined to win Foedora。 Her heart was my last ticket in the
lottery； my fortune depended upon it。
〃I spare you the history of my earlier visits； to reach the drama the
sooner。 In my efforts to appeal to her； I essayed to engage her
intellect and her vanity on my side； in order to secure her love； I
gave her any quantity of reasons for increasing her self…esteem； I
never left her in a state of indifference； women like emotions at any
cost； I gave them to her in plenty； I would rather have had her angry
with me than indifferent。
〃At first； urged by a strong will and a desire for her love； I assumed
a little authority； but my own feelings grew stronger and mastered me；
I relapsed into truth； I lost my head； and fell desperately in love。
〃I am not very sure what we mean by the word love in our poetry and
our talk； but I know that I have never found in all the ready
rhetorical phrases of Jean…Jacques Rousseau； in whose room perhaps I
was lodging； nor among the feeble inventions of two centuries of our
literature； nor in any picture that Italy has produced； a
representation of the feelings that expanded all at once in my double
nature。 The view of the lake of Bienne； some music of Rossini's； the
Madonna of Murillo's now in the possession of General Soult；
Lescombat's letters； a few sayings scattered through collections of
anecdotes； but most of all the prayers of religious ecstatics； and
passages in our fabliaux；these things alone have power to carry me
back to the divine heights of my first love。
〃Nothing expressed in human language； no thought reproducible in
color； marble； sound； or arti