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'Augustus； my child； come to me；' and Mr。 Leaver said； 'Augusta； my love；
compose yourself； I am not injured。' But Mrs。 Leaver cried again more
piteously than before； 'Augustus； my child； come to me；' and now the
company generally； who seemed to be apprehensive that if Mr。 Leaver
remained where he was； he might contribute more than his proper share
towards the drowning of the party； disinterestedly took part with Mrs。
Leaver； and said he really ought to go； and that he was not strong enough
for such violent exercise； and ought never to have undertaken it。
Reluctantly； Mr。 Leaver went； and laid himself down at Mrs。 Leaver's feet；
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and Mrs。 Leaver stooping over him； said； 'Oh Augustus； how could you
terrify me so？' and Mr。 Leaver said； 'Augusta； my sweet； I never meant to
terrify you；' and Mrs。 Leaver said； 'You are faint； my dear；' and Mr。 Leaver
said； 'I am rather so； my love；' and they were very loving indeed under
Mrs。 Leaver's veil； until at length Mr。 Leaver came forth again； and
pleasantly asked if he had not heard something said about bottled stout and
sandwiches。
Mrs。 Starling； who was one of the party； was perfectly delighted with
this scene； and frequently murmured half…aside； 'What a loving couple you
are！' or 'How delightful it is to see man and wife so happy together！' To us
she was quite poetical； （for we are a kind of cousins；） observing that hearts
beating in unison like that made life a paradise of sweets； and that when
kindred creatures were drawn together by sympathies so fine and delicate；
what more than mortal happiness did not our souls partake！ To all this we
answered 'Certainly；' or 'Very true；' or merely sighed； as the case might be。
At every new act of the loving couple； the widow's admiration broke out
afresh； and when Mrs。 Leaver would not permit Mr。 Leaver to keep his hat
off； lest the sun should strike to his head； and give him a brain fever； Mrs。
Starling actually shed tears； and said it reminded her of Adam and Eve。
The loving couple were thus loving all the way to Twickenham； but
when we arrived there （by which time the amateur crew looked very
thirsty and vicious） they were more playful than ever； for Mrs。 Leaver
threw stones at Mr。 Leaver； and Mr。 Leaver ran after Mrs。 Leaver on the
grass； in a most innocent and enchanting manner。 At dinner； too； Mr。
Leaver WOULD steal Mrs。 Leaver's tongue； and Mrs。 Leaver WOULD
retaliate upon Mr。 Leaver's fowl； and when Mrs。 Leaver was going to take
some lobster salad； Mr。 Leaver wouldn't let her have any； saying that it
made her ill； and she was always sorry for it afterwards； which afforded
Mrs。 Leaver an opportunity of pretending to be cross； and showing many
other prettinesses。 But this was merely the smiling surface of their loves；
not the mighty depths of the stream； down to which the company； to say
the truth； dived rather unexpectedly； from the following accident。 It
chanced that Mr。 Leaver took upon himself to propose the bachelors who
had first originated the notion of that entertainment； in doing which； he
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affected to regret that he was no longer of their body himself； and
pretended grievously to lament his fallen state。 This Mrs。 Leaver's feelings
could not brook； even in jest； and consequently； exclaiming aloud； 'He
loves me not； he loves me not！' she fell in a very pitiable state into the
arms of Mrs。 Starling； and； directly becoming insensible； was conveyed by
that lady and her husband into another room。 Presently Mr。 Leaver came
running back to know if there was a medical gentleman in company； and
as there was； （in what company is there not？） both Mr。 Leaver and the
medical gentleman hurried away together。
The medical gentleman was the first who returned； and among his
intimate friends he was observed to laugh and wink； and look as
unmedical as might be； but when Mr。 Leaver came back he was very
solemn； and in answer to all inquiries； shook his head； and remarked that
Augusta was far too sensitive to be trifled with … an opinion which the
widow subsequently confirmed。 Finding that she was in no imminent peril；
however； the rest of the party betook themselves to dancing on the green；
and very merry and happy they were； and a vast quantity of flirtation there
was； the last circumstance being no doubt attributable； partly to the
fineness of the weather； and partly to the locality； which is well known to
be favourable to all harmless recreations。
In the bustle of the scene； Mr。 and Mrs。 Leaver stole down to the boat；
and disposed themselves under the awning； Mrs。 Leaver reclining her head
upon Mr。 Leaver's shoulder； and Mr。 Leaver grasping her hand with great
fervour； and looking in her face from time to time with a melancholy and
sympathetic aspect。 The widow sat apart； feigning to be occupied with a
book； but stealthily observing them from behind her fan； and the two
firemen…watermen； smoking their pipes on the bank hard by； nudged each
other； and grinned in enjoyment of the joke。 Very few of the party missed
the loving couple； and the few who did； heartily congratulated each other
on their disappearance。
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THE CONTRADICTORY
COUPLE
One would suppose that two people who are to pass their whole lives
together； and must necessarily be very often alone with each other； could
find little pleasure in mutual contradiction； and yet what is more common
than a contradictory couple？
The contradictory couple agree in nothing but contradiction。 They
return home from Mrs。 Bluebottle's dinner…party； each in an opposite
corner of the coach； and do not exchange a syllable until they have been
seated for at least twenty minutes by the fireside at home； when the
gentleman； raising his eyes from the stove； all at once breaks silence：
'What a very extraordinary thing i