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the gentleman nods again； turns upon his heel； and saunters away。
There are times； however； when his company is not so agreeable；
though equally unexpected； such as when the lady has invited one or two
particular friends to tea and scandal； and he happens to come home in the
very midst of their diversion。 It is a hundred chances to one that he
remains in the house half an hour； but the lady is rather disturbed by the
intrusion； notwithstanding； and reasons within herself； … 'I am sure I never
interfere with him； and why should he interfere with me？ It can scarcely
be accidental； it never happens that I have a particular reason for not
wishing him to come home； but he always comes。 It's very provoking and
tiresome； and I am sure when he leaves me so much alone for his own
pleasure； the least he could do would be to do as much for mine。'
Observing what passes in her mind； the gentleman； who has come home
for his own accommodation； makes a merit of it with himself； arrives at
the conclusion that it is the very last place in which he can hope to be
comfortable； and determines； as he takes up his hat and cane； never to be
so virtuous again。
Thus a great many cool couples go on until they are cold couples； and
the grave has closed over their folly and indifference。 Loss of name；
station； character； life itself； has ensued from causes as slight as these；
before now； and when gossips tell such tales； and aggravate their
deformities； they elevate their hands and eyebrows； and call each other to
witness what a cool couple Mr。 and Mrs。 So… and…so always were； even in
the best of times。
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Sketches of Young Couples
THE PLAUSIBLE COUPLE
The plausible couple have many titles。 They are 'a delightful couple；'
an 'affectionate couple；' 'a most agreeable couple； 'a good…hearted couple；'
and 'the best…natured couple in existence。' The truth is； that the plausible
couple are people of the world； and either the way of pleasing the world
has grown much easier than it was in the days of the old man and his ass；
or the old man was but a bad hand at it； and knew very little of the trade。
'But is it really possible to please the world！' says some doubting
reader。 It is indeed。 Nay； it is not only very possible； but very easy。 The
ways are crooked； and sometimes foul and low。 What then？ A man need
but crawl upon his hands and knees； know when to close his eyes and
when his ears； when to stoop and when to stand upright； and if by the
world is meant that atom of it in which he moves himself； he shall please it；
never fear。
Now； it will be readily seen； that if a plausible man or woman have an
easy means of pleasing the world by an adaptation of self to all its
twistings and twinings； a plausible man AND woman； or； in other words； a
plausible couple； playing into each other's hands； and acting in concert；
have a manifest advantage。 Hence it is that plausible couples scarcely ever
fail of success on a pretty large scale； and hence it is that if the reader；
laying down this unwieldy volume at the next full stop； will have the
goodness to review his or her circle of acquaintance； and to search
particularly for some man and wife with a large connexion and a good
name； not easily referable to their abilities or their wealth； he or she （that
is； the male or female reader） will certainly find that gentleman or lady； on
a very short reflection； to be a plausible couple。
The plausible couple are the most ecstatic people living： the most
sensitive people … to merit … on the face of the earth。 Nothing clever or
virtuous escapes them。 They have microscopic eyes for such endowments；
and can find them anywhere。 The plausible couple never fawn … oh no！
They don't even scruple to tell their friends of their faults。 One is too
generous； another too candid； a third has a tendency to think all people
like himself； and to regard mankind as a company of angels； a fourth is
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Sketches of Young Couples
kind…hearted to a fault。 'We never flatter； my dear Mrs。 Jackson；' say the
plausible couple； 'we speak our minds。 Neither you nor Mr。 Jackson have
faults enough。 It may sound strangely； but it is true。 You have not faults
enough。 You know our way； … we must speak out； and always do。 Quarrel
with us for saying so； if you will； but we repeat it； … you have not faults
enough！'
The plausible couple are no less plausible to each other than to third
parties。 They are always loving and harmonious。 The plausible gentleman
calls his wife 'darling；' and the plausible lady addresses him as 'dearest。' If
it be Mr。 and Mrs。 Bobtail Widger； Mrs。 Widger is 'Lavinia； darling；' and
Mr。 Widger is 'Bobtail； dearest。' Speaking of each other； they observe the
same tender form。 Mrs。 Widger relates what 'Bobtail' said； and Mr。 Widger
recounts what 'darling' thought and did。
If you sit next to the plausible lady at a dinner…table； she takes the
earliest opportunity of expressing her belief that you are acquainted with
the Clickits； she is sure she has heard the Clickits speak of you … she must
not tell you in what terms； or you will take her for a flatterer。 You admit a
knowledge of the Clickits； the plausible lady immediately launches out in
their praise。 She quite loves the Clickits。 Were there ever such true…
hearted； hospitable； excellent people … such a gentle； interesting little
woman as Mrs。 Clickit； or such a frank； unaffected creature as Mr。 Clickit？
were there ever two people； in short； so little spoiled by the world as they
are？ 'As who； darling？' cries Mr。 Widger； from the opposite side of the
table。 'The Clickits； dearest；' replies Mrs。 Widger。 'Indeed you are right；
darling；' Mr。 Widger rejoins； 'the Clickits are a very high…minded； worthy；
estimable couple。' Mrs。 Widger remarking that Bobtail always grows quite
eloquent upon this subject； Mr。 Widger admits that he feels very strongly
whenever such people as the Clickits and some other friends of his （here
he glances at the host and hos