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the sight of such bravery； and needed no other bribe； so； over their bits of ragged duds； they put on the pageantry； and walked away to the kirk like peacocks； and took their place on the bench； to the great diversion of the whole congregation。
I had no suspicion of this； and had prepared an affecting discourse about the horrors of war； in which I touched； with a tender hand； on the troubles that threatened families and kindred in America； but all the time I was preaching； doing my best； and expatiating till the tears came into my eyes； I could not divine what was the cause of the inattention of my people。 But the two vain haverels were on the bench under me； and I could not see them； where they sat； spreading their feathers and picking their wings； stroking down and setting right their finery； with such an air as no living soul could see and withstand； while every eye in the kirk was now on them； and now at Miss Betty Wudrife； who was in a worse situation than if she had been on the stool of repentance。
Greatly grieved with the little heed that was paid to my discourse； I left the pulpit with a heavy heart； but when I came out into the kirkyard； and saw the two antics linking like ladies； and aye keeping in the way before Miss Betty； and looking back and around in their pride and admiration； with high heads and a wonderful pomp； I was really overcome； and could not keep my gravity； but laughed loud out among the graves； and in the face of all my people； who； seeing how I was vanquished in that unguarded moment by my enemy； made a universal and most unreverent breach of all decorum； at which Miss Betty； who had been the cause of all； ran into the first open door； and almost fainted away with mortification。
This affair was regarded by the elders as a sinful trespass on the orderlyness that was needful in the Lord's house； and they called on me at the manse that night； and said it would be a guilty connivance if I did not rebuke and admonish Lady Macadam of the evil of her way； for they had questioned daft Jenny； and had got at the bottom of the whole plot and mischief。 But I； who knew her ladyship's light way； would fain have had the elders to overlook it； rather than expose myself to her tantrums； but they considered the thing as a great scandal； so I was obligated to conform to their wishes。 I might； however； have as well stayed at home； for her ladyship was in one of her jocose humours when I went to speak to her on the subject； and it was so far from my power to make a proper impression on her of the enormity that had been committed； that she made me laugh； in spite of my reason； at the fantastical drollery of her malicious prank on Miss Betty Wudrife。
It； however； did not end here； for the session； knowing that it was profitless to speak to the daft mother and daughter； who had been the instruments； gave orders to Willy Howking； the betheral； not to let them again so far into the kirk； and Willy； having scarcely more sense than them both； thought proper to keep them out next Sunday altogether。 The twa said nothing at the time； but the adversary was busy with them； for； on the Wednesday following； there being a meeting of the synod at Ayr； to my utter amazement the mother and daughter made their appearance there in all their finery； and raised a complaint against me and the session； for debarring them from church privileges。 No stage play could have produced such an effect。 I was perfectly dumfoundered； and every member of the synod might have been tied with a straw； they were so overcome with this new device of that endless woman； when bent on provocationthe Lady Macadam； in whom the saying was verified； that old folk are twice bairns； for in such plays； pranks； and projects； she was as playrife as a very lassie at her sampler； and this is but a swatch to what lengths she would go。 The complaint was dismissed； by which the session and me were assoilzied； but I'll never forget till the day of my death what I suffered on that occasion； to be so put to the wall by two born idiots。
CHAPTER XVII YEAR 1776
It belongs to the chroniclers of the realm to describe the damage and detriment which fell on the power and prosperity of the kingdom； by reason of the rebellion； that was fired into open war； against the name and authority of the king in the plantations of America； for my task is to describe what happened within the narrow bound of the pasturage of the Lord's flock； of which； in his bounty and mercy； he made me the humble； willing； but alas！ the weak and ineffectual shepherd。
About the month of February； a recruiting party came to our neighbour town of Irville； to beat up for men to be soldiers against the rebels； and thus the battle was brought； as it were； to our gates； for the very first man that took on with them was one Thomas Wilson； a cottar in our clachan； who； up to that time； had been a decent and creditable character。 He was at first a farmer lad； but had forgathered with a doited tawpy； whom he married； and had offspring three or four。 For some time it was noticed that he had a down and thoughtful look； that his cleeding was growing bare； and that his wife kept an untrig house； which； it was feared by many； was the cause of Thomas going o'er often to the change…house； he was； in short； during the greater part of the winter； evidently a man foregone in the pleasures of this world； which made all that knew him compassionate his situation。
No doubt； it was his household ills that burdened him past bearing； and made him go into Irville； when he heard of the recruiting； and take on to be a soldier。 Such a wally…wallying as the news of this caused at every door； for the red…coatsfrom the persecuting days； when the black…cuffs rampaged through the countrysoldiers that fought for hire were held in dread and as a horror among us； and terrible were the stories that were told of their cruelty and sinfulness； indeed； there had not been wanting in our time a sample of what they were； as witness the murder of Jean Glaikit by Patrick O'Neil； the Irish corporal； anent which I have treated at large in the memorables of the year 1774。
A meeting of the session was forthwith held； for here was Thomas Wilson's wife and all his weans； an awful cess； thrown upon the parish； and it was settled outright among us； that Mr Docken； who was then an elder； but is since dead； a worthy man； with a soft tongue and a pleasing manner； should go to Irville； and get Thomas； if possible； released from the recruiters。 But it was all in vain； the sergeant would not listen to him； for Thomas was a strapping lad； nor would the poor infatuated man himself agree to go back； but cursed like a cadger； and swore that； if he stayed any longer among his plagues； he would commit some rash act； so we were saddled with his family； which was the first taste and preeing of what war is when it comes into our hearths； and among the breadwinners。
The evil； however； did not stop here。 Thomas； when he was dressed out in the king's clothes； came over to see his bairns； and take a farewell of his friends； and he looked so gallant； that the very next market…day another lad of the parish listed with him； but he was a ramplor； rov