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for the accomplishment of this result threw Thomas Idle； for the
first time in his life； into a perspiration。 The perspiration； in
consequence of his want of practice in the management of that
particular result of bodily activity； was suddenly checked； the
inevitable chill succeeded； and that； in its turn； was followed by
a fever。 For the first time since his birth； Mr。 Idle found
himself confined to his bed for many weeks together； wasted and
worn by a long illness； of which his own disastrous muscular
exertion had been the sole first cause。
The third occasion on which Thomas found reason to reproach himself
bitterly for the mistake of having attempted to be industrious； was
connected with his choice of a calling in life。 Having no interest
in the Church； he appropriately selected the next best profession
for a lazy man in England … the Bar。 Although the Benchers of the
Inns of Court have lately abandoned their good old principles； and
oblige their students to make some show of studying； in Mr。 Idle's
time no such innovation as this existed。 Young men who aspired to
the honourable title of barrister were； very properly； not asked to
learn anything of the law； but were merely required to eat a
certain number of dinners at the table of their Hall； and to pay a
certain sum of money； and were called to the Bar as soon as they
could prove that they had sufficiently complied with these
extremely sensible regulations。 Never did Thomas move more
harmoniously in concert with his elders and betters than when he
was qualifying himself for admission among the barristers of his
native country。 Never did he feel more deeply what real laziness
was in all the serene majesty of its nature； than on the memorable
day when he was called to the Bar； after having carefully abstained
from opening his law…books during his period of probation； except
to fall asleep over them。 How he could ever again have become
industrious； even for the shortest period； after that great reward
conferred upon his idleness； quite passes his comprehension。 The
kind Benchers did everything they could to show him the folly of
exerting himself。 They wrote out his probationary exercise for
him； and never expected him even to take the trouble of reading it
through when it was written。 They invited him； with seven other
choice spirits as lazy as himself； to come and be called to the
Bar； while they were sitting over their wine and fruit after
dinner。 They put his oaths of allegiance； and his dreadful
official denunciations of the Pope and the Pretender； so gently
into his mouth； that he hardly knew how the words got there。 They
wheeled all their chairs softly round from the table； and sat
surveying the young barristers with their backs to their bottles；
rather than stand up； or adjourn to hear the exercises read。 And
when Mr。 Idle and the seven unlabouring neophytes； ranged in order；
as a class； with their backs considerately placed against a screen；
had begun； in rotation； to read the exercises which they had not
written； even then； each Bencher； true to the great lazy principle
of the whole proceeding； stopped each neophyte before he had
stammered through his first line； and bowed to him； and told him
politely that he was a barrister from that moment。 This was all
the ceremony。 It was followed by a social supper； and by the
presentation； in accordance with ancient custom； of a pound of
sweetmeats and a bottle of Madeira； offered in the way of needful
refreshment； by each grateful neophyte to each beneficent Bencher。
It may seem inconceivable that Thomas should ever have forgotten
the great do…nothing principle instilled by such a ceremony as
this； but it is； nevertheless； true； that certain designing
students of industrious habits found him out； took advantage of his
easy humour； persuaded him that it was discreditable to be a
barrister and to know nothing whatever about the law； and lured
him； by the force of their own evil example； into a conveyancer's
chambers； to make up for lost time； and to qualify himself for
practice at the Bar。 After a fortnight of self…delusion； the
curtain fell from his eyes； he resumed his natural character； and
shut up his books。 But the retribution which had hitherto always
followed his little casual errors of industry followed them still。
He could get away from the conveyancer's chambers； but he could not
get away from one of the pupils； who had taken a fancy to him； … a
tall； serious； raw…boned； hard…working； disputatious pupil； with
ideas of his own about reforming the Law of Real Property； who has
been the scourge of Mr。 Idle's existence ever since the fatal day
when he fell into the mistake of attempting to study the law。
Before that time his friends were all sociable idlers like himself。
Since that time the burden of bearing with a hard…working young man
has become part of his lot in life。 Go where he will now； he can
never feel certain that the raw…boned pupil is not affectionately
waiting for him round a corner； to tell him a little more about the
Law of Real Property。 Suffer as he may under the infliction； he
can never complain； for he must always remember； with unavailing
regret； that he has his own thoughtless industry to thank for first
exposing him to the great social calamity of knowing a bore。
These events of his past life； with the significant results that
they brought about； pass drowsily through Thomas Idle's memory；
while he lies alone on the sofa at Allonby and elsewhere； dreaming
away the time which his fellow…apprentice gets through so actively
out of doors。 Remembering the lesson of laziness which his past
disasters teach； and bearing in mind also the fact that he is
crippled in one leg because he exerted himself to go up a mountain；
when he ought to have known that his proper course of conduct was
to stop at the bottom of it； he holds now； and will for the future
firmly continue to hold； by his new resolution never to be
industrious again； on any pretence whatever； for the rest of his
life。 The physical results of his accident have been related in a
previous chapter。 The moral results now stand on record； and； with
the enumeration of these； that part of the present narrative which
is occupied by the Episode of The Sprained Ankle may now perhaps be
considered； in all its aspects； as finished and complete。
'How do you propose that we get through this present afternoon and
evening？' demanded Thomas Idle； after two or three hours of the
foregoing reflections at Allonby。
Mr。 Goodchild faltered； looked out of window； looked in again； and
said； as he had so often said before； 'There is the sea； and here
are the shrimps； … let us eat 'em'！'
But； the wise donkey was at that moment in the act of bolting： not
with the irresolution of his previous efforts which had been
wanting in sustained force of character； but with real vigour of
purpose： shaking the dust off his mane an