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as my friends often rebukingly declared； did but ill express the keen ardor of my feelings。 I； in truth； regarded men with an excess both of love and of fear。 The mystery of a Person； indeed； is ever divine to him that has a sense for the Godlike。 Often； notwithstanding； was I blamed； and by half…strangers hated； for my so…called Hardness （_Harte_）； my Indifferentism towards men； and the seemingly ironic tone I had adopted； as my favorite dialect in conversation。 Alas； the panoply of Sarcasm was but as a buckram case； wherein I had striven to envelop myself； that so my own poor Person might live safe there； and in all friendliness； being no longer exasperated by wounds。 Sarcasm I now see to be； in general； the language of the Devil； for which reason I have long since as good as renounced it。 But how many individuals did I； in those days； provoke into some degree of hostility thereby！ An ironic man； with his sly stillness； and ambuscading ways； more especially an ironic young man； from whom it is least expected； may be viewed as a pest to society。 Have we not seen persons of weight and name coming forward； with gentlest indifference； to tread such a one out of sight； as an insignificancy and worm； start ceiling…high （_balkenhock_）； and thence fall shattered and supine； to be borne home on shutters； not without indignation； when he proved electric and a torpedo！〃
Alas； how can a man with this devilishness of temper make way for himself in Life； where the first problem； as Teufelsdrockh too admits； is 〃to unite yourself with some one； and with somewhat （_sich anzuschliessen_）〃？ Division； not union； is written on most part of his procedure。 Let us add too that； in no great length of time； the only important connection he had ever succeeded in forming； his connection with the Zahdarm Family； seems to have been paralyzed； for all practical uses； by the death of the 〃not uncholeric〃 old Count。 This fact stands recorded； quite incidentally； in a certain _Discourse on Epitaphs_； huddled into the present Bag； among so much else； of which Essay the learning and curious penetration are more to be approved of than the spirit。 His grand principle is； that lapidary inscriptions； of what sort soever； should be Historical rather than Lyrical。 〃By request of that worthy Nobleman's survivors；〃 says he； 〃I undertook to compose his Epitaph； and not unmindful of my own rules； produced the following； which however； for an alleged defect of Latinity； a defect never yet fully visible to myself； still remains unengraven；〃wherein； we may predict； there is more than the Latinity that will surprise an English reader：
HIC JACET PHILIPPUS ZAEHDARM； COGNOMINE MAGNUS； ZAEHDARMI COMES； EX IMPERII CONCILIO； VELLERIS AUREI； PERISCELIDIS； NECNON VULTURIS NIGRI EQUES。 QUI DUM SUB LUNA AGEBAT； QUINQUIES MILLE PERDICES PLUMBO CONFECIT： VARII CIBI CENTUMPONDIA MILLIES CENTENA MILLIA； PER SE； PERQUE SERVOS QUADRUPEDES BIPEDESVE； HAUD SINE TUMULT DEVOLVENS； IN STERCUS PALAM CONVERTIT。 NUNC A LABORE REQUIESCENTEM OPERA SEQUUNTUR。 SI MONUMENTUM QUAERIS； FIMETUM ADSPICE。 PRIMUM IN ORBE DEJECIT ＇_sub dato_＇； POSTREMUM ＇_sub dato_＇。
CHAPTER V。 ROMANCE。
〃For long years；〃 writes Teufelsdrockh； 〃had the poor Hebrew； in this Egypt of an Auscultatorship； painfully toiled； baking bricks without stubble； before ever the question once struck him with entire force： For what？_Beym Himmel_！ For Food and Warmth！ And are Food and Warmth nowhere else； in the whole wide Universe； discoverable？Come of it what might； I resolved to try。〃
Thus then are we to see him in a new independent capacity； though perhaps far from an improved one。 Teufelsdrockh is now a man without Profession。 Quitting the common Fleet of herring…busses and whalers； where indeed his leeward； laggard condition was painful enough； he desperately steers off； on a course of his own； by sextant and compass of his own。 Unhappy Teufelsdrockh！ Though neither Fleet； nor Traffic； nor Commodores pleased thee； still was it not _a Fleet_； sailing in prescribed track； for fixed objects； above all； in combination； wherein； by mutual guidance； by all manner of loans and borrowings； each could manifoldly aid the other？ How wilt thou sail in unknown seas； and for thyself find that shorter Northwest Passage to thy fair Spice…country of a Nowhere？A solitary rover； on such a voyage； with such nautical tactics； will meet with adventures。 Nay； as we forthwith discover； a certain Calypso…Island detains him at the very outset； and as it were falsifies and oversets his whole reckoning。
〃If in youth；〃 writes he once； 〃the Universe is majestically unveiling； and everywhere Heaven revealing itself on Earth； nowhere to the Young Man does this Heaven on Earth so immediately reveal itself as in the Young Maiden。 Strangely enough； in this strange life of ours； it has been so appointed。 On the whole； as I have often said； a Person （_Personlichkeit_） is ever holy to us； a certain orthodox Anthropomorphism connects my _Me_ with all _Thees_ in bonds of Love： but it is in this approximation of the Like and Unlike； that such heavenly attraction； as between Negative and Positive； first burns out into a flame。 Is the pitifullest mortal Person； think you； indifferent to us？ Is it not rather our heartfelt wish to be made one with him； to unite him to us； by gratitude； by admiration； even by fear； or failing all these； unite ourselves to him？ But how much more； in this case of the Like…Unlike！ Here is conceded us the higher mystic possibility of such a union； the highest in our Earth； thus； in the conducting medium of Fantasy； flames forth that fire…development of the universal Spiritual Electricity； which； as unfolded between man and woman； we first emphatically denominate LOVE。
〃In every well…conditioned stripling； as I conjecture； there already blooms a certain prospective Paradise； cheered by some fairest Eve； nor； in the stately vistas； and flowerage and foliage of that Garden； is a Tree of Knowledge； beautiful and awful in the midst thereof； wanting。 Perhaps too the whole is but the lovelier； if Cherubim and a Flaming Sword divide it from all footsteps of men； and grant him； the imaginative stripling； only the view； not the entrance。 Happy season of virtuous youth； when shame is still an impassable celestial barrier； and the sacred air…cities of Hope have not shrunk into the mean clay…hamlets of Reality； and man； by his nature； is yet infinite and free！
〃As for our young Forlorn；〃 continues Teufelsdrockh evidently meaning himself； 〃in his secluded way of life； and with his glowing Fantasy； the more fiery that it burnt under cover； as in a reverberating furnace； his feeling towards the Queens of this Earth was； and indeed is； altogether unspeakable。 A visible Divinity dwelt in them； to our young Friend all women were holy； were heavenly。 As yet he but saw them flitting past； in their many…colored angel…plumage； or hovering mute and inaccessible on the outskirts of _AEsthetic Tea_： all of air they were； all Soul and Form； so lovely； like mysterious priestesses； in whose hand was the invisible Jacob's…ladder； w