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could see how I feel right now！ Or five minutes ago； anyway。 I was perfectly happy。 Totally and
completely blissed out。 Now—well； I'm sort of pissed； actually。〃
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〃You should be angry at me。〃
〃Well； I am。 Does that make you feel better？〃
He sighed。 〃No。 I don't think anything could make me feel better now。〃
〃T/？af；〃 I snapped。 〃That right there is why I'm angry。 You are killing my buzz； Edward。〃
He rolled his eyes and shook his head。
I took a deep breath。 I was feeling more of the soreness now； but it wasn't that bad。 Sort of like the day
after lifting weights。 I'd done that with Renee during one of her fitness obsessions。 Sixty…five lunges with
ten pounds in each hand。 I couldn't walk the next day。 This was not as painful as that had been by half。
I swallowed my irritation and tried to make my voice soothing。 〃We knew this was going to be tricky。 I
thought that was assumed。 And then—well； it was a lot easier than I thought it would be。 And this is
really nothing。〃 I brushed my fingers along my arm。 〃I think for a first time； not knowing what to expect；
we did amazing。 With a little practice—〃
His expression was suddenly so livid that I broke off mid…sentence。
〃Assumed？ Did you expect this； Bella？ Were you anticipating that I would hurt you？ Were you thinking
it would be worse？ Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it？ No
broken bones—that
equals a victory？〃
I waited； letting him get it all out。 Then I waited some more while his breathing went back to normal。
When his eyes were calm； I answered； speaking with slow precision。
〃I didn't know what to expect—but I definitely did not expect how。。。 how。。。 just wonderful and perfect it
was。〃 My voice dropped to a whisper； my eyes slipped from his face down to my hands。 〃I mean； I don't
know how it was for you； but it was like that for me。〃
A cool finger pulled my chin back up。
〃Is that what you're worried about？〃 he said through his teeth。 〃That I didn't enjoy myself？〃
My eyes stayed down。 〃I know it's not the same。 You're not human。 I just was trying to explain that； for
a human； well； I can't imagine that life gets any better than that。〃
He was quiet for so long that； finally； I had to look up。 His face was softer now； thoughtful。
〃It seems that I have more to apologize for。〃 He frowned。 〃I didn't dream that you would construe the
way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't。。。 well； the best night of my existence。
But I don't want to think of it that way； not when you were 。。。〃
My lips curved up a little at the edges。 〃Really？ The best ever？〃 I asked in a small voice。
He took my face between his hands； still introspective。 〃I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our
bargain； hoping he could help me。 Of course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you。〃
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A shadow crossed his expression。 〃He had faith in me； though—faith I didn't deserve。〃
I started to protest； and he put two fingers over my lips before I could comment。
〃I also asked him what / should expect。 I didn't know what it would be for me。。。 what with my being a
vampire。〃 He smiled halfheartedly。 〃Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing； like nothing else。 He
told me physical love was something I should not treat lightly。 With our rarely changing temperaments；
strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways。 But he said I did not need to worry about that part
—you had already altered me so completely。〃 This time his smile was more genuine。
〃I spoke to my brothers； too。 They told me it was a very great pleasure。 Second only to drinking human
blood。〃 A line creased his brow。 〃But I've tasted your blood； and there could be no blood more potent
than that。。。 I don't think they were wrong； really。 Just that it was different for us。 Something more。〃
〃It was more。 It was everything。〃
〃That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong。 Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way。〃
〃What does that mean？ Do you think I'm making this up？ Why？〃
〃To ease my guilt。 I can't ignore the evidence； Bella。 Or your history of trying to let me off the hook
when I make mistakes。〃
I grabbed his chin and leaned forward so that our faces were inches apart。 〃You listen to me； Edward
Cullen。 I am not pretending anything for your sake； okay？ I didn't even know there was a reason to make
you feel better until you started being all miserable。 I've never been so happy in all my life—I wasn't this
happy when you decided that
you loved me more than you wanted to kill me； or the first morning I woke up and you were there
waiting for me。。。。 Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio〃—he flinched at the old memory of my
close call with a hunting vampire； but I didn't pause—〃or when you said i do' and I realized that；
somehow； I get to keep you forever。 Those are the happiest memories I have； and this is better than any
of it。 So just deal with it。〃
He touched the frown line between my eyebrows。 Tm making you unhappy now。 I don't want to do
that。〃
〃Then don't you be unhappy。 That's the only thing that's wrong here。〃
His eyes tightened； then he took a deep breath and nodded。 〃You're right。 The past is past and I can't
do anything to change it。 There's no sense in letting my mood sour this time for you。 HI do whatever I can
to make you happy now。〃
I examined his face suspiciously； and he gave me a serene smile。
〃Whatever makes me happy？〃
My stomach growled at the same time that I asked。
〃You're hungry；〃 he said quickly。 He was swiftly out of the bed； stirring up a cloud of feathers。 Which
reminded me。
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〃So； why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows？〃 I asked； sitting up and shaking more down
from my hair。
He had already pulled on a pair of loose khaki pants； and he stood by the door； rumpling his hair；
dislodging a few feathers of his own。
〃I don't know if I decided to do anything last night；〃 he muttered。 〃We're just lucky it was the pillows
and not you。〃 He inhaled deeply and then shook his head； as if shaking off the dark thought。 A very
authentic…looking smile spread across his face； but I guessed it took a lot of work to put it there。
I slid carefully off the high bed and stretched again； more aware； now； of the aches and sore spots。 I
heard him gasp。 He turned away from me； and his hands balled up； knuckles white。
〃Do I look that hideous？〃 I asked； working to keep my tone light。 His breath caught； but he